He’s done it again

[Soshitatgifts]

Long time user with name change here!

Firstly I KNOW this is a bit of a non problem and I’m being a bit of a brat!

DH and I had a discussion and decided that Christmas would be pared right back this year -absolutely not an issue.
I told him all I wanted was a dressing gown and slippers, and due to previous history was very quite specific about the kind of thing I wanted, and only just stopped short of sending him actual link wish I had now. Basically a cosy but still “nice” dressing gown and fairly structure slippers which I could wear outside, hanging out washing etc-think faux sheepskin mules kind of thing.

He said to me this morning “don’t look at the Amazon account, there are deliveries coming for me”

Being me of COURSE I looked 😳and he’s ordered the most fucking hideous dressing gown, think oversized checked lumberjack shirt, and marshmallow like slippers.

AIBU to give it a couple of days and “innocently” bombard him with links to what I’d actually like? I’m a terrible actress when it comes to opening disappointing presents, and I know that no matter how cold it gets, I won’t be wearing that dressing gown!

Best thing just buy what you want he pays and wraps them up.Problem solved,no disappointment,no money wasted no sending back.He can get you a surprise if he wishes as well.Veryone happy.

You're not to know this, but the point of the dressing gown is that I DON’T have one! I’ve not had one for years, and following a big weight loss, I really feel the cold, and I pointed to dd’s slippers and said ones like them would be perfect! I appreciate that wasn’t a clickable link for him, but the very things are under his nose in the house!

Eh? I’m 5’2” and wear size 8 shoes. It’s not that unusual. 🤷🏻‍♀️

But they fit the brief (and I like them).

If you have something specific in mind then you need to give more details.

I tend to send links of various things I like and DH can choose from them, or I will say something like this so he can then choose something off the list.

The thing is - I understand he has tried. He thinks he’s listened, but he hasn’t taken on board OP’s actual taste and what she actually said. I think he saw this as a problem to be solved and thinks he’s done well by getting into roughly the right ball park. But by not actually properly listening or really understanding her, he’s just wasting money because she won’t want these things.

This is exactly why I find presents at Christmas/birthdays so stressful. Yes to some people it’s all about a surprise but I don’t want that, it’s stress and misery for me because I feel I have to perform surprise and happiness and I’m bad at that, so it’s embarrassing and awkward.

I think if you love someone and know them well it’s reasonable to ask what they want and respect if they would prefer to ask for a specific thing. You can always get them a surprise box of chocs or something alongside.

It works both ways, it's not just a man thing, it's about knowing specific term used in a particular subject. Mules might seem obvious to the half of the population that typically wears them but to the other half of the population it's not necessarily something they understand. If you want something specific give the person the details of the specific. DH wants paint for painting war gaming miniatures. It is completely pointless him saying 'oh just grab me some paint please' he has given me the brand, type and colours he wants. To add an element of surprise he has listed 10 colours for me to pick 5 from (and for an added surprise and not at all because it was a black Friday offer I have added a set of paint brushes).

So you say: those are vile, luckily it’s easy to return Amazon stuff, these are the ones I want.

Next year, order it yourself and give it him to wrap, much less hassle.

I agree with you @Soshitatgifts the dressing gown is hideous. The slippers are ok if you like pink.

I’d be more disappointed in the fact that he’s gone on Amazon, done a search for ‘women’s slippers size 4’ and clicked on the first pair that pops up.

You have my full sympathy, I got a teens pink hairdryer and curling tongue set complete with pink case last year 🙁

That’s where you went wrong. Send him the links then all he has to do is click and buy. He’s clearly a very lazy present giver.

I really like them and would be happy to receive and wear them.

Wow how romantic. So then he doesn't have to make any effort at all than wrapping it.

Get better partners and stop being martyrs.

And that’s fine, the world would be a very boring place if we all liked the same things! The lumberjack thing isn’t to my taste

it’s the most un-me thing he could have picked, I have always worn plain un-patterend clothes!

Not being funny but that's the sort of thing that someone else wouldn't notice about you. I couldn't say any of my friends have a view on pattern. But I bet some of them do!

Oh bless, he is probably so proud that the hideous pink of the slippers is picked up in the hideous pink of the dressing gown/ lumberjack shirt.

I think you either send it all back or retaliate with days of the week boxers or decrepit old man in care home pyjamas or similar.

It's money wasted if you don't tell him, plus you'll feel resentful every day you have to wear it. Sainsbury's have done well on their dressing gowns the last few years.

I think you're being a bit harsh tbh, the dressing gown looks very cosy and the slippers aren't far off what you want.

Why do you keep going on about Lumberjacks - it's a checked dressing gown? Nothing wrong with it or tge slippers.

Tell him you've accidentally seen what he's bought you and would it be okay to send him links. You can cancel Amazon orders if you're quite quick about it or return.

My current partner is very good at presents, my father was dreadful - lovely man, brilliant dad, terrible at presents.

All these sad delusional matyrish women hoping for a romantic surprise yet receiving strimmers, shampoo or Cluedo: get a grip. If presents are not your partner’s strong point - take control of the situation and ensure you get what you like.

#feelingjudged

I like the dressing gown! It looks lovely and cozy and is a nice colour! The slippers aren't quite what I'd go for, but slippers are slippers really!

I think you're going to have to send him exact links and return the Amazon items when they come.

Just cancel the order and order what you actual want, next year, send the links!

OH and I have a longstanding agreement not to buy each other Christmas presents; it doesn't detract from the day at all. One of my friends sends links to her husband and/or points to whatever she wants when they're out shopping.

I watched the Martin Lewis Show last week and he made a very good case for adults not buying presents for each other, not least because it's pointless spending money in order to receive something you'd never have bought for yourself.

We enjoy Christmas and don't stint on entertaining, but when it comes to presents we feel the money's better spent on a holiday in the sun in January.

I’m with you OP it looks like he’s gone mad in Asda on Black Friday.

Both items are absolutely revolting.

(To be fair to Asda they do do plain dressing gowns).

Yup, a cosy lumberjack shirt 😂

I have that dressing gown 😂

Eeeeew pink! YANBU I wouldn't be caught dead in either of those. Do you have form for candy colours? I suspect not given the slippers you DID pick - nice natural warm colour, plus they're unlike to be polyester. I do get your frustration. It's not that he didn't pick the exact same thing, it's that he misinterpreted your personality. Tricky to have a relationship without a foundation of shared tastes.