To be devastated I didn't get the job

[Ronalling]

I'll give a little context, I started at the company I'm at in 2021 (new company so no one is from before 2019, hardly anyone before 2021). I work in the entertainment/creative industries, I don't want to say exact title as could be outing with the other info, but think of the performing arts.
The company are restructuring due to faster than expected growth and wanting to focus on a different market, a new role was made, advertised only internally. I interviewed in June/July, we were told we would hear nearer the time and other things had to be sorted first. It is a middle management role, sort of joining the creative side with the company as a whole, lots of time spent on meetings and admin and making sure others are doing their jobs but still some creative input and studio time. The internal job advert was vague, no time of experience noted, just you had to already be in a certain role. I'm 35, have been doing that job at other companies for 10 years, then for as long as anyone else at this company. I have a degree that is related too.
On Thursday it was announced that a 24/25 year old, who only got the job that was required experience wise last summer, has the job and has known since August!! She is very likable and has climbed the ranks in this company, one of the originals etc. In her first few months she caused waves due to the success of one of her pieces of work. All the normal things were said, she is a breath of fresh air, brings a new level of creativity etc. Honestly I didn't get the hype, she is just very likable and dare I say pretty privilege. After this she was given the opportunity to work with other teams and none of the rest of us were. It has basically gone from me being her boss in 2021, being equals in 2022, to her being my boss now!! They are also paying for her management course (though I think they were going to do this for whoever got it).
I'm so frustrated, I don't understand what she has that I don't, she is 10 years younger, no degree, barely any experience and will be making £80,000+ a year which is substantially more than me!!
It is also unlikely she will leave the job anytime soon and there are no other obvious progression paths at this company so basically I will have to leave if I want to progress.
I guess AIBU to be upset and think it is really unfair that someone who is so much less experienced/qualified has gotten the job over me?? Should I complain to someone??

I understand OP, I'm in an extremely similar position and shocked at how gutted I feel by it all. I'm trying not to be rash, but this happened to me about 3 weeks ago now and I still feel really strongly that I just need to leave.

I can't see a future for me in an organisation that chooses the person they have over someone with the right experience for the job. There are other internal candidates I could have handled losing to, but the one they've chosen shows me what they value and I want no part in it.

She made an impact, that something startups really value.

Why are you turning this round to blame it on the woman? It’s a comment about sexism in the workplace and how women are viewed. You can’t judge the situation as well as the pp because you don’t work in that organisation.

Interview outcomes are also bollocks. Some people are better at interviews than others. It doesn’t mean they are better at the job though.

Sometimes it is about whether your face fits and how well and who you know. For some roles you cannot do it alone and you need someone to pull you through. It sounds like this is what has happened here.

You absolutely cannot complain about this unless you have genuine evidence of discrimination.

You can ask for feedback on your application, you can ask to have a conversation with your line manager about career progression opportunities within the companies, and you can polish your CV and starting looking elsewhere.

I understand your disappointment but you can’t allow your jealousy to tarnish your professional reputation.

Congratulations to her! It’s quite possibly to be young, attractive, friendly AND the best person for the job. 😊

I’ve had similar happen in previous jobs, OP.

Some people (and yes, being ‘pretty’ or ‘handsome’ DOES give an unwarranted edge - I’ve seen it directly and I’m sure it’s been established by academic studies) just seem to have a face that fits in an org. If yours doesn’t, through no fault of the work you put in, then you’ll always find it hard to progress there.

I think you should start looking around, and get the promotion you want by moving employers. It sound like your only opportunity there is that she bombs out so terribly that senior management can’t ignore it.

I don't understand what she has that I don't

No chip on her shoulder?

Your objection seems to consist of "she's younger/ less educated/ less years experience/privileged (whatever that means)/ has been more successful / is liked". Sitting in a job for a decade does not entitle you to promotion. You come across as jealous and entitled, and hardly the most objective of judges.

It sounds more like a theatre company than a startup. And, anyway, we see everyday startups with wonder kid, maverick, driven individuals who then fail abjectly as it was built on sand and wishful thinking. But had the charm and charisma to bring people along with them.

Yanbu
You aren't appreciated there so it's time to start job hunting and find something where you are appreciated.

Bad luck, it’s a horrible feeling and has happened to me a couple of times. I’ve generally had to move on in order to get promoted.

It does seem a little peculiar that her success was creative yet they have promoted her into more of an admin/management role. Unfortunately, they probably simply wanted to hang on to her and this was the role they had available. Whereas they believe that you will stay anyway.

Are the senior management team male? Unfortunately fifty plus men are prone to seeing all sorts of business talent hidden behind a nice face and attractive figure when recruiting. They genuinely don’t even believe that they are being biased. Many of us (including me) have probably benefited from this at one time or another.

