To be devastated I didn't get the job

[Ronalling]

I'll give a little context, I started at the company I'm at in 2021 (new company so no one is from before 2019, hardly anyone before 2021). I work in the entertainment/creative industries, I don't want to say exact title as could be outing with the other info, but think of the performing arts.
The company are restructuring due to faster than expected growth and wanting to focus on a different market, a new role was made, advertised only internally. I interviewed in June/July, we were told we would hear nearer the time and other things had to be sorted first. It is a middle management role, sort of joining the creative side with the company as a whole, lots of time spent on meetings and admin and making sure others are doing their jobs but still some creative input and studio time. The internal job advert was vague, no time of experience noted, just you had to already be in a certain role. I'm 35, have been doing that job at other companies for 10 years, then for as long as anyone else at this company. I have a degree that is related too.
On Thursday it was announced that a 24/25 year old, who only got the job that was required experience wise last summer, has the job and has known since August!! She is very likable and has climbed the ranks in this company, one of the originals etc. In her first few months she caused waves due to the success of one of her pieces of work. All the normal things were said, she is a breath of fresh air, brings a new level of creativity etc. Honestly I didn't get the hype, she is just very likable and dare I say pretty privilege. After this she was given the opportunity to work with other teams and none of the rest of us were. It has basically gone from me being her boss in 2021, being equals in 2022, to her being my boss now!! They are also paying for her management course (though I think they were going to do this for whoever got it).
I'm so frustrated, I don't understand what she has that I don't, she is 10 years younger, no degree, barely any experience and will be making £80,000+ a year which is substantially more than me!!
It is also unlikely she will leave the job anytime soon and there are no other obvious progression paths at this company so basically I will have to leave if I want to progress.
I guess AIBU to be upset and think it is really unfair that someone who is so much less experienced/qualified has gotten the job over me?? Should I complain to someone??

They are frightened she’ll leave so they need a carrot for her. After your length of time there, they don’t think you will. Prove them otherwise.

This is infuriating for you. I would let her get on with it. Do your job. Don't support or train her. Do as she asks.

And look around for something else. In the meantime get all the training and shadowing you can.

I've met so many that have been promoted outside their competency and I've struggled to support them, do their work and it has crippled me. Not anymore.

The business made this decision so they can manage it.

You are not BU for feeling upset, but if she fit the bill and was the better candidate against the criteria then she is the right person for the role and I would keep quiet and look for a job elsewhere.

There isn't a lot you can do in this set of circumstances except either consciously decide to support her in the new role, or move on. The choice is yours.

TBH you don't sound very experienced yourself. What kind of advice is "go whine to HR that you didn't get the job"? And it is relatively easy to hire someone "with less experience" - you appont the person who is the best fit for the entire job, and "experience" (which is a rather subjective opinion based on time-served rather than ability) is only one factor amongst many. Hiring somebody who is known to sow dissension and is likely to alienate their staff and colleagues just because they have a year or two longer at the job suggests that either your job descriptions are lousy or your don't have much experience of recruitment.

Brutal.

You're not unreasonable to be upset, anyone would be.

But it is what it is. Looks like they created this role for her. Maybe she was threatening to leave and they didn't want that? Nothing you will do or say now is going to change anything (though getting feedback is a good idea).

Many people find they have to move companies to progress. So I'd suggest you start to look for something else.

Complain? She’s a more likeable person so more suited to the role. End of. You sound a bit overly envious op.

Hi OP, I was in a job where it was clear I would never be promoted. I left, got a job in an amazing company and was promoted within nine months. Polish your CV, follow the many interviews tips from insta influencers (Anna Papalia in particular) and focus on the rest of your career. Don’t look back - it will only raise your blood pressure unnecessarily. Good luck.

Not sure why people are talking about nepotism because there's absolutely no implication that that was the case here.

I agree that experience isn't entirely irrelevant, but at the same time, young stars do come through and should get recognition for that, and conversely, most companies are carrying a fair bit of dead wood at middle management levels, unless they operate an aggressive "up or out" policy which only really happens in a few professions (I'm not saying the OP is dead wood btw, just that generally, long tenure and suitability for promotion can't be conflated).

There is also some argument for promoting people based on potential rather than because they completely fulfil the requirements of the job. Roles should offer development potential and some people really thrive on a steep learning curve and are happy to be completely out of their comfort zone while they bridge the gap.

"She is very likeable". Well yes and that makes her effective. Technical competency is only part of why someone can succeed in a role. Having a company wide network, being generally liked and leveraging that makes it easier to get things done (which is why I think permanent wfh in most large corporate roles is a massive fuck over for mid-career women but that's a whole other thread).

So yes, it totally sucks to lose out on roles and promotions but it doesn't mean that the wrong candidate was chosen. What was badly handled was the communication as the OP should have been told much earlier that she'd been unsuccessful.

They obviously see something in her that they like / want
You could complain but I suspect they’ll be able to justify their decision. Perhaps asking for feedback is a better way forward
It stinks that she found out ages ago but kept you waiting - I would complain about that !

