Got called "woke" for standing up for a teenage girl on the bus

[Bdaybdilemma]

Was on my way home from town. The bus arrived and a teenage girl who had been stood next to the shelter climbed aboard ahead of the older people in the shelter, skipping the queue. A man (maybe 60 but tall and big build) standing behind her beside the shelter, pulled her backwards using the handle of her backpack, forcefully enough that it pulled her whole body backwards. She didn't say anything to him, kind of awkwardly smiled.

I didn't say anything at the time as I was trying to establish whether she knew him. He then sat at the front of the bus talking to the women she'd attempted to push in front of, and the girl went to sit at the back. I had a chat with her, she was quite shy and told me she didn't know him and she was just on her way home from college.

Just before my stop I approached him and told him quietly I'd seen him grab the backpack of the young woman to pull her backwards and it wasn't ok. He said she'd tried to cut the queue and it was just a little tug.

The two women who he was talking to then starting saying it was disrespectful (not sure if they meant the line cutting or me confronting him) and "oh are you woke". I said regardless of what you think of someone's behaviour it's unacceptable to touch them, and if he had grabbed the backpack of an older person, would that be respectful?

YABU - he was right to grab her
YANBU - he shouldn't have grabbed her

Do you call everyone who disagrees with you a troll?

Exactly this very same happened to me when I was teenager, waiting for the bus, only difference was I didn’t jump the queue, I was there well before anyone else arrived but I had to go for toilet so I left my spot.
When the bus arrived I went in and as in was getting on board, an old bloke behind me dragged me out by my coat and chucked me out.
It was so embarrassing at that time, I was about 14 years old and there was lots of people laughing, nobody came forward to say I was actually there before anyone else and I was too scared to say anything.
Until this day ( 35 years later) anytime I board a bus I still feel the hand dragging me out and I always look around and let people in the front of me even they arrived well after me.
It sounds crazy but it did had a negative effect on me.

SmHe shouldn’t have tugged on her backpack but she did jump the queue and that was wrong - he could have told her “excuse me I was first”?

I think he sounds like a horrible man.
What's wrong with saying 'excuse me, but I was before you in the queue' or something along those lines?
No need for grabbing anyone in this situation.
She would probably have just apologised.

Genuinely appalled that on a site largely populated by women, that so many think it is ok for a man to use his superior size and strength to physically pull at a woman.

No-one should do that to anyone.

You use language to deal with situations like this. There is absolutely no need to use force, and certainly no justification.

And the ' she asked for it' style comments are particularly revolting.

Opposing male violence qualifies as "woke"? I've heard it all now.

The hypocrisy of those of you saying she’s a madam with no manners but going on to justify resorting to physical measures rather than words is hilarious. That man clearly has no moral compass, let alone manners, but she’s the villain? I have waited outside the bus shelter many times before other people arrived inside. He acted physically based on what was potentially nothing more than assumption.

Such a backward mentality. Most likely coming from people who were smacked as kids and think it ‘did them no harm’. I beg to differ.

This is anti feminism! We don’t get an excuse for bad behaviour just because we are smaller and potentially weaker, for God’s sake! You are trying to say he should have let her be entitled just because she was female. No. That is not feminism. She behaved selfishly. That should not be endorsed.

Whether you think he should have said something (hard to do if she was running up the steps) or what he actually did, grab her backpack, this is not a case of sexism, but just a case of adult letting kid (actually a teenager who should know better) how to bloody behave.

Well, yes.

@Bambooshoot if she genuinely skipped the queue, why didn’t he inform her there was a queue and tell her to wait? It was wrong for him to grab her and it would’ve been equally as wrong if he grabbed a man.

He resorted to being a Neanderthal rather than communicating.

@Bambooshoot 🤔

did we read the same OP?

She was running now?

He grabbed her backpack? (But not so that he forcefully pulled her whole body backwards?)

You clearly have no understanding of feminism at all.

Or, as pp illustrated so well, manners.

In civil society we use language when people have broken a social rule. In this case, perhaps unwittingly.

You don't use physical force. That's just not on.

Having to make a ridiculous concocted argument that my post against using force by a larger man against a smaller women, rather than using language, is somehow justifying ' entitled' behaviour shows just how weak your argument is. I was clearly doing nothing of the sort.

Trying to say my argument that a man should not use force to ' correct' a women's behaviour is an anti-feminist one, is, well, just laughable.

My local bus stop services 7 lines. You have no idea who is queuing for which bus. The bus arrives and if you want to board, you step forwards.

From the OP it sounds like he didn’t have time? She pushed on ahead - obviously none of us were there but possibly that was the only way he thought he could get her attention? Shouting could have been more public and more embarrassing, who knows?

@Bambooshoot

This is anti feminism! We don’t get an excuse for bad behaviour just because we are smaller and potentially weaker, for God’s sake! You are trying to say he should have let her be entitled just because she was female. No. That is not feminism. She behaved selfishly. That should not be endorsed.

If you think that an adult man using physical force to reprimand a younger female child for getting on a bus too quickly is feminism you don't have the most basic grasp of feminism is.

@W0tnow

Oh of course, my bad. He was obviously pulling her forward so she could push in even further.

@Bambooshoot Next time I don’t have time to ask someone to excuse me whilst I move past because I’m in a rush I’ll barge past them instead. I’m sure that’s perfectly reasonable.

She shouldn't have pushed in. You shouldn't have involved yourself.

Eh?

good for you OP sticking up for her - I'd be grateful if that were my daughter absolutely no excuse at all even if she was jumping the queue (intentionally or otherwise)

Indeed. I hear a sawn-off shotgun is also helpful for these types of situations.

They should be issued to everyone over the age of 40 to hold at bus stops to fend off gangs of feral youths who might dare jump onto the bus a couple of seconds early.

Both were wrong, him more so.

Also, if she was waiting next to the shelter and the bus just happened to pull up level with her it kind of makes sense to just hop on rather than walk right around the shelter to the back.

He 100% wouldn't have laid a hand on a bloke who was bigger than him. He pulled the girl because she is younger and more vulnerable. He's a bully.
Yes she was rude to push in but a 'excuse me, please wait your turn' would have sufficed.

Agree with this

If you think that a teenager pushing in a queue and claiming victim hood when someone objects, that happens to be a man, is anti feminist, then I would disagree - but it is something that could take a long discussion so a post is not the place. But it is great to hear you are a feminist (I think from your post?)

Feminism needs all sorts, and all of us, (even me!) so I hope that you and I will still support the fight for all women, even if we sometimes disagree personally.