SIL uninvited DCs to party

[Cocoadoodle]

SIL is having a big birthday party tomorrow night. It’s family and friends and has been booked for ages at a local venue with bar, disco.
Family are coming from different parts of the country, with some staying at other local family members homes and some staying in hotels.
We have 2 DCs, so SILs niece and nephew. DD 10, DS 7
This morning she’s nonchalantly messaged me saying oh no, just found out after speaking to the venue that kids aren’t allowed. I asked her weeks ago and she said they were! My DC are so excited to celebrate their aunts birthday and see their cousins/other kids from extended family, and now they can’t go and she doesn’t seem to give two shits! They’re going to be gutted.
Cousin (in law) is driving over after school tonight to stay at ours with her kids for the weekend, and SIL hasn’t even bothered to tell them that their kids are now not invited.
I know I’m not being U, but what are we supposed to do? Or maybe I am being U as it’s her party so she can do as she pleases.

What an ape.

I wouldn't even go to the party if the plans had changed last minute and meant I then had to find a babysitter etc.

Too much faf for something that could have been sorted weeks ago.

Yes, I’d do this if you’ve space. Kids plus the non-related parents - some drinks and pizzas, snacks and sweets/chocs for costume prizes and put a film on.

Non related to SIL, not the kids!!

I'd be seeing who can host a party for the parents who've got children tbh.

Don't make it a "kids party" just make it a party for all Inc kids who now can't go to SIL's do.

Everyone bring a dish of food or a bottle, whack some music on. Job done.

What about the children that are presumably travelling with their family for their party? Are they now uninvited also?
Id also be really cross op.

I’ll probably stay home with them and my DH can go celebrate his sisters birthday.

I'd keep everyone at home, return her present for a refund and put that towards the money wasted on fancy dress costumes!
I've never heard of a blanket restriction like this before, some places have rules about where children can go but never a total ban.

Yep it seems like all the kids invited are now not able to come because the venue doesn't allow any children.

It's mindbogglingly anyone could think the op was unreasonable for being angry, if anything she's being a lot more calm and rational than many of the others will naturally be when they realise they've travelled the length of the country at great expense and brought costumes for everyone for no reason.

Of course it was intentional. Maybe not intentional in terms of that she didn’t want the kids there, but she intentionally didn’t check when the OP asked weeks ago whether kids weren’t invited.

I would be making sure that everyone who is travelling up knew before they left home s they can decide not to go if that’s what they want.

It’s entirely possible that at this point there won’t be a party if those with kids decide not to travel after all. After all we’re not talking about family who live locally, we’re talking people who are travelling some distance to be there, and anyone with any sense would stay home instead.

And it would serve her right.

I'd be annoyed. But also kind of happy to have a child-free night out, if I was able to sort a babysitter. The kids will get over it if you something with them to make it up to them. But I'd also have zero qualms about just not going, and watching the Barbie movie in our costumes and making our own chocolate fountain at home.

I'd be SUPER annoyed if I'd made plans to actually travel with my kids to go to this party only to find this out though, especially if I'd paid something non refundable for a hotel, and would have to cancel. I wouldn't be scrambling for babysitting away from home for this. I'd be really pissed off.

I'm assuming that there isn't a huge number of people with kids coming to this though because SURELY then it would have flitted across her mind before now. If it's a big enough party for a venue hire/disco etc., she might be expecting 100 people and only a handful with kids in tow, so it might not have been a priority.

Can you return the costumes, OP?

If I’d bought my family costumes and travelled some distance then found out kids weren’t invited /allowed I’d be furious. Travel + hotel + multiple costumes + gift is some outlay! I’d stay home and have a mini party for your kids and your family guests so they are not too disappointed. It doesn’t sound like she is suitably repentant for such an almighty cock-up. Sorry OP - it shouldn’t be on you to throw together a last minute party.

Licensing issue?

Where doesn't allow kids at a reasonable time?

Short or strip clubs and night clubs virtually everywhere allows kids during daytime hours.

Unless its late at night in which case I wouldn't take children anyway.

If its say no kids after 9pm and the party is from say 7pm - midnight and we had older kids I would say we'll pop in for an hour of so but have to leave at the curfew.

@Cocoadoodle if you end up hosting a children's fancy dress party at your house, then tonight, I would be TELLING, not asking, SIL to transfer you over £100 (at least), for catering so that you can buy them all some party food.

She's a thick cow to book a venue without checking about children BEFORE inviting said children.

I'd be furious and wouldn't go. I'd also be billing her for the cost of the children's/your (if you can't go) costumes.

She's an absolute idiot.

so all the families coming in with kids now have no where to go? They have spent time and money to attend this party and have no party to attend.

someone in the family needs to take charge and get to messaging. Maybe find a nearby venue that would work for an impromptu informal night out.

the Hosts feelings really aren’t the priority anymore. What she has done is spectacularly rude.

If the other family children are now uninvited to the party - then they also will have to put up with unnecessary costs for costumes, flights/trains etc. Plus if they do go ahead and travel which of the family members are going to miss the party to look after the kids.
Id be hopping mad.

As a little kid my grandparents organised a similar party - held at their little flat near where we lived in outer London. Relatives came from Australia and Canada. It was awesome. And no silly rules about children etc cos we all just spent the evening in their flat.

What a massive cock up on her part, booking a venue which doesn't allow children for a family party!

How many kids OP? Would it be worth looking at somewhere to get them all together, depending on age but softplay/bowling or something? It is a horrible thing to do to kids.

Oh don't be ridiculous.

She'll have to have them all round at hers, the utter wankbadger.

Ridiculous to want to be reimbursed for SIL's fuck up? How so?

That’s rubbish. She was specifically asked about it and said yes. Anyone with an ounce of sense would have been prompted by that to check with the venue.

I’d be so fucked off. I hate people who can’t get their act together on stuff like this. I wouldn’t bother going to things she’s ‘organised’ any more; she clearly can’t be trusted.

I'd be fuming if I were you. I organised a party for my sisters birthday recently at a local venue and it was mentioned several times to me that absolutely no under 18s and no exceptions to the rule. The event organiser at the venue was telling me that the type of situation OPs sil has found herself in happens a lot despite her telling people. She was saying that the amount of people who turn around on the day of the party saying "oh but my dc are expecting to go" is unbelievable. I can't see how this wasn't brought to your sils attention previously.

I agree. You don't have to have kids to realise they can't be left home by themselves (and that they have feelings!). Even if she honesty didn't even think to check they could come (which could be understandable) most people would then give as much notice as possible once they did realise particularly when people are travelling from far away, and be VERY apologetic when telling them.

But tbf the 'punishment' will probably fit the 'crime' in this case as I imagine a lot of people just won't come to the party rather than come alone/rush to try and find a babysitter last minute.

Not on her radar when the OP specifically asked her? She's got very faulty radar.