SIL uninvited DCs to party

[Cocoadoodle]

SIL is having a big birthday party tomorrow night. It’s family and friends and has been booked for ages at a local venue with bar, disco.
Family are coming from different parts of the country, with some staying at other local family members homes and some staying in hotels.
We have 2 DCs, so SILs niece and nephew. DD 10, DS 7
This morning she’s nonchalantly messaged me saying oh no, just found out after speaking to the venue that kids aren’t allowed. I asked her weeks ago and she said they were! My DC are so excited to celebrate their aunts birthday and see their cousins/other kids from extended family, and now they can’t go and she doesn’t seem to give two shits! They’re going to be gutted.
Cousin (in law) is driving over after school tonight to stay at ours with her kids for the weekend, and SIL hasn’t even bothered to tell them that their kids are now not invited.
I know I’m not being U, but what are we supposed to do? Or maybe I am being U as it’s her party so she can do as she pleases.

It's not 'adult goings-on' though, is it? It was billed as 'family and friends' and the OP was specifically told kids would be there/were allowed.

How so? Which part is OTT and unfair?

Well having to get fancy dress for it would rule out that approach. Also I think it's ridiculous to blame the guests for the host's huge mistake. Kids have every right to be upset if they are uninvited to a party, at the last minute, just as much as do adults.

She's made a mistake. It's a pain in the arse. I semi-agree with a PP - you're not being OTT, but what exactly do you want your SIL to do? Be less nonchalant? Maybe, but there's not a lot more she can do.
What can you do? Whatever you want! Make arrangements for the kids and go, or stay at home with the kids. Those are the options!

Making such a drama about it. It's a birthday party at a pub, not the coronation. She'll have a perfectly fine party without the kids, and the kids will survive the "devastation" unless their parents continue to fan the flames of outrage. The sun will rise the following day and life will go on.

A simple "Aunty didn't realize the pub was adults-only; we'll do something else fun instead," should suffice. If the kids continue to be 'devastated,' perhaps some counseling is in order.

I would say that the party / family and spirit of the thing are more important than the venue. Can she not sack off the venue and hire a cheap village hall/ church hall , collect the buffet from previous hotel ( if there is one) and have everyone together having fun.

Exactly; should the SIL walk down the high street naked so the kids can throw mud and tomatoes at her? Would it make the OP feel better if SIL groveled? Self-flagellated? Canceled the entire party? What?

Get a sitter and go, or stay home with your kids, or take them bowling. Expecting the sky to fall because some kiddies aren't going out to the pub is OTT.

100+ guests??
Fascinating how the most thoughtless people can have so many social connections and people who want to be in their lives. Your SIL is very lucky.

If it's me I'd give DH the news but leave it to him (or his DSis) to explain to the children why they suddenly can't come.
It's bad enough they'd be excluded from something they were really looking forward to, but what about the parents who've travelled, bought fancy outfits, gifts, etc..who now may also not be able to come due to childcare issues?

She is absolute self centered idiot. So so inconsiderate of her. YANBU to be annoyed. However as you are the sister in law, do not get involved in any of the drama. Stay out of it. Don't even engage in too much moaning about it.

It's her problem to solve and for her to take the heat. People suggesting you host a rival party are clearly drama queens.

She didn't just "make a mistake" though. She told everyone children can come and confirmed the venue was ok with this. She's obviously lied about that and not bothered checking at all.

I'm sorry that you don't remember or have never experienced the excitement and build up to a party as a child.

For future reference I want to know where all these amazing last minute sitters can be found. Or should we hope for the wind to change and Mary Poppins to come floating in under her brolly

Elastica23 there's a high chance that a lot more people than just kids won't be able to come now

YANBU - I would be livid!!
You've all gone to the expense of getting fancy dress outfits for not just yourselves but the children, too. As you said, some are coming from afar so have had to make arrangements for staying over so it's not like they could've hidden this from their children, and now there are about 20 or so very excited children, of varying ages, that are going to be really upset!
She should have checked this much earlier, and if not her then her partner or DM should have as they know what she's like!
In future, I suggest you check things for yourself, as early as possible, to be on the safe side but for now, well, I wonder how many guests will actually turn up to her party?
Will some decide to take their children elsewhere, maybe a theme park if possible? Will they angrily tell her exactly what they think of her, go home and never speak to her again?
You've already said your home is not that big so how can you host a party for X amount of children, and possibly some of their parents? (Not all parents leave their children alone at parties).
It'll be too late to hire a hall for the night, let alone get food etc in and arrange music.
Yes, I'd be livid, as I am sure a lot of the other guests will be, too!!
Please let us know how things turn out.

Well Op can say no!

I don’t feel like it’s my place to suggest a party to cater to those disappointed. I’ll be more than happy to consider going along to anyone else’s house who suggests it as there are plenty of people local to us and the party venue. But I don’t want to come across as a trouble causer for hosting a rival party.

To be perfectly honest, just have a 'rival party' and work out between you to share childcare so that at least some of you can go to the actual party.

If she throws a wobbler about that, YOU aren't going to be the one seen as a pain in the arse.

If shes as thick as mince as you suggest she is, I really wouldn't worry about upsetting her because you can't possibly accomodate her fecklessness AND keep her happy anyway.

@LaurieStrode what would you do if you had booked a hotel for you and DC and then found out DC were no longer invited?

Has someone booked a hotel??

Yes. It's right there in the very first post....

Family are coming from different parts of the country, with some staying at other local family members homes and some staying in hotels.

This.

Op while yes she’s absolutely ridiculous and it’s horrendous that she’s assumed this isn’t a big deal why are you even going if you hate her so much? Calling her dense and rolling your eyes? I always wonder that people get uptight about occasions when they very obviously hate the person who deserves to have people who actually like them there

@Cocoadoodle - Has your DH been told about what has transpired? What is his take on it?

Can I suggest to you that irrespective of it being your SiL's birthday, if people keep excusing her behaviour (she's a bit thoughtless I think is what you mentioned in one of your posts) that she'll keep doing stuff like this and not checking before extending invites to all and sundry. I honestly think that there has to be some sort of consequence to her thoughtlessness, even if it is something like a different party being set up somewhere so that the kids can go. I also think that it must be driven by your DH and not you so that it's her brother calling the shots here and setting things in motion. I however think that because he's a bloke, he won't give a shite and definitely won't rock the boat (which needs, in my opinion to be rocked).

I think you’ve somehow got confused @stayathomer as I’m not going, I don’t hate her, I haven’t called her dense, nor have I rolled my eyes.

She sounds pretty dim.
What does she think all these families will do with the kids, lock them in the hotel rooms while the parents party?
She's going to have a lot of pissed off people who have gone to a lot of trouble with costumes, hotels and travel expense only to find out on the day they aren't going to be able to attend.

Respectfully @Cocoadoodle , you did call her dense but just didn't type the words yourself and that looks suspiciously like a rolled eyes emoji too.