Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL uninvited DCs to party

411 replies

Cocoadoodle · 17/11/2023 11:35

SIL is having a big birthday party tomorrow night. It’s family and friends and has been booked for ages at a local venue with bar, disco.
Family are coming from different parts of the country, with some staying at other local family members homes and some staying in hotels.
We have 2 DCs, so SILs niece and nephew. DD 10, DS 7
This morning she’s nonchalantly messaged me saying oh no, just found out after speaking to the venue that kids aren’t allowed. I asked her weeks ago and she said they were! My DC are so excited to celebrate their aunts birthday and see their cousins/other kids from extended family, and now they can’t go and she doesn’t seem to give two shits! They’re going to be gutted.
Cousin (in law) is driving over after school tonight to stay at ours with her kids for the weekend, and SIL hasn’t even bothered to tell them that their kids are now not invited.
I know I’m not being U, but what are we supposed to do? Or maybe I am being U as it’s her party so she can do as she pleases.

OP posts:
EsmeSusanOgg · 17/11/2023 12:35

DelphiniumBlue · 17/11/2023 12:34

No need for the mean comments- she’s clearly only just realised that kids are not allowed, and she’s at work. It’s inconvenient but shit happens and it’s about what can be done going forward.
Maybe the person with children who lives nearest could have a mini kids party at theirs, with backup from the other parents? On rotation if necessary?Maybe you could hire in babysitters?

How do you book somewhere for party and not check?

Motnight · 17/11/2023 12:37

EsmeSusanOgg · 17/11/2023 12:35

Oh lord. Looks like she's going to have a terrible party. This is too short notice for people to arrange sitters etc. plus she's just upset a load of kids - and by extension their parents.

I'd set up a group chat without her to ask what others are doing/ if they are able to attend or not due to the last minute kid uninvite.

I wouldn't do this, it isn't actually going to resolve any thing.

AliceOlive · 17/11/2023 12:37

How many children in the family? I think the time to be angry is later. I’d be trying to sort out some alternative plans for the children so they can still have a good time

YourNameGoesHere · 17/11/2023 12:38

DelphiniumBlue · 17/11/2023 12:34

No need for the mean comments- she’s clearly only just realised that kids are not allowed, and she’s at work. It’s inconvenient but shit happens and it’s about what can be done going forward.
Maybe the person with children who lives nearest could have a mini kids party at theirs, with backup from the other parents? On rotation if necessary?Maybe you could hire in babysitters?

It's not mean though. She's been incredibly mean in inviting children to a party without even checking they can be invited. Presumably she's an adult herself so it's beyond me how you get to that stage without checking stuff like the very basics before handing out invites. Added to that the OP asked her weeks ago to double check and she said they could attend, that's not just an accidental whoops I didn't realise.

EsmeSusanOgg · 17/11/2023 12:39

Motnight · 17/11/2023 12:37

I wouldn't do this, it isn't actually going to resolve any thing.

Show quote history

Well 1) it allows a safe venting space. And 2) it gives a space to quickly see if arrangements can be made for one or two adults to stay back from the party and look after all the kids? Or at least some sort of alternative option. If she is a beloved aunty, they could look at booking a fa.ily friendly brunch/ lunch the next day. As an example.

EsmeSusanOgg · 17/11/2023 12:40

AliceOlive · 17/11/2023 12:37

How many children in the family? I think the time to be angry is later. I’d be trying to sort out some alternative plans for the children so they can still have a good time

This is my thought. Can they have a kid party at a family member's house? Then see aunty and everyone else for brunch/ lunch the next day?

Original poster
Cocoadoodle · 17/11/2023 12:41

I don’t really know the full guest list so can’t invite everyone here (plus there isn’t space), but might make use of the costumes and have a little do at mine with the kids and the family who are staying. They’ll probably think it’s shit because they know there’s going to be fun stuff at their aunts party like a chocolate fountain, but what can I do?
Dont really want to get into the thick of it as it’s DHs family not mine.
Havent told DH yet as he’s at work so don’t know if he will be angry or more Oh you know what she’s like, as she’s got form for being disorganised and thoughtless.

OP posts:
Justanothermanicfunday · 17/11/2023 12:48

Annoying but these things happen, I wouldn't get myself in a fizz about it. She was probably so wrapped up in the party planning it didn't occur to her, which if she doesn't have DCs herself, would be about right! Hope you can get a Babysitter Smile ( I would also return the outfits or save them for school dressing up days etc...)

Iheartpizza · 17/11/2023 12:49

Well depending on how many people are coming with kids (presume it's a relatively high number?) then her numbers are gonna be WAY down if one or both parents now can't/won't come!

I'd sit back and have a chuckle at that tbh! Her party might end up being very shit if only a small number can now attend!

hevs03 · 17/11/2023 12:49

How disappointing for your children and the other's who are travelling, I think in your situation I would go and do something with the kids, make a fuss, maybe cinema or a meal out if your DH is going to be happy to go to the party by himself. Hope your weekend works out ok

Motnight · 17/11/2023 12:50

EsmeSusanOgg · 17/11/2023 12:39

Well 1) it allows a safe venting space. And 2) it gives a space to quickly see if arrangements can be made for one or two adults to stay back from the party and look after all the kids? Or at least some sort of alternative option. If she is a beloved aunty, they could look at booking a fa.ily friendly brunch/ lunch the next day. As an example.

Show quote history

But shouldn't SIL be doing this around trying to work out something that is kind friendly?

I think that Op needs to be careful about setting up a chat about SIL's party without SIL being included. It could lead to bad feelings.

fitforflight · 17/11/2023 12:54

I'd feel really sorry for those travelling from out of area with kids, especially if they've all got fancy dress. Not feasible for everyone but I'd host a fancy dress party the same night at my house so all the kids (and the adults who don't want to leave their kids) can still get together and the costumes aren't wasted.

