To complain about teacher's behaviour

[Ilovechocolate87]

Last night after tea, DD (6) said to younger DD (2) 'Don't you dare do that' (touch her food) in a menacing voice.It isn't something we would say, as I think it's a nasty way to speak to someone, so i asked her where she got it from, to which she replied that her teacher had shouted at a boy in her class (year 1) 'don't you dare interuppt me when I'm talking' and re-inacted it in a thunderous sort of voice.

If she was telling me the teacher was saying such things to her I would be in no doubt to complain, as its clearly threatening behaviour, but as it wasn't at her (and she confirms she has never shouted at her) I'm on the fence whether to say anything or not about it .I've re-iterated to DD not to speak to her little sister like that, explaining that even if the teacher did it, it is still wrong.She told me when I asked that it doesn't scare her when the teacher shouts (she has very sensitive hearing and is often scared if we shout at home) but i'm not really liking that she is seeing someone who should be a professional and a role model behaving in that way towards any child.

What language?

But I would expect a teacher to have more patience and emotional regulation than a frazzled parent rushing around at the end of their tether.

If they don't maybe they should be in a different career.

Jesus wept. You don't have the slightest clue, do you?

What makes you think that a parent looking after their own 2 children would be more frazzled than someone not only looking after 30 other people's children all day every day, but actually being assessed and scrutinised on how much progress they make in your lessons?! And a large proportion of those teachers are also parents themselves, so are very able to compare which if those two jobs is harder. Yes, teachers are trained, but they're not magic!

And guess what... thousands of them are going to other careers, largely because the expectations and workload are totally unreasonable. Not helped by parents like you.

You've come on AIBU? with a ridiculous situation, you've basically had your arse handed to you. What else did you expect? Get a grip! Bet the school love you.

Okay, you're never gonna get it. I'm out. God help that teacher...

'Don't you dare' is not threatening language, OP. The teacher is chastising a child. Would you prefer your daughter's lessons were continually interrupted by children talking out of turn?

I

People have answered the question. Most people have said you’d be unreasonable/ridiculous to complain and have explained why in detail. What do you now think and what will you do?

Well I'm sure the teacher IS guilty, but I've had enough clarity to know the consensus is that AIBU to complain about it.

This is why kids are now feral, and the school I worked in was a hellscape.
Worked, past tense.
Good luck with all your gentle parenting.

"Don't you dare interrupt " is perfectly fine way to communicate with pupil. Also "don't you dare touch my food" to sibling also ok. Better than screeching "stooppp, nooooo, thats miiiiinnnnee, make her stop mum, waaaaaa" which is what mine would do. "Dont you dare touch my food" is assertive and clear if you ask me.

Literally no way of knowing if the child was scared. Doesn’t appear yours was let’s face - their reaction was to come home and repeat. Not tell you a fear induced story.

You’re in for some surprises if you’re going to get this upset over a teacher saying “don’t you dare”.

You don't know the e context of what happened OP. Don't be one of those parents everyone talks about in the staff room!

Quite concerning that you would seriously consider complaining to the headteacher about a teacher using a perfectly reasonable phrase that wasn't even directed at your child. Seriously, don't be that parent.

@Ilovechocolate87 guilty of... what exactly?

I'm a (secondary school) teacher. I shout pretty regularly but wouldn't have to if people brought their kids up properly.

Yep, and the cat was subsequently rehomed as I know that was not a fair way to treat it.

But cats are not humans, and I so before anyone starts assuming again, I want to make it clear that i have never raised a hand to either of my girls and never would, and nor has my DH, despite that being a parenting model we were subjected to.

That's why I vent my frustrations verbally instead sometimes, not ideal but better than physical abuse!

Guilty of telling a child off? That's not guilt, it's classroom management. Hth.

Oh, honestly!

What a fuss about nothing.

I think it's about the language rather than the raised voice per se. Saying 'Don't you dare…' is different from e.g. 'Shoes ON!'

You keep saying the teacher used a "threat"
What is the exact threat, you have not made that clear.
I know the WORDS you say are the threat, but what is it she is actually threatening in your mind?

You weren't there. You don't know that the teachers tone was angry and threatening.

You weren't there. You don't know that the teachers tone was angry and threatening.

Or indeed 'thunderous'!

Not sure you’ll feel quite so sure on the teacher’s ‘guilt’, when your little girl is hurt by one of these boundary-less children because so many of you complained, the teacher left and in came someone too scared to pull them up on their behaviour.

IME children that need this level of firm voice are very likely to not be ‘frightened’. That’s why a good teacher adapts their approach to meet the needs of the children in their classrooms. it’s why your daughter isn’t scared of the teacher and why she herself has not had firm voice used.

Oh lord don’t ever take a small child’s summary as gospel.

Pretty much everyone who has replied as told you that you overreacting and get a grip and move on. That should tell you everything you need to know really. And yes please do get a grip.

Let's turn it on its head. Your daughter might go to school and complain about you shouting. How would you feel if this is logged as a safeguarding concern? I have worked in dozens of schools! Guess what? Teachers shout! You don't know the context of what happened! Your daughter may be exaggerating! She might not but the teacher did not exactly whip them!