To complain about teacher's behaviour

[Ilovechocolate87]

Last night after tea, DD (6) said to younger DD (2) 'Don't you dare do that' (touch her food) in a menacing voice.It isn't something we would say, as I think it's a nasty way to speak to someone, so i asked her where she got it from, to which she replied that her teacher had shouted at a boy in her class (year 1) 'don't you dare interuppt me when I'm talking' and re-inacted it in a thunderous sort of voice.

If she was telling me the teacher was saying such things to her I would be in no doubt to complain, as its clearly threatening behaviour, but as it wasn't at her (and she confirms she has never shouted at her) I'm on the fence whether to say anything or not about it .I've re-iterated to DD not to speak to her little sister like that, explaining that even if the teacher did it, it is still wrong.She told me when I asked that it doesn't scare her when the teacher shouts (she has very sensitive hearing and is often scared if we shout at home) but i'm not really liking that she is seeing someone who should be a professional and a role model behaving in that way towards any child.

Raising your voice - using tone - 'anger' displayed by a teacher may be needed for some students to get the message.. it does not mean the teacher 'has got angry'.. a lot of teaching is role play.

You are being unreasonable, I've been in classes where disruptive children need firm tones to stay in line.

Nursery children are not the same as 6 year olds.. by 6 a far firmer tone can be used, you said your sensitive child was not upset ..

You suggested it by saying there are strong links with animal abuse and child abuse.

This is a fact though, there are strong links.

Posters are still getting at you because you simply don't seem to accept that there was nothing wrong with what the teacher said. Don't you dare is a perfectly acceptable phrase to use under specific circumstances, it is not " much much worse" than a parent tapping a child on the bottom as you seem to think!
Your perception of things seems to be somewhat skewed!

It rather depends on what is considered interrupting. Two years ago, my child had a teacher who didn’t explain so the children understood. When the children got the answers wrong, the teacher made them forego their break times. When the children attempted to raise their hands to ask for a better explanation, she either ignored them or snapped that she had already explained it and if they didn’t understand it, it was ‘tough’.

Teachers in this thread can say that it wasn’t this teacher’s fault, that the children were stupid, that the children still shouldn’t interrupt to ask for a further explanation, that it’s the parents job to hire a tutor to teach what the children didn’t learn in the classroom, that the children shouldn’t be believed and the teacher was in fact doing a fabulous job and if the parents had an issue they should teach the child themselves - which is what we ended up doing.

The following year with a new teacher the same children scored highly in maths.

Isn’t there research about people who harm animals are more likely to go on and harm people?

really surprised you feel you have the moral high ground over a teacher who (according to your child ) raised their voice in a class of 30 children.

THAT parent in my son's class, is the one who is overly nice to everyone. She doesn't parent. At all. She thinks it's all up to school. Or she outsources it to the first mug who will take him for the evening. I believe she just outsourced parenting to a nanny.

She's utterly tone deaf. She thinks his behaviour is normal. She blames the teachers. It's all about how they treat him. He can't do anything wrong. There's a massive history.

I have seen a teacher say "don't you dare..." to him. Believe me the circumstances merited it. He was about to attack her. This child was 7. There's been three years of issues prior to this point. I know there's a shedload of stuff I don't know about too.

The back history of certain children matters massively.

They need boundaries and clear lines laid out, for which consequences are clear if they do it.

Do you know the circumstances, the context or anything else beyond what your daughter has reported back to you at a moment when she was defending her behaviour and trying to make excuses for it because she's scared of you.

This thread has made me sooooo angry.

If you really want to dial things back to your OP, OP then just accept that your DD repeated something which could or couldn’t have happened and in a tone which could or couldn’t have been aggressive/overly loud or was simply normal. You told DD not to use that expression/the way it was used again and she won’t do it.

Ignore some of the replies here, even if they’re right, I agree that it’s not nice to be jumped on here, but take into account that the teacher is a teacher, you’re a parent and you’d be unwise to raise a complaint about this especially as it hasn’t involved your DD.

Have a think about if you would like it if a random person in a similar situation raised a complaint to HR about your work. What do you actually do as a job?

They are mostly teachers who dislike the idea that there are any bad eggs in the profession and we should all be somehow grateful to them for turning up at all.