I totally understand your disappointment and it’s ok to feel it. You’ve waited a long time to be let down. If she’s known since August, the company hasn’t treated you very well.
However, it sounds as though she has what they want and there’s not much you can do about that. I would ask for some feedback and weigh up your options Don’t take it out on her.

There is nothing at all to suggest that she’s right and more to suggest that she’s wrong.

The other candidate may be younger, but OP has already admitted that she impressed the company with her work shortly after joining. OP said nothing similar for herself, and believes shes more deserving simply because she’s older and has more on the job experience.

Sometimes someone younger and less experienced comes along who is better than others. To say that she only got the promotion because of eyelash fluttering and ass kissing is nasty.

I think it’s understandable that you’re upset and disappointed, anyone would be.

I don’t think it’s fair to denigrate your colleague and claim she only got the job because she’s likeable and pretty, especially because elsewhere you allude to the fact that she has done good work that has been well received. Experience can be an important indicator of suitability for a role, but it’s not the only indicator, in this case it was clearly less important than other qualities which she has.

I absolutely don’t think complaining would be appropriate but you can ask for specific feedback on why your application was unsuccessful and see your areas of weakness so you know what to work on.

It’s also natural that you’re considering leaving the company - if there are no promotion opportunities for you then you will need to look elsewhere, but if it’s a growing company I wouldn’t write it off just yet. There may well be more opportunities for advancement in future.

This. I would be putting in a written complaint about how the selection process was handled.

Just going by your own words, she's been achieving success and recognition whilst you're complaining that time-served isn't recognised. Unless you're hiding your light under a bushel, you haven't suggested in your post that you've done anything worth the promotion. Turning up doesn't count.

Just because you’ve been doing a job for a long time, doesn’t mean you’re going to better at it than someone else. Degrees don’t really mean much in the practical hands-on side of many jobs. It shows you can study, are able to commit to a task but a natural talent for a role is always going to be sought after and attractive to employers, which sounds like this girl who got the job. Also age means nothing. Ten years older definitely doesn’t mean ten years wiser/better etc. It sounds like you’re feeling cheated OP and that’s understandable. I think you need to suck it up, accept it and carry on. Or move on yourself if you can’t.

No, it really doesn't. I've worked in jobs with people who have ten years versus one years experience. Half the time those with more experience hadn't kept their knowledge and experience up to date and were 'old fashioned', hadn't kept with the times. Therefore in certain respects the person with one years experience would easily have been seen as better in the role.

You just sound bitter, ageist and snobbish toward this young employee if I'm being honest. Making a point about them having no degree, little experience and 'pretty privilege' (whatever that is) doesn't mean they can't do a good job.

The fact that the job did not require any time of experience probably meant they created the role for her but took other internal applications to give the appearance of objectivity

This sounds likely.

Sorry OP. It sucks.

Most people have missed out on a job they would have loved and been very disappointed, however you cannot make assumptions about the successful candidate. What qualities this candidate offered may be different from what you see or know about. You could be right in your assumptions, or you may not be - but you cannot complain because of your assumptions.

You can ask for feedback and an explanation for why the position was offered in August but you’ve only just been told now. This is unprofessional, and having worked for a start-up company myself years ago they had a long way to go to getting correct and legal procedures in place to deal with most things. It could be a genuine oversight, it might not be.

Only you can decide now whether you wish to stay or look for another job. Get feedback first and go from there.

rightly or wrongly experience is often a criteria in employing someone

Of course you aren’t unreasonable to be upset, but of course you would be unreasonable to complain about it. They know you both, they wanted her - so clearly for this role they feel her skills/talents outweigh your skills/talents/greater experience.

It doesn’t mean she’s ‘better’ overall but at least some of it will be that she simply feels fresher, and some of it will be that she is a better fit for this role. It’s possible it was created for her.

Do ask for feedback and be clear that you want a promotion. But you are never a prophet in your own land, so you may have to go elsewhere to get it.

@Emeraldsanddiamonds Any books you’d recommend on this subject? Thanks

Complain to who though OP? They can recruit who they like and that just makes you seem bitter. It’s a tough pill to swallow sometimes but maybe time to look outside the company for progression

That’s not going to get the OP what she wants though, so what’s the point?

If you have worked hard and think you deserved the job and had your heart set on it I honestly don’t see how anyone can say you’re wrong to feel bad about not getting it. I would be upset too.

However that’s not the same as me saying that you should have got it, I really don’t know if you should have gotten it or not but being upset by a crushing disappointment is not in and of itself unreasonable and I hope you feel better soon. Promotion is not based on length of service though. I will say that. If companies promoted people based on length of service they would have a whole heap of mediocre staff who wouldn’t get a better job anywhere else and were just waiting in line for their ‘turn’, whilst talented go getters wouldn’t stick around waiting in a queue.

I hope the right opportunity comes along for you soon and I don’t think anyone can say feeling how you feel after such disappointment is wrong of you. You have every right to your own thoughts and feelings and how you feel is how you feel. Sorry I can’t offer anymore than that.