To complain about teacher's behaviour

[Ilovechocolate87]

Last night after tea, DD (6) said to younger DD (2) 'Don't you dare do that' (touch her food) in a menacing voice.It isn't something we would say, as I think it's a nasty way to speak to someone, so i asked her where she got it from, to which she replied that her teacher had shouted at a boy in her class (year 1) 'don't you dare interuppt me when I'm talking' and re-inacted it in a thunderous sort of voice.

If she was telling me the teacher was saying such things to her I would be in no doubt to complain, as its clearly threatening behaviour, but as it wasn't at her (and she confirms she has never shouted at her) I'm on the fence whether to say anything or not about it .I've re-iterated to DD not to speak to her little sister like that, explaining that even if the teacher did it, it is still wrong.She told me when I asked that it doesn't scare her when the teacher shouts (she has very sensitive hearing and is often scared if we shout at home) but i'm not really liking that she is seeing someone who should be a professional and a role model behaving in that way towards any child.

Fine, but hitting a cat doesn't make me a bad parent or a child abuser.

Honestly, OP - in the eyes of most it makes you a proper POS and then having to listen to your vitriol about a teacher behaving in an absolutely acceptable manner in the classroom just beggars belief.

And here lies an absolute classic example of what's wrong with society

Explain to your dd that there are different ways of speaking in different contexts.
Teachers have to be strict at school sometimes else the children would run riot. At home, talking to your loved ones, it’s different. She will most likely understand that.

This

Agreed

OP may I suggest you do a whole year teaching a class if 30 kids - then you’ll be in a position to judge.

When I do teacher training about classroom management, I always say raising your voice should be a very rare occurence- if you do it all the time it has no impact as it is just the norm. However, a firm voice is very effective on occasion. As other posters have said, lots of teaching is acting, particularly classroom management. It is signalling, pretending, for effect.

I can't see anything wrong with what she said. She'll be walked all over by children if she has no range of voices. If she was shouting all the time I'd be concerned but not a firm comment in a more raised than usual voice. It's hard to know which it is reading this thread.

I think you'll be glad teachers have a range of voices- otherwise your children would find themselves in classrooms where very little learning takes place.

Unless the teacher said “don’t you fucking dare …” then no don’t speak to the HT about their use of language. 🙄

Exactly what I was about to say!

As with all the teacher posts about being assaulted/things smashed in faces - the conversation has moved on from simply raising voices.

You are not in a classroom now.

Ridiculous.

Oh god. Seeing things like this are making me not want to go back after my maternity leave. Already on the fence. Yes the head will support the teacher and know it’s one of “those” OTT parents, but these “concerns” and criticisms over nothing just wear you down.
Ive survived ten years teaching and absolutely would have said something like this from time to time. When I’ve had to deal with chair throwing, fights, bad language, threats towards me, or yes maybe even incessant rude interruption that is significantly affecting the learning of the other 30 students!
So yes Op, you would be unreasonable.

You admit that you shout at your child and have abused an animal.

However, you feel you are completely ok to parent a child.

Yet, you expect teachers to be saint like pillars of perfection, who never raise a voice or say something YOU ( because let's face it no-one else is finding this comment an issue )disapprove of.

I wonder what the teachers would think of you if they knew you hit your cat? Maybe there'd think there was a concern there ?

You need to really think OP, because you are not painting yourself in a good light.

You are automatically assuming the kids are ‘little shits’ ’ for interrupting a teacher regardless of what the interruption may be? Every classroom will have kids who misbehave/can’t conform but asking a question to clarify something or asking for something to be repeated is not allowed? Really?

I’d be reassured that the teacher is trying to manage the classroom including children’s disruptive behaviour.

Your DC wasn’t scared by the teacher.

No wonder we have teachers leaving the profession. We expect them to teach without the authority or ability to manage the classroom environment in a way they see fit. I would leave it to the teacher’s professional judgement as to what is appropriate in that situation. You weren’t there.

Generally shouting at children and making negative statements is not a great way to discipline, but it happens from time to time since we are all human. Unless you have direct evidence of your own child being abused or shouted at by the teacher, I wouldn't say anything to the school. Teachers have to impose rules in a way that parents don't to maintain discipline. And children also love to play at being strict teachers - that dorsnt necessarily mean it is how their teacher habitually speaks. If you ask children how another child ought to be punished, they tend to be draconian.

Threatening 😂😂😂

'how dare you' is kind of intimidating TBH. It's saying if you carry on something'll happen (by implication, physical, not a telling off by someone.)

Perhaps we should campaign for cctv in all classrooms. It would really help both teachers and pupils by the sounds of it but particularly teachers.

As a parent I would be highly in favour of it.

Ever thought the child being "shouted" at might have been told nicely 10 times previously to leave whatever it was alone?

So, to summarise..

A teacher, may or may not have raised their voice to a child (not yours) and told them "don't you dare interrupt me when I'm talking". Interpreted and re-enacted by your child as "thunderous" and "menacing".

They have said they were not scared by this.

You, on the other hand have hit your cat "a few times" and admit your child is scared when you shout. I haven't read any other thread by you, but it would seem you admit you and your husband have had anger issues that you are addressing (good for you, that's honestly fab).

I have yelled "Don't.You.Dare!!!!" at my child several times in their life and probably shouted at them more than a few times. I'm human, and have got to the end of my tether on occasion, (as are 99.999999999% of teachers, no matter how professional and utterly wonderful they are). I've just asked her (she's 15 by the way) and asked if she has ever been SCARED of me. The answer is no with a puzzled look that only teenagers can give!

So, to answer your question, you would be utterly unreasonable to even mention this at the school. The teacher has done nothing wrong. An assertive, firm voice is regularly required in the classroom environment. I think this is possibly more about your interpretation of YOUR voice and YOUR actions that are extrapolating more from the classroom situation than is reasonable. Perhaps you are thinking about the the way it might have sounded if YOU were saying it. If your child is not scared at school but IS scared at home, I think that might be skewing your interpretation of events.

Yet more ignorance.

When I was teaching I reported a member of staff for being aggressive to a child. I've also ha to report a teacher from my DS's school. But we're talking sustained poor behaviour, patterns of aggression and/or woeful teaching, not one incident of one sentence repeated from the mouth of a 6 year old.

Teachers do not turn a blind eye to bad apples. They are not a self-governing agency like the Police, who have been known to 'protect their own'.

Believe it or not, the vast majority of teachers love kids and strive incredibly hard to do their absolute best so that the kids can achieve their potential. That means having bloody good behaviour management AND making sure that kids have the basics, which includes NOT INTERRUPTING!

OPs DD did NOT say that the teacher was being abusive. OP has taken an everyday saying, twisted it and turned it into a threat. That is grossly unfair and I'm glad to see the majority here telling her that as 9 times out of 10 teachers get an absolute pasting on here!

Some teachers do speak to children terribly and would never speak to an adult in the same way. Bullies work in all sectors. We all know this is true, and to say otherwise is disingenuous.
No parent should feel they cannot question anything they are worried about, ever. As adults it our duty to raise any concerns we have about the way an adult is treating a child. Good schools will welcome this, bad schools won't.
Teachers are not are leaving because of parents, they are leaving because of work/life balance.

Nonsense. "By implication physical" - how on earth did you infer that?

And you want to dig the knife into some poor teacher!

Teachers absolutely are leaving because of parents. Lack of parental support and poor pupil behaviour is cited as one of the key reasons for teachers leaving, alongside heavy workload.