Take what they say here and one can only imagine what they are like in a classroom with children who we absolutely mustn’t believe!

So as long as you don’t love an animal unconditionally it’s OK to hit them. I really hope you don’t work in a nursery now (and doubt you ever actually have) because I wouldn’t want you around my children.

All teachers shout sometimes. How are they meant to try to control a class full of 30 rowdy children. Some of whom can't keep their hands to themselves. No idea who you will report the teacher to?? .

Or parents like me who are sick to death of our DC not getting a proper education because of the little shits in their kids’ class taking up all the teacher’s time because their parents are ridiculously inept.

I genuinely cannot believe you even gave this a second thought.

Take what they say here and one can only imagine what they are like in a classroom with children who we absolutely mustn’t believe!

We have no idea of context - from a 6 year old and a mother who admits she shouts yet it’s unprofessional of a teacher? Maybe we should vet more parents.

Hell yes. I can't stress enough the problems stem more from other parents than teachers.

Was just going to come on to say this, I've been working in schools 10 years. I have NEVER actually lost my temper or expressed any REAL anger at any child because it's all pretend. I use my "teacher" voice and act.

"That is making me SO sad"
"OH dear me thats NOT how we behave here"

etc etc

and yes I have definitely said something along the lines of "Don't you dare hit your friend again, throw that toy, rip down the display board otherwise you are going to see Mrs headteacher!" I even said it in my mock stern shock and horror teacher voice.

Teachers need to be in control of their classrooms for the safety of all children and to make sure children get the right learning outcomes.

and ew you are an animal abuser. That's disgusting.

Ffs

I find it quite a stretch to decide someone is a bad egg in the profession because they raised their voice and said “Don’t you dare…”

But you do you.

Spot on

You are being beyond ridiculous.

Here we go...

You’re so right. Trying to make sure 30 children are happy, well behaved and making at least expected progress is not at all frazzling.

Although the teacher recruitment and retention crisis suggests some are indeed finding the workload, expectations and public attitude frazzling.

I have had a child smash a metal flute into my face out of anger at being asked to come to Forest School because she ‘didn’t want to go’ this is in a mainstream private school, not an SEN school. No apology from the parents or child and all of my class didn’t get to go to Forest School that day.

Just this week in the same mainstream private school, I had a different child throw their football boot across the classroom because he was asked gently to stop fiddling with it. When parents were told they didn’t give a shit and failed to see why he’d been asked to stop fiddling with it.

This ^ is the new normal I’m afraid to report.
If our 7 year olds are like this, what hope do we have?

All I can say is that life is going to teach these children and their parents a few very hard lessons. Natural consequences are a beautiful thing.

I've been an extremely successful and much-loved teacher for 47 years. Hundreds of kids achieving brilliant results and loving the subjects I taught (secondary). Shouting (very rarely) was just one of the strategies in my playlist. I suspect my most scary technique was not in fact volume, but the opposite. If a pupil was being disruptive, I would walk down the row, slowly, with my blandly angry face, utterly silent until I stood beside (and above, being 6 feet plus in heels). The kids would have fallen silent, with mutters of "uh-oh"...I would then address the miscreant in a very quiet though admittedly, somewhat forceful tone, pointing out to him/her/them the fact that they were stealing time and the potential for success not only from others, but also from themselves. Worked a treat. Would you have reported me for humiliating the kid in front of his/her/their peers? For NOT shouting, maybe? Or perhaps I should just say "Oh, it's just Jack's way.."? Look, teachers have so many demands on them these days. I've been a substitute mother, social worker, support person for stressed parents, (taking meals to sick families), first aider (saving several kids' lives), counsellor, confessor. I've mended jumpers and washed clothing because parents couldn't/wouldn't, slipped a struggling mother a bit of cash to buy her girl a new top for mufti day so she wouldn't be embarrassed by having to turn up in uniform. All this in addition to the demands made by the league tables for academic success. This is the life of a teacher.

A friend once remarked though she knew being a teacher would be tough going in the end it wasn't 30 unruly kids which pushed her to leave the profession. It was the parents. Who would have thought!

This is why teachers are leaving the profession is the droves, precious parents like you.