Not to cater for allergy request at birthday party?

[coverp]

DD birthday party coming up and have asked attendees for allergies/dietary requirements. Had the usual list back - some Veggie, one no pork, one nut allergy, one gluten free+dairy allergy.

I said - no problem, we will make sure that there are options for all but will be parents responsibility to ensure children are eating the correct thing (kids will be aged 2-5). It will be "normal" kids party food - sandwiches, crisps, vegetable sticks, fruit, yoghurt etc.

Had a reply separately from parent of gluten free / dairy allergy saying "sorry to be difficult, but we need there to be no gluten or dairy served at all - it's too dangerous for X as we can't guarantee he won't eat it. Sure you understand, thanks xx".

AIBU to say that this just doesn't work for us? I'm making the cake and have no idea how (or have any desire to learn) to make a nice gluten free / dairy free option. I was planning to buy little GF vegan cupcakes so that there is something there for the others, but DD has requested a specific thing for her bday which I've already started prepping.

YANBU. In this situation I would offer to provide the child with a box of safe foods, but would not stop serving gluten/dairy to everyone else and would request that the parent stays to supervise.

People need to RTFT. Separating it out, packed lunches, whatever, aren't the point. The point is the parent concerned has said they can't reasonably supervise their own child and therefore asked the OP to exclude all allergens entirely. Totally out of order

‘Hi, must be tough with such severe allergies. This is a family party so not comfortable with catering for such severity, or with the extra cost involved - we will be serving gluten and dairy and x is free to bring their own meal as a packed lunch.’

DD had allergies but fortunately has grown out of them now. I used to ask what the parents would be serving up so I could bring a pack up with food that looked the same and supervise closely myself. Her allergies were not another parents' responsibility. Often they would sort it but it felt fair given the faff that goes with a kids party. And always have a treat in our bag in case there were things she couldn't have to prevent a meltdown.

Don’t have nuts anywhere, anything else, the parents have to accommodate themselves.

I think it's unreasonable. They need to supervise him.

It doesn't help that a party tea is one of the hardest things to make GF! I have a friend who is coeliac, and I can manage hot meals easily for her. But bread/cake/biscuits/pastry are trickier to subsitute.

I'd serve it all in lunch boxes (like MacDonald boxes, available on Amazon. Then you can make his first, put it away, do the next dairy free / gluten free one etc.
An offer of this and obviously if you'd prefer to bring your own / arrive after or leave before food etc type thing.

Totally unreasonably of the parent and I say that as a parent of gluten intolerance children.

I agree with everyone, it's totally unreasonable to ask that everything be gluten/dairy free. A child that age has to be supervised by a parent, and if I were the parent I'd want to be monitoring them that closely anyway.

I say this despite the fact that my answer could potentially be a yes to their request. Why? Because I'm gluten and dairy-intolerant so my baking is done that way anyway. Although even then for a kids' party I'd usually have things like cocktail sausages and fairy bread.

I would imagine that the child is newly diagnosed and they are incredibly paranoid about cross contamination. And possibly eating gluten free/dairy free themselves. I would say that you're well aware of keeping the risk of contamination to an absolute minimum and will keep their child's food separate, but you simply can't afford to make the entire food options gluten and dairy free and that most children wouldn't then want to eat it either.

We've got 2 coeliacs in the family, now thankfully 8 and 5 and who are very aware that they can't eat/touch other food. A few bad experiences has made them very wary of non gluten food sadly.

My ds has allergies I would bring my own food if I was concerned.

If it's an ige allergy ie risk of anaphylaxis then yes for the child to attend it would be necessary for the food to be safe. For a non ige allergy it would just be a case of supervising the child.

I'd text the parent and explain they will need to provide their own food.

Could you supply all kids with their owned names party lunch bag/box and then suggest that DF/GF kids parents attend to take responsibility for what he actually eats ?

With so many allergies about these days I think buffets at kids parties are a PITA. I always do lunch boxes so that everyone gets their own food and I can either make sure there's no allergens in the relevant boxes or if parents prefer they can bring their own. Could you do that? I don't think the cake is a big issue either because kids don't help themselves to that and you are planning a gluten and dairy free alternative (which I think is very kind!)

"There will be gluten free/dairy free things available however some of the items will have dairy and/or gluten in. You're more than welcome to stay though to keep an eye on what he's eating".

I like this idea, and if the mum says they might swap foods, then tell her she needs to be a helper when the food is served, you cannot supervise the child by yourself, if you have another spare adult then maybe they can watch her.

Same here.

I am coeliac myself and I agree this is totally unreasonable of the mum to ask if you! I would never ask that of anyone. If you can maybe it would work to have the child’s own food in front of them but if you was having buffet plates to have fruit/veg GF crisps so that if the worst happens and they do grab what’s in front of them it is naturally gluten free even if there is the risk of CC from other little hands but it is something you could try?

I’d provide food for their kid following their allergies however , I’d tell them that any responsibility of taking care their child doesn’t eat something they’re allergic to then they’ll have to take care of themselves.

Text her you will have to uninvite child as you can't guarantee. She is more than welcome to come and stay and supervise her child.

As someone who can't eat gluten, I have to say their attitude is just bonkers.

At the end of the day, your request that parents stay and monitor what their child eats was very reasonable and you did say you were happy to provide food for all (I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask parents to provide food, especially if there are any different requirements) but to make a demand that none is served at all is utterly unnecessary.

Nuts, sure. Most people understand that nut allergies require a nut free environment but gluten and dairy?!! Absolutely batshit.

Their entitlement is showing through incredibly strongly, here! They're going to love how well making those sorts demands on the school go down 😂

Just tell them that will not be possible and that you understand if their child cannot attend.

Absolute weapons, honestly 🙄

Also I know it’s not the point of the thread but at least for my son and my sons friends at that age (2-5) parents are attending the parties , so I’d expect the parents to stay in the party regardless of their allergy, and for more reason so that they make sure they don’t have anything they can’t. You’re not free childcare for whatever the party lasts

But OP isn’t a dick though

I have allergies, my children eat the same as me since I don't know if they have it too (genetic component since its autoimmune based, we do know one DS has inherited my food sensitivities).

Never expected people to cater specifically to us. I'm just happy if they have something they can eat at all. Back in the 90s when I was little people didn't give a fuck about dietary issues which most labeled simply as being 'picky eaters'.

It most certainly is MY job to check my children are eating the correct safe foods, the parent needs to supervise their child better not just say 'I can't make sure they won't'. The only time its someone elses job is if he is solely in their care (like school who have a special system for DS) but thats not a frazzled kids party host trying to feed 30 strange children.

The problem is, gf food in a party buffet is immediately not safe for coeliacs. Too much risk of dropped crumbs etc. You need to say "sorry, I can't cater for your child" then the parent will know to bring safe food. It is great when someone takes enough care that our coeliac kids can eat safely, but if they're not going to do iti then I'd rather know.

I think that that goes beyond what anyone can really do for a party.

We have a dairy allergy at my child's party soon and I have decided to do ham/jam sandwiches with dairy free spread and individually wrapped babybels, so then if dairy free child took one there would be lots of time for their parent to step in. I am still serving the babybels, as one of my other kids doesn't like lots of party food!