To complain about teacher's behaviour

[Ilovechocolate87]

Last night after tea, DD (6) said to younger DD (2) 'Don't you dare do that' (touch her food) in a menacing voice.It isn't something we would say, as I think it's a nasty way to speak to someone, so i asked her where she got it from, to which she replied that her teacher had shouted at a boy in her class (year 1) 'don't you dare interuppt me when I'm talking' and re-inacted it in a thunderous sort of voice.

If she was telling me the teacher was saying such things to her I would be in no doubt to complain, as its clearly threatening behaviour, but as it wasn't at her (and she confirms she has never shouted at her) I'm on the fence whether to say anything or not about it .I've re-iterated to DD not to speak to her little sister like that, explaining that even if the teacher did it, it is still wrong.She told me when I asked that it doesn't scare her when the teacher shouts (she has very sensitive hearing and is often scared if we shout at home) but i'm not really liking that she is seeing someone who should be a professional and a role model behaving in that way towards any child.

😂😂 op's bonkers

When I was learning to teach, there was a certain amount about behaviour, but no magic bullet. I learnt so much more about the topic from being a parent, and having ante natal classes, and then reading the book you wish your parents had read.

I did a bit of supply out of desperation in the last 12 months. Kids giving me the finger, point blank refusing to even begin to listen in class. Just awful.

I'll do anything to not go back to it. No holidays, eating out of the reduced section, second hand clothes and shoes.

And like you said maybe teacher should have thought about other careers. If you
Shot then maybe you should have thought about having children and if you are patient enough!

No.

I have not.

I assure you.

Why make the complaint, if you have no safeguarding concern? You've prattled on about:

this isn't about me, it is about someone who is supposed to be in a professional position of trust using threatening words.

So being worried about the use of 'threatening words' is what type of complaint exactly???

Yes exactly....of course not...because children don't deserve being spoken to respectfully like even an adult male prisoner would do they......

I have to say, if you think prison guards don't shout at male prisoners, you have a wacko view of the world thats way out of touch with reality. Its probably fairly appropriate in certain situations to shout and lay out clear boundaries to adult male prisoners.

You then go on and say:
Me too...and I wonder if I was posting that my husband shouted at me 'Don't you dare interuppt me whilst I'm talking' if all the PPs would be giving a very different responses.

I am almost certain they would be saying 'get rid of him, he is abusive' etc, yet they are not saying anything negative against this teacher doing the same at a young child which is a sad reflection of the sort of attitudes there still are towards children being 'lesser' than adults

So you are drawing parallels between abusive husbands and the way the teacher has behaved. So either you are going for a hyperbolic comment of the year (and being extremely dismissive and disrespectful to actual victims of domestic abuse by using them to prop up your ridiculous argument. Or you really are suggesting that the teacher is being somehow abusive and its a safeguarding risk.

Which of the two is it OP, because I think I understand you perfectly OP.

I think you have a petty grudge against the teacher and you are going to try and bully her for the rest of the year because you don't think she's good enough to teach your child. You don't like her. You have made comments about how she should quit.

Yes I know EXACTLY what you meant.

I don't often get worked up about a post but this is unbelievable!!

Please be "that parent". It is coming up to the end of term soon, and they probably need a laugh in the staff room.

Sorry, but so what if the kid was scared? I know I'm likely going well against what most people believe is acceptable, but what alternative is there? What would you do? If a kid is not following instructions to the point where a teacher must say 'dont you dare...' it's not going to be a situation where, I dunno, the kid was about to put on the wrong coat or something.

You're setting your own kid up for nothing good by complaining. Do you know what their class is typically like? Our class Whatsapp is filled with parents like you. I'm just extremely sorry for teachers who have to deal with this crap on a daily basis. Some of these parents are delusion about how teachers are supposed to magically get everything perfectly balanced in today's schools.

Just tell your daughter she isn't responsible for her friend's behaviour. It's life, this is nothing to do with her. Empathy is great but it can wear one down if they fail to identify where other people, even friends, get themselves into 'scary' situations. If she's scared, have a word with the teacher, I'm sure the teacher would reassure her, and wouldn't want her to feel that way. Unless you're totally convinced she's a witch.

I'm surprised by the responses to be honest. My school teachers (class 1 as well) would never use that language. They would say something along the lines of " Billy please don't interrupt people when they are talking" and then move on, kid does it again " billy we have warned you once, don't interrupt people when they are talking, we wait our turn don't we"

" Billy two warnings have been given you will now have to... Blabla"

They wouldn't be shouted at and I do think that is an aggressive way, if I was to say that to my husband it would start an argument as its very aggressive.

