To complain about teacher's behaviour

[Ilovechocolate87]

Last night after tea, DD (6) said to younger DD (2) 'Don't you dare do that' (touch her food) in a menacing voice.It isn't something we would say, as I think it's a nasty way to speak to someone, so i asked her where she got it from, to which she replied that her teacher had shouted at a boy in her class (year 1) 'don't you dare interuppt me when I'm talking' and re-inacted it in a thunderous sort of voice.

If she was telling me the teacher was saying such things to her I would be in no doubt to complain, as its clearly threatening behaviour, but as it wasn't at her (and she confirms she has never shouted at her) I'm on the fence whether to say anything or not about it .I've re-iterated to DD not to speak to her little sister like that, explaining that even if the teacher did it, it is still wrong.She told me when I asked that it doesn't scare her when the teacher shouts (she has very sensitive hearing and is often scared if we shout at home) but i'm not really liking that she is seeing someone who should be a professional and a role model behaving in that way towards any child.

Sorry OP, but you need to sort yourself out or you’ll have a breakdown before your daughter finishes her education.

The language - you mean “don’t you dare”??? As in “don’t you dare drop the iPad in the bath” or whatever other situation this would be pretty appropriate for?

Teaching is a super tough job. Most teachers work 55 - 60 hour weeks. Teachers are leaving in droves and not enough want to join the profession. Nitpicking parents like you just make the job that much harder. Stop deflecting your home issues on this teacher. It is an incredibly hard job managing 30 x 5 year olds. Be grateful.

Your attempt at putting in boundaries were comprised of shouting so much that your children are scared of you, and hitting an animal before getting rid of it completely, op.

I await your insight as to the "better ways to discipline" with baited breath.

And this is why we can’t get teachers in our school. Nutty parents like you who jumpy to all sorts of melodramatic conclusions. Obviously you’ve never raised your voice at your children or you wouldn’t feel the right to report WHEN YOU WEREN’T EVEN IN THE CLASSROOM!

Hope you’re going to train to be a teacher and get in the classroom when shortages are even worse because of people like you.

Next year by the OP: my child's class has has a succession of supply teachers, none of whom can control the class and my DD says she isn't learning anything...

But I would expect a teacher to have more patience and emotional regulation than a frazzled parent rushing around at the end of their tether

If they don't maybe they should be in a different career

But that's not right. You should have higher standards for your parenting. Just because you are "busy" doesn't mean you can scare your child or abuse your pets. Then have the audacity to go into school to complain about a second hand story from a 6 year old about the teachers tone. The teacher who has 30 kids, too much work for the hours and then parents like yourself to deal with.

This is surely a wind up. Cannot believe this is real. Surely?

Indeed.

You hit a cat?!?!?! Ffs.

What’s the diffference between roaring and shouting?

Children can be testing. I agree with others, unless you’re spending all day teaching a class of 30 then you don’t know the context and shouldn’t comment. Yes, some teachers may have handled this differently but agreed that if you’re at the end of the morning and little Johnny has been interrupting for a lot of that time you’d have to have the patience of a saint not to react.

Yep, that’s a low point.

I can’t even process that a woman that lacking in self control that she hits her cat and shouts at her kids can’t see the blatant hypocrisy of this post.

And when Billy doesn't stop after the 7th time and Sean , Julie and Matthew also pitch in?

I heard someone using that phrase ‘don’t you dare do X’ just the other day. ‘X’ was punch and kick the teacher.

What would you have done, op?

So you’d bet your life it happened EXACTLT as your daughter said? Like word for word?
language. Behaviour. Body language? Tone?

you’re daughter is recounting it 1000000%???

Erm, you are being presumptuous that she’s a bad teacher and that the kid was “bet your arse” scared, off far far less information???

This is crazy, you’ve come on for advice and then just been rude to the vast majority of people who have given you an answer you don’t like.

Just go ahead and make the complaint, it won’t get you anywhere but you obviously want to!

And you’d bet your life no child has ever made anything up to their own teacher?

There’s definitely a plethora of teacher bashing posts recently. Fortunately this thread has plenty of people who aren’t teachers, as well as some who are, trying to explain that, even the most calm and professional of teachers can become frustrated by one or several children persistently doing what they’ve been asked not to do and might raise their voice above their normal tone.

What if a child is about to do something that may endanger themselves or others? Will a quiet voice work then? Or will it be better to briefly used a raised voice so it’s noticed?

OP, be that parent if you choose, but look to yourself and your family first.

To be fair, I wouldn't say this to the children in my class. However, I don't think it's worth complaining about - teacher was probably at the end of her tether with a certain child and was very cross. It happens. Not saying it's good practice but it does happen as teachers are human beings just like "frazzled parents".

You now know you are being unreasonable, so hopefully your question is answered.

This was not aimed at your child and did not scare her.

I’ve been in education over a decade and unfortunately have had to use that phrase a few times. I work with children who have oppositional defiance disorder so telling them not to do something will result in the opposite reaction. I’ve said “don’t you dare” when a chair or table has been about to be thrown. It worked. Tone is more important to show how serious you are.

You’re in for a bumpy ride if you think all children at school are angels.

But you don’t know what the teacher did/didn’t say - you weren’t there! Every child in the class will have a different recollection or perception of what happened and, as you’ve already said, your daughter is ‘sensative’. I really don’t understand why you’ve posted this - you’ve clearly decided that the teacher is guilty and don’t want to listen to anyone ‘ majority who are telling you you’re wrong. I

But your child is frightened of your shouting? that needs addressing.

but not the teachers?

I suspect that a parent who openly admits to hitting her cat to the extent it has to be rehomed and with a child who is frightened about the shouting that happens at home is the person likely to be investigated by Social Services - not the teacher using the phrase "don't you dare"

As a general point (not being specific about the OP) , there's a growing recognition of the link between cruelty to animals, domestic violence and the maltreatment of children.