To complain about teacher's behaviour

[Ilovechocolate87]

Last night after tea, DD (6) said to younger DD (2) 'Don't you dare do that' (touch her food) in a menacing voice.It isn't something we would say, as I think it's a nasty way to speak to someone, so i asked her where she got it from, to which she replied that her teacher had shouted at a boy in her class (year 1) 'don't you dare interuppt me when I'm talking' and re-inacted it in a thunderous sort of voice.

If she was telling me the teacher was saying such things to her I would be in no doubt to complain, as its clearly threatening behaviour, but as it wasn't at her (and she confirms she has never shouted at her) I'm on the fence whether to say anything or not about it .I've re-iterated to DD not to speak to her little sister like that, explaining that even if the teacher did it, it is still wrong.She told me when I asked that it doesn't scare her when the teacher shouts (she has very sensitive hearing and is often scared if we shout at home) but i'm not really liking that she is seeing someone who should be a professional and a role model behaving in that way towards any child.

Had a parent complain about my absence. I was organising my mum's funeral. (I'm an only child.) Including the day of the funeral, I had 5 days' compassionate leave and I'd organised work for my classes.

Even if the teacher was a bit "menacing" in their tone, it'll do the children good to learn that there are a variety of personalities they're going to have to come up against in the world. Everyone has different ways of asserting their authority. Being more domineering might be wrong in your eyes, but it's just fact that that's how some people in authority behave so they need to get used to it. I was never shouted at as a child and as a result I am so sensitive and cannot cope when anyone is angry or raises their voice. I wish my parents had been less gentle with me.

I think for me, you COULD pay me enough.

I see threads on here daily of people earning over 100k. I earned £28k, leaving after ten years qualified, five years ago. (The school had no payscale as such).

I would go back tomorrow for £100k.

You could say the same about parents who shout enough to scare their children though.

It sounds like your daughter is scared of you and doesn't feel safe in her own home so can't be completely honest with you when you asked her why she said what she said. I'm so glad she feels safe at school and doesn't get scared there. You and your partner really need to sort your shit out so that your daughter doesn't have to grow up feeling scared in her own home.

What are you trying to suggest?
That the teacher was going to hit the boy if he did "dare" to interrupt her?

Children shouldn't interrupt their teachers.
If I received a complain about that statement I would be writing a strongly worded letter telling you how I value and trust my staff and their decisions within their classrooms.

You’re a total hypocrit.

It makes you an animal abuser and there are some strong links to animal and child abuse.

Sad to read about the number of teachers who chose to leave after being at the back end of this parent power complaining nonsense.

Just to share…

A good few years ago a complaint was made about me. I won’t go into details but it was absolutely untrue, there wasn’t one word of truth in it. My headteacher at the time sat me down and told me to think really hard because some of the story ‘MUST’ be true, he was very aggressive, very much the customer is always right kind of head. I remember (younger than) crying and saying that it just wasn’t. I started to doubt my own sanity. It was a horrific two weeks with the head not speaking to me and the parent making loud noises on the playground.

Two weeks later the child admitted he’d made it ALL up. Every bit of it. His mum and the head laughed at how kids will be kids. No one apologised to me for the distress I was put under and the head had the nerve to say something on the lines of ‘I knew it wasn’t likely spiders, I know that’s not you’

I loathe this culture where professionals are guilty until proven innocent and parent whatsapp groups are formed to vilify a human being with home lives, children themselves and the stress of trying to teach a class without any support, rapidly rising numbers of challenging pupils and a number of SEND pupils. It’s not the same as the classrooms when you were children. It’s very VERY different and we’ve had to adjust fast and we don’t always get that right.

Please don't help.nurture princess and prince syndrome where children think no one is allowed to raise their voice to them.

This is the problem, teachers are having to deal with children who have never been told off, they, the children, are the victims of much of the modern way of 'parenting' by parents who have given them the idea that they're the centre of the universe, there have even been fools on here claiming that a baby should be asked to consent to a nappy change! In a school your child is simply one of many and will need to learn to accept discipline even if they don't get any at home.

