Got called "woke" for standing up for a teenage girl on the bus

[Bdaybdilemma]

Was on my way home from town. The bus arrived and a teenage girl who had been stood next to the shelter climbed aboard ahead of the older people in the shelter, skipping the queue. A man (maybe 60 but tall and big build) standing behind her beside the shelter, pulled her backwards using the handle of her backpack, forcefully enough that it pulled her whole body backwards. She didn't say anything to him, kind of awkwardly smiled.

I didn't say anything at the time as I was trying to establish whether she knew him. He then sat at the front of the bus talking to the women she'd attempted to push in front of, and the girl went to sit at the back. I had a chat with her, she was quite shy and told me she didn't know him and she was just on her way home from college.

Just before my stop I approached him and told him quietly I'd seen him grab the backpack of the young woman to pull her backwards and it wasn't ok. He said she'd tried to cut the queue and it was just a little tug.

The two women who he was talking to then starting saying it was disrespectful (not sure if they meant the line cutting or me confronting him) and "oh are you woke". I said regardless of what you think of someone's behaviour it's unacceptable to touch them, and if he had grabbed the backpack of an older person, would that be respectful?

YABU - he was right to grab her
YANBU - he shouldn't have grabbed her

No of course what he did was not okay. You don't pull people about. He only did it because she was a teenage girl.

YABU she was a cheeky madam and needed telling. Completely acceptable in my book. Since when are we no longer allowed to pull up the younger generation on their behaviour? Just wow.

Pull up, maybe. Pull backwards off a bus by the strap of their backpack? Never in a month of Sundays. Would he have done it to a strapping lad? Probably not.

He sounds like he’s still using his male entitlement to get his way.

It is disrespectful to push in, it is disrespectful to manhandle a persons bag.
I struggle not to react when people push in and I am not a man.

Since when has anyone said that we are not allowed to pull people up. The issue is that pulling ppl up should be in the metaphorical way not literal. No we are not allowed to pull ppl up literally but metaphorically yes we can. Telling someone is different to laying your hands on someone.

Did this entitled little madam offer an apology for her actions? Being shy does not preclude good manners,did you also explain to her that her actions were wrong or just decide to have a pop at old folk?
No he shouldn't have grabbed her but if you were to take issue with this, why did you not also take issue with her barging past folk andvtell her it was rude.Sounds like you think this behaviour is OK as old folk are simply inconvenient holding others up.

Once upon a time if you were told off by total strangers you'd be shame faced and apologetic

Well done on reinforcing the importance of manners and actions having consequences for the next generation. If society continues like this, by the time you're elderly the youngsters will be kicking you out of the way.

YANBU I readily jump the queue now tbh, don't see the point in it anymore, I used to but have gotten used to being jostled out of the way/pushed ahead of that I join in now.

Hmmm he shouldn’t have grabbed

but - a huge but

she was very wrong to jump the queue. He or you should have pointed that out to her. Rather than grab her backpack.

You should mind your own business.

I have to say this is my thought too. If you are going to be the moral police it goes in both directions. Personally there is nothing that pisses me off more than queue skippers, its an act of such utter selfishness (or self absorption if she didn't notice there was one) and I think people should always be called out. She didn't seem that put out by the incident, although I agree he shouldn't have pulled her. By berating him and defending her she is now believing she was right to skip the queue and will probably do it again. As for the idiots with the man, they have no idea what woke means so ignore them!!

She was wrong for pushing in- she should have waited but you’re not being BU if she hadn’t pushed in front of the older people. What if she had arrived first before the old people but had chosen to stand outside the undercover part?

However, the man should definitely NOT have pulled her backwards with her backpack. He should have used his words 😂.
But defo shouldn’t have touched her.

She shouldn’t of tried to skip the queue that’s rude and would of irritated me too. But he shouldn’t of grabbed her. He should of used his words like a respectable adult would.

any sentence like the good old “hi there’s a queue”

As I used to say to my primary school children "Use your words"
Good to know some people think resorting to physical intervention is more appropriate than saying I dunno "Excuse me you have pushed in please get to the back of the the queue and wait your turn"

This goes to show what a nonsense many people's understanding is. Woke us just anything they don't like now, in this case it sounds like what they don't like is people not automatically deferring to their olders who they feel should automatically be seen as their betters. Whereas now we live in a society that holds people more accountable for their behaviour. That girl shouldn't have jumped ahead but an 'excuse me we were waiting/ there was a queue' should suffice, no need for grabbing.

The fact that a number of people are calling her a ‘madam’ is sexist and ageist in and of itself.

She made a social error and was rude. Possibly on purpose out of entitlement, possibly entirely accidentally. Possibly she feels vulnerable being out and about on her own like many teenage girls, because they are. We don’t know.

Even if he had verbally called her out and she’d told him to F off, there is no reasonable justification for him using physical force, a grown man on a child, to prove a moral point. Outrageous entitled behaviour and you were right to call him out.

To clarify the queue situation: she didn't push her way past anyone. She was waiting beside the shelter and went to step on the bus before those waiting in the shelter, so broke the bus queue etiquette of allowing the people in the shelter to get on first.

Exactly. Not much more to say. If he hit her, or pulled her so hard she fell on the ground, that would be different.

I wonder which of them was actually first at the bus-stop?
Maybe the girl assumed she'd get to the back quickly and be out of their way as they made their way to the priority seats!
The man should not have manhandled her, he could have just said, "Excuse me, these ladies were before you!" Or similar.
Personally, I thank you for sticking up for her, especially in your quiet way. It let them know she had someone there for her and that she couldn't just be bullied for their amusement!!

I think you’re totally correct. I would have done exactly the same to many bully’s these days ridiculous. Good on you for standing up for the young girl

When I was a college student, I ran to get onto a bus once, and as I ran for it I passed an old man (had no idea he was also heading to the bus) and he shouted the c word at me. Young people are nervous about missing public transport and usually seem like they are queue jumping but are actually just trying to get home safely.

It WAS right for you to confront him, he could have used words to make his point (but polite words, not like the one in my story above).

How wonderful, such a special quirky memory. It's cheered me up and I wasn't even there!

Was she even queue jumping? She could have been there first and just chosen not to wait in the shelter. My son does that.

But isnt this whole thread sexist, saying he is a bully and is only responding because she is younger and female. Posters are saying he wouldn't do it to a male. Who knows this man and what he would have done.