to disagree with DH wanting to give this money to ex?

[noonoo11]

Will try and keep it short.

When I first met DH, he was living in the home he and his ex had bought together. When they separated (a year after buying the house), she wanted to move back to the town her parents lived in so he bought her out and the house was transferred into his sole name.

I met him around 1 year later and we've now been together for 7 years married for 5. When we moved in together we agreed that I'd pay for some renovations the house needed and he'd put my name on the deeds which we did. We've now lived in the house together since and I consider it my house. We have together over paid on the mortgage and renovated it since using both of our finances etc..

We are now selling the house and it's obviously worth quite a bit more than it was when he and ex bought it.

Ex has now suggested that he give her a lump sum from the sale "for their children" considering its "their" (his and hers) house.

DH seemed to initially be okay with this idea and didn't seem to think he needed to run that by me.

I've said no he shouldn't be giving out lump sums of the proceeds to his ex who was already paid for her share of the house years ago and certainly not without discussing it with me. And he certainly shouldn't be of the idea that it is in any way her house considering I've been paying the mortgage and for work doing to this house for many more years than she ever did. It's OUR house and the proceeds are OUR money.

Aibu to not want him giving her any money? If he genuinely came to me and said he wanted to put some in savings for DSC I'd probably agree but I don't think it should go to her, there is no need. And I certainly don't think it should be done under some misguided idea that it's still her house and therefore she's due anything.

We also have our own DC now too and are buying another property which may need future works so I don't want to be dishing out lump sums to this person and that.

F

Utter madness and I would question that he still has feelings for her.

If he have her a Penny then I would spit up with him.

He needs to tell her there is NO WAY she is getting ANY money from the sale of the house, which is yours and his and absolutely NOTHING to do with her as she was bought out of it!!!
He can set up savings accounts for all the children (his, not any she may have gone on to have with other men). He can make stipulations as to when and how they get access to their money, making sure she doesn't get access to any of it!
Absolutely do not give this woman any money - she's probably telling all her friends and family how much of a mug your DH is and that she's coming into lots of his money!!

I would honestly consider leaving my husband if he agreed to this.

The entitlement of his ex is off the scale! He has a family to look after and he is not responsible for looking after his ex at the expense of all of you.

If he's giving out money to anyone who asks, I'll have some please

Wait …. What if you had never decided on selling the house would she expect to have cash every now and then?

After reading the updates with you having the children living with you, it makes even less sense.

Sorry OP your DH sounds like a lovely and caring guy but thick as fuck .. no wonder she can be entitled with someone like him it’s been easy for her, but don’t let her take the piss at all.

I almost admire her cheek in asking, but no, I'd feel exactly as you do.

If I was him I'd just be saying "that's a great idea, I will set up a savings account for the kids and pop it in there so that can access it when they're older"

She shouldn't be getting her hands on every penny of the kids money. No way.

I admire her front. They say nothing beats a trial but a failure 😂😂

So you'd be happy being married to a man who was happy to give your money away to his ex?

If she was bought out then that’s that, it’s not hers and she has no right to any of it, end of!

YADNBU Bloody hell OP I'd be absolutely fuming. Not a penny to the ex under any circumstances. The fact that DH even said he'd think about it is bad enough .Serious misguided loyalties 😡

OP maybe your husband like to give me some of the proceeds of your house sale.

I have just as much right to them as his ex partner whom he bought out years ago does, after all.

So you'd be happy being married to a man who was happy to give your money away to his ex?

If he was sexy, had a good sense of humour and pulled his weight with the household chores, I'd be over the moon.

You've already come up with the compromise OP. Some savings for their shared kids. That way her suggestion it's for the kids comes into play and she can't object or cause grief over it. Savings are useful for bairns anyway.

Job done.

She's had share he paid her off. He's being ridiculous

I’d be having a serious conversation with DH about who is the priority here. Kids first equally. Separate from the first wife.

It seems like she is easily able to influence him - just who is his primary partner!?

OP's DH and the EX were never married so she wasn't even his wife.

OP he's doing his fare share by looking after their children 50/50, housing and financially, he doesn't need to give his EX girlfriend/partner money for the DC's future, if he's dead set on doing so arrange for it to be all the DC and you jointly between the two of you open accounts for them, depending on ages you used to be able to hold the account in their name until such times you feel they're old enough to be handed the funds.

There's no need for the EX to be involved at all.

The fact that he could buy her out that quickly after they got the house (they lived in it one year together) proves she didn't invest that much into the house.

She also COULD have used what she got back as a deposit for her OWN house, yet she didn't. She spent it all on "something".

She deserves diddly AND squat from the sale of the house and OP--if your DH even THINKS about it, take your half of the full amount from the sale of the house and take care of you and your children because your DH is nothing but a milquetoast to even consider it. If he decides to put money into some type of account for his DC, makes sure he divides it evenly between ALL his DC, not just the DC he had with his ex.

Show him this post and the percentage of people who thinks he is batshite crazy to even entertain the idea.

Where has she been living since they split? If she has bought a house is she happy to sell it and share the profit with your DH "for the children"?

Absolutely not. She knew what was happening when she was bought out. She was forfeiting any future claim on the property. It doesn’t matter if it’s quadrupled in value since then, she has no current interest in the property.

Just no

The fact that he gives her money so she can take the kids on a holiday is WHY she thinks she is entitled to money from the house. Your DH has NOT established boundaries. It's HER job to pay for their holidays and you and DH's job to pay for yours.

You are now seeing the effects of what happens when you "give an inch". Now the ex is going for the mile. And it sounds like your DH might just be dumb enough to fall for it.

I truly believe that all the money from the sale of the house should go towards your next house, with a bit aside for emergency repairs/redos. Your DH and you can set up savings for all the kids, when the house is bought and things have settled. But, your DH needs to put an equal amount in each fund and not give more to his DC with ex to play Disney Daddy.

If she got back the deposit she put in and a little extra for value appreciation ( if any, it was only a year and they only had 10pct equity in it) then that’s a fair buyout and nobody owes her anything!

its cheeky to even ask , what if the price had gone down , I doubt she would have given him back some money.
imagine if all property sellers could go back to the people they sold to, 9 years after and ask for some of the subsequent value increase back…

I think it is quite nice he gives money to enable DC to go on holiday with their mum. Chances are she was disadvantaged job wise when she had DC, so will not be on a level footing with their dad