What’s warning 89 given to the same child who keeps doing the same thing over and over.

I’ll second that.

FFS I don't know how much your kid's teacher is being paid, but it's certainly not enough!

I bet you'll be the first to complain when your kid is a teenager, in a class full of uncontrollable teenagers because some wet lettuce complained about the teacher raising their voice 🙄🙄

But cats are not humans, and I so before anyone starts assuming again, I want to make it clear that i have never raised a hand to either of my girls and never would, and nor has my DH, despite that being a parenting model we were subjected to.
@Ilovechocolate87
So it's perfect fine to abuse an cat because it's not a human (despite being a living creature), but it's fine because you got rid of it in the end. That poor animal. And you and your partner are now a lot better at raised voices after your DD has been frightened....sounds like your home life is far from perfect and pretty volotile tbh. I'd look at why you're hitting small animals and frightening your DD before going in guns blazing at the teacher if I was you

I'm surprised by the responses to be honest. My school teachers (class 1 as well) would never use that language. They would say something along the lines of " Billy please don't interrupt people when they are talking" and then move on, kid does it again " billy we have warned you once, don't interrupt people when they are talking, we wait our turn don't we"

" Billy two warnings have been given you will now have to... Blabla"

and while the teacher is wasting all this time on Billy, and Bobby, and Poppy..the rest of the class are not being taught!!! A short sharp “don’t you dare interrupt” and Billy shuts up, so do the rest of the class and order is restored and the kids can maybe learn something!

More teacher bashing.
FGS.

"Don't you dare" is not a threat, or at least certainly not in the sinister way you're implying. It's an entirely common idiom simply intended to convey a serious instruction. That's why it reads to a non-native soaker as essentially an unfinished sentence.

At absolute most it's implying that of the person continues, there will be consequences (which there certainly should be for bad behaviour from children).

That being the case, what consequences do you think the teacher was implying? In other words, if the sentence had been completed, how do you think it would have ended?

Along the lines of "Don't you dare interrupt me, or you'll find yourself in detention" (or similar ordinary school punishment) or "Don't you dare interrupt me or I'll slap you into next week"?

For goodness knows what reason, you seem to have whipped yourself up as though the implication were the latter (unacceptable) rather than the former (reasonable and 1000x more likely).

A genuine question, OP, but are you a native English speaker? If not, I can better understand why you might be concerned about this (where to a native there is very clearly no need).

Exactly @Parentofeanda there is nothing wrong with putting in boundaries and discipline, but there are much better ways of doing it.

When I was a teacher I also once used the words "Don't you dare do that" in such a tone that it caused the class to silence. The child I was talking to was about to launch a piece of furniture though so 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd say butt out. You have no idea.

Is that really such a big deal?

Great. You'll be starting teacher training when then??

(Hows the halo polishing going? As well as the cat dumping?).

Do you have any idea the kinds of behaviour teachers need to deal with? Children coming to school in pyjamas because ‘gentle’ parents didn’t want to deal with meltdown of getting child into uniform; kids with no boundaries or discipline making situations unsafe or unhappy for others in the room - not the mention abused and neglected children. If ‘don’t you dare’ is in the toolbox…not the worst thing!

And this is why you need to address your behaviour rather than make ridiculous and unfounded accusations.

Don't you dare interrupt" is in no way threatening, it is not aggressive or abusive.

A slight raise of voice mimicked as shouting by a child is not cause for concern.

It’s very clear you’re getting riled now, because you came here asking AIBU expecting everyone to say ‘omg not absolutely YANBU!’ and about 97% of people are saying YABU and you don’t want to listen to any of them. It begs the question already posed by PP of why you even came to AIBU? if you didn’t want to listen to any view opposing yours?

This has to be a wind up.

Because a frazzled parent at the end of their tether with their single digit kids is not much different than a frazzled parent at the end of their tether with their 30 or so kids, all with vastly different needs, and ongoing constant low level disruption in classrooms.

Excellent. Teach your child that the teacher is wrong - people wonder why teachers are leaving in droves.

Nope not perfectly fine at all @LittleMissUnreasonable
Hence why the cat is no longer mine.
It deserved better!
But I am just making it clear that i would never treat a human that way.
My children are my world and I love them unconditionally whatever you all think.
I did not feel that way about the cat, although that is no excuse for what I did.