I would put on a good face at work but move on as soon as possible.

Time spent working doesn't necessarily mean you are fit for the next job.

There's a guy in my team who's spent his career drifting round, he's got 20 years experience on paper but in reality he's useless. I manage several people quite a bit older than me.

Using the benefit of anonymity to blow my own trumpet, I’m very good at my job. In my twenties I had genuine talent and I worked very very hard. I was also fairly attractive and generally personable. I had some really shitty comments over the years, always from women, casting doubt on my abilities when I was given promotions and opportunities that I worked hard to access and accomplished very well.

I was obese when I got my current job and the relief of not having to prove myself was dramatic. I’m sorry you have been disappointed and I know it is hard to miss out on internal opportunities but don’t misdirect your feelings at this woman.

Time alone in a job doesn't necessarily suggest someone is 'better' for the role, especially in the creative industries there are lots of soft skills also that can't be learnt that are really valuable. If she's had a very successful project and is also personable and a good advocate and rep for the company then that's a huge plus.

Personally I would ask for feedback for yourself and not mention that you're bitter. It does sound strange that they've strung you along for all these months when they knew in August she had the job, and I think that's fair to raise; but don't go and tear her down because they've made their decision and aren't going to change their minds as you're annoyed and neither should they. Perhaps time to look elsewhere if you've been in the role for a decade?

The thing that isn't OK here is that the person who got the role has known since August, your company should've definitely respected you enough to atleast let you know the score.

However, you do sound slightly entitled and rude to say that you don't get the "hype". Surely if she got so much attention for her work there is something to sing her praises for?

Also, as a 26 year old with a small family on much less than £80k, I can't help but bring my personal views into this and say our generation absolutely deserve that wage. Many of us have missed the property ladder entirely due to massively inflated property prices not matching wages in the slightest, and are paying 80k + worth of student loans. Go her! Move on and don't let this bitterness show, it's not a great look.

Not at all unreasonable for being upset and feeling sorry for yourself.

But completely unreasonable for begrudging another person’s success.

I strongly recommend not even thinking about officially complaining, but there’s no problem with asking for feedback and finding out if there’s something you can do to make yourself more suitable for the next promotion opportunity (or the next job elsewhere!). Perhaps ask about courses they could recommend to help you improve too.

I would speak to HR about this to be honest. I often employ people internally in our company. Recently we had 2 applicants- 1 very dynamic, a bit younger so slightly less experienced. The other we have worked with before and she has experience but is very negative and difficult to work with, she puts in complaints if she feels someone has given her a dirty look etc. We had to hire the latter because she was more experienced. You have to give a really good reason to hire someone with less experience.

Are the senior management team male? Unfortunately fifty plus men are prone to seeing all sorts of business talent hidden behind a nice face and attractive figure when recruiting. They genuinely don’t even believe that they are being biased. Many of us (including me) have probably benefited from this at one time or another.

I remember doing a course on unconscious bias at work. The one type of bias that was not dealt with was the physical attractiveness bias. This affects women and men and can work both ways a.though more often it benefits good looking people.

24-25 isn’t really that young. And if she has no degree then she’s presumably been working for around seven years already, which is a decent enough chunk of CV experience - arguably enough to make your relative experience less of a factor.

I'd feel devastated too. Sorry you didn't get it. Time to leave. Might be a good thing. Good luck, you'll find the right role and be grateful you didn't get this one even though it doesn't feel like it now

I would express your disappoint bc and request feedback. Also possibly maturely give them feedback on the application process (including unreasonable timeframe). Use it to scope out a more senior role if that’s genuinely what you want. But no I don’t believe in time in service being a priority over performance when it comes to hiring

It's disappointing for you. Employers often have a very clear idea of the candidate they'd like to recruit and if someone exhibits these qualities it usually trumps everything else.

@YireosDodeAver

You aren't appreciated there so it's time to start job hunting and find something where you are appreciated

Certainly an option worth considering. Nobody owes anyone else more money or a promotion. But nor do you owe them your loyalty.

To be fair OP is only 35, hardly like we had brilliant housing prices either or very low student loan repayments.

I appreciate that you don’t want to state the sector but I wonder if you work in a field where degrees are not essential and therefore someone of 25 with eight years’ work experience could quite easily be considered alongside a graduate with ten.

Can you access any careers support within your sector? My main question is why you want to continue in a role that you’ve already done for ten years elsewhere, albeit in a new setting. I think it’s very common for women in particular in their 30s to reach a point where they think younger people are being promoted over them, when in fact the issue is that they are not being ambitious enough in the roles they apply for. Ten years in an equivalent role could mean that you should be applying for much more senior jobs.