You are being ridiculous. This teacher has done nothing wrong. What she said was not threatening even if she did shout it. Occasionally as a teacher you need to be very very firm.

Also, consider that your child may be exaggerating (although the teacher is still not in the wrong even if she isn’t exaggerating). I used to be a teacher and was k own for my kind and quiet manner with the class, lots of fun, gentle interactions etc. The class nearly always responded really well to my positive manner. However, one day they were being horrors and I had to stop the lesson, sit them all on the carpet and explain very firmly that this behaviour must stop now and that I was extremely disappointed. I said this in a very quiet but firm voice. Later that day, one of the children came up to me and said “I didn’t like it when you shouted at us.” I hadn’t shouted - I had used a very quiet voice but had been firm and noticably not pleased with them. This child had interpreted any telling off as “shouting” and she hadn’t liked it because it was so rare that I have them a bollocking. This was year 3. Children often interpret somebody being told to stop doing something as “shouting” even if it isn’t.

(also, it worked - they were back to normal for the rest of the day).

I feel so sorry for teachers. The teacher shouted at a child, a child that was miss behaving, if teachers just sat back and talked in a soft voice all the time the kids would walk all over them. The world has gone crazy, can clearly see why there are so many out of control kids 😬.

Think whatever, but you don't know me, and calling me a child abuser because I had one angry moment and tapped my cat sharply on its bum for weeing on my daughters bed is a massive and grossly unfair stretch.My kids are happy, loving and completely loved.And they know it.

I am so sorry.

Had a colleague who was suspended after a 15 yr old boy accused him of assault. The boy had punched the teacher.

The teacher was cleared, but left the profession.

I must have missed the post that you admit hitting a cat?
Absolutely disgusting behaviour. I hope to god that you never own another animal you vile human being.

And you think a teacher is wrong for raising their voice?!

I can’t believe someone who hits a cat and shouts at their own children is thinking of complaining about a teacher who told a child off for interrupting. Maybe the child will behave in future?

There’s not enough money in this world to encourage me into teaching. I like little children, i worked for years in a nursery and it was so rewarding, but dealing with batshit parents day in and day out? No chance.

To clarify, I never called you a child abuser, I called you an animal abuser because you are. I pointed out there are strong links to animal and child abuse and there are many studies on this. How you chose to interpret my post was entirely up to you. One angry moment abusing an animal is one angry moment too much imo. I have no idea why you’ve started justifying your parenting to a randomer on a forum? There is NO excuse for hitting an animal, none.

OP - I would advise you to keep listening to your child. Just note certain things so if things do progress for the worse, you will have some details to look back on.

These sorts of threads attract a huge number of teachers who will nearly always reply and tell you that you're lucky to have a teacher and how much of a favour they are doing by merely turning up to do their jobs (jobs they have chosen to do!) blah blah. Just do a search with the word 'teacher'.

If you’d heard a teacher talk in what you perceived to be a threatening way then it’s fair enough to give feedback. However this isn’t the case. You are relying on a six year old to accurately relay tone and wording which they don’t reliably do.

I don’t like it either, I w worked in a school and reported a teacher for shouting at a young child so loud they hid under a table and cried. I think it’s wrong.

I think you would be unreasonable in making a complaint OP. Sometimes I'll get my little one in trouble, nothing major, things like "no, come down from there". My almost 4 year old niece then repeats this to her little cousin but in a big bellowing voice with her hands planted on her sides, like a bossy little madam! She's copying what I've said but not the tone, that bit has been exaggerated. Could this be the case with your daughter?

I asked if it was unreasonable to make a complaint

yes its unreasonable to make a complaint - you weren't there and have been told this second hand, your child was not involved, you don't know the full story.

An unkind comment from a parent referring to me disciplining another child was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I left the profession after 30 years of teaching.
The job I left bore no relation to the one I loved 30 years ago. Poor behaviour and unreasonable parents were large factors in my decision to quit.

Well OP, you asked. Now you know you are being VERY unreasonable so, hth.