Having to book hotel just to maintain sex life?!

[thisiscompletelyridiculousness]

DH and I (both early 40s) have a toddler and I also have a teenager from a previous relationship. Typical story - both have demanding FT jobs and also with the demands of both children- demands of the toddler are obvious and the teen, well, it's just the presence of a teenage child in the house that kills the moment - basically we are struggling to maintain a physical relationship. I'm sure others have experienced similar. DH has suggested that we get a babysitter for toddler and go for a few drinks in our local town, but book a hotel room just so we can be intimate. I don't want to actually stay out overnight (we don't have anyone who could look after our toddler overnight anyway), and I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving our toddler overnight regardless, but he's saying we can just book a room to use it for a few hours after we've been for drinks, then check out and go home. I feel this is a little odd! It feels a bit seedy and the hotel will know surely, what we are doing, if we just stay in the room for a few hours then check out?! Do people actually do this or is this weird? 😬

So what if the teenager puts two and two together?

I’m 100% sure that all teenagers know what sex is and that their parents have it.

Are you on good terms with the Mums of any of your teenager's friends?

If there are some you are close to and whom you would describe as friends, could you chat to them and ask whether they would mind having your teenager to stay one Saturday night and that you would reciprocate of course? You could just say that you and your DH need a bit of time to yourselves.

It might make OP feel uncomfortable. In fact, I’m assuming it does since she is booking a hotel … Of course they know what sex is: that’s the point.

Because some people can’t keep quiet while in the throes of passion?

Go for it
Book in as Mr & Mrs Shaggington

Im guessing it it the noise that worries most people?

I used to offer to my teen a McDonald's if he went to Tesco for me.. 40min of sex time. What's annoying is that now he's older and currently back at home with his girlfriend he seems to give zero fucks about me hearing their sex noises.

It baffles me that people would rather pay out for a hotel room so they can have sex with their spouse because they don’t feel comfortable having sex at home in case their teenager thinks they are having sex.

I doubt many couples could afford to be paying out for a hotel room every time they fancy having sex with their spouse.

I guess couples who can’t afford that luxury just simply go without or have unsatisfying sex lives….. 🙄

If this works for you then great but the idea of scheduling sex couldn’t turn me off more.

Play an action movie in your bedroom- all the shouting and gunfire disguises any noise.

Put a little lock on your bedroom door or fold a towel up that jams it before they (teen or toddler) can throw it open

Get in the habit of watching a film in bed together and your teen won't get suss / hang around/ bother you after a while

I think you should go and feel naughty and be naughty.. Buy something special to wear in bed. Have fun!

You just get expert at the art of silent sex. Or you do it when the teen goes out and the toddlers naps or is at nursery.

Toddler only goes to nursery when we are both at work and no longer naps in the day anyway unfortunately. Teen stays out at friends houses infrequently. We do do the "silent sex" thing don't get me wrong, but it frustrates me and I do t fully enjoy it so I'd rather not do it at all tbh.

😂

What about those couples who can’t afford a hotel room every time they want to have sex??! Should they just go without and be celibate? Surely no one actually believes that?!

Ah …. Non sequitur. OP isn’t calling for a ban on sex in the home.She was simply asking for input on her plan to book a hotel room. The latter doesn’t need to impact the former.

😂 I don't think i said anything remotely of the sort. Those couples who feel comfortable having sex with their teenage children next door can continue to do so to their hearts content. I do not personally feel comfortable so I need an alternative plan.

There’s also a question of his comfortable the teen feels. I’m not sure it is totally weird to feel sex shouldn’t be a family event. How much this constitutes a problem may be influenced by factors which vary from home to home: wall thickness, room layout etc.

Sorry, “how comfortable.” Typing lying down from sick bed!

@thisiscompletelyridiculousness

you haven’t op , but there are some on here that genuinely seem to think you can only have sex if you have a completely empty house

I think it's a great suggestion from your husband. Maintaining your romantic relationship is important. Your toddler will survive the one night alone. Go and enjoy yourself

Genuine question @thisiscompletelyridiculousness , do you think you feel like this about the teenager because it is not your husbands offspring ?

Exactly!
I mean I had no sex life with my ex after baby came along, but that's because the relationship shouldn't have ever existed. And I was in one room, i mean one room to live in, the lot.

My parents used to have sex every weekend when I was at home as a child and teenager and it was grim. They would lock their door and be in there for an hour or so and come out all flustered in their dressing gowns. They also used to shag at night and I would have to hide my head under the pillow to cancel out the noise. I found it pretty revolting and now I have my own children, I wouldn't dream of it.

Regarding your concern about feeling awkward using a hotel for sex, I meet my boyfriend in hotels regularly as it's a half way point for us and we just go for sex and leave sometimes - you don't even have to check out. Just pop the key into a box or leave it at reception. The staff couldn't give two hoots! People do it all the time.

Same except it wasn't my dad it was a stream of boyfriends. I'm no contact now and think it's a form of abuse to expose children to your sex noises.. literally no need for it. Me and my DH don't go to hotels for sex but unless we're home alone then we're just discreet about it.. Wait until others are asleep, TV on and quiet.