EsmeSusanOgg · 17/11/2023 12:56

Motnight · 17/11/2023 12:50

But shouldn't SIL be doing this around trying to work out something that is kind friendly?

I think that Op needs to be careful about setting up a chat about SIL's party without SIL being included. It could lead to bad feelings.

Show quote history

SIL should have planned better in the first place. OP says she isn't intentionally cruel just oblivious. Do you think it is likely to happen left to SIL? Also,with SIL in the group there is an opportunity for direct recriminations - instead of working out alternative options, then letting SIL know in a wider chat.

moose62 · 17/11/2023 12:57

You can melt some chocolate in a bowl and get some stuff to dip in it. A few party games, musical statues etc.. and some disco music going and your kids will enjoy it anyway.

Diverpanda · 17/11/2023 13:01

Are family kids the only kids invited?

I'm guessing SIL doesn't have kids, so if she's a bit dozy it might not have been on her radar.

Toomanyemails · 17/11/2023 13:10

In fairness a lot of people who don't have kids and don't have experience in hospitality or events might not think there's any reason kids wouldn't be allowed, or would assume the venue would mention if that's the case. It's frustrating when OP asked specifically but doesnt sound malicious.
The way she's handled it is shit though! Hope you sort something lovely for them, i feel sorry for those travelling a long way only to be left with a childcare nightmare!

diddl · 17/11/2023 13:12

Won't SIL also be disappointed to not have the kids there that she invited??

Or was this always her plan?

Mikimoto · 17/11/2023 13:12

Again, thinking of people going to hotels etc. with kids - who's expected to look after them?
I know OP won't, but she could easily say she's not looking after anyone else's kids. Some parents are def. going to have to miss party.
I'd def. make your house (kids') party central and focus on having more fun than SIL!

BreadInCaptivity · 17/11/2023 13:16

I think that Op needs to be careful about setting up a chat about SIL's party without SIL being included. It could lead to bad feelings.

Frankly I think there's potentially going to be quite a few "bad feelings" from parents who have gone to the effort of getting fancy dress for children who will now be disappointed they can't attend (most likely along with at least one parents as getting a last minute babysitter will be incredibly difficult).

Upshot is she's been incredibly thoughtless - especially as she was specifically asked about this issue.

My sympathy doesn't extend to her in this situation and if the OP can arrange something with other families then she should be bloody grateful, not having a hissy fit about it.

YourNameGoesHere · 17/11/2023 13:20

BreadInCaptivity · 17/11/2023 13:16

I think that Op needs to be careful about setting up a chat about SIL's party without SIL being included. It could lead to bad feelings.

Frankly I think there's potentially going to be quite a few "bad feelings" from parents who have gone to the effort of getting fancy dress for children who will now be disappointed they can't attend (most likely along with at least one parents as getting a last minute babysitter will be incredibly difficult).

Upshot is she's been incredibly thoughtless - especially as she was specifically asked about this issue.

My sympathy doesn't extend to her in this situation and if the OP can arrange something with other families then she should be bloody grateful, not having a hissy fit about it.

Indeed. I'm surprised anyone has voted the OP unreasonable or that lots of posters think just because she doesn't have kids it's all an innocent mistake.

If I were the OP and her husband I'd be prioritising making sure the visiting relatives and their children were all going to have an enjoyable evening and whether that pissed off the sister then frankly tough shit, these aren't small children who won't understand what they are missing out on. They're rightly going to be very miserable at suddenly not being able to go to the fancy sounding party with all their cousins and other family children.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 17/11/2023 13:21

I predict she will offer up your babysitting services to those coming with dc.. Seeing as you will be staying in anyway...

PinkLemons99 · 17/11/2023 13:21

Justanothermanicfunday · 17/11/2023 12:48

Annoying but these things happen, I wouldn't get myself in a fizz about it. She was probably so wrapped up in the party planning it didn't occur to her, which if she doesn't have DCs herself, would be about right! Hope you can get a Babysitter Smile ( I would also return the outfits or save them for school dressing up days etc...)

So if this had happened to you, you’d actually be happy to leave the kids with a babysitter and still attend the party? 😳

WeeSleekitCowrinTimrousBeastie · 17/11/2023 13:24

What a complete idiot.

I'd consider hosting an alternative fancy dress party for the rejected children.

After her birthday someone needs to raise with her the chaos and expense she has caused.

DottieMoon · 17/11/2023 13:25

DelphiniumBlue · 17/11/2023 12:34

No need for the mean comments- she’s clearly only just realised that kids are not allowed, and she’s at work. It’s inconvenient but shit happens and it’s about what can be done going forward.
Maybe the person with children who lives nearest could have a mini kids party at theirs, with backup from the other parents? On rotation if necessary?Maybe you could hire in babysitters?

I think she deserves the mean comments. She may have 'only just realised' but she should have checked with the venue before inviting all the children. On top of that, she hasn't even apologised! All these kids are excited and now the parents have to tell them they cannot go, they paid for costumes so are also out of pocket. The SIL hasn't even made it a priority to tell the rest of the parents with children! She sounds like a right selfish shit!

Justanothermanicfunday · 17/11/2023 13:27

@PinkLemons99 Oh come on, happy to leave them (god forbid!) with a Babysitter? It very obviously wasn't intentional, as if she planned a party having to cancel a lot of the guests last minute! She made a mistake. Yes it's a shame for the Children but it's very easy to come up with an alternative plan for the weekend to give them something else to look forward to! I actually feel a bit sorry for the SiL obviously as well as those guest travelling far. Unfortunately these things happen, I personally chose not to get outraged by every single thing so probably don't belong on Mumsnet.