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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL uninvited DCs to party

411 replies

Cocoadoodle · 17/11/2023 11:35

SIL is having a big birthday party tomorrow night. It’s family and friends and has been booked for ages at a local venue with bar, disco.
Family are coming from different parts of the country, with some staying at other local family members homes and some staying in hotels.
We have 2 DCs, so SILs niece and nephew. DD 10, DS 7
This morning she’s nonchalantly messaged me saying oh no, just found out after speaking to the venue that kids aren’t allowed. I asked her weeks ago and she said they were! My DC are so excited to celebrate their aunts birthday and see their cousins/other kids from extended family, and now they can’t go and she doesn’t seem to give two shits! They’re going to be gutted.
Cousin (in law) is driving over after school tonight to stay at ours with her kids for the weekend, and SIL hasn’t even bothered to tell them that their kids are now not invited.
I know I’m not being U, but what are we supposed to do? Or maybe I am being U as it’s her party so she can do as she pleases.

OP posts:
Cocoadoodle · 19/11/2023 13:10

SIL had said there would be a chocolate fountain so that would’ve at least been something to eat, but they apparently double booked her so that never materialised. Some guests made do with crisps from the bar, and some were ordering takeaways to be delivered.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 19/11/2023 13:11

MacarenaMacarena · 19/11/2023 11:41

I'd message all the families with kids and invite the kids to my house, fancy dress and all! Don't bother with the adults only party - enjoy your own!

I'd read the OP's updates. The "party" was yesterday.

Silvers11 · 19/11/2023 13:19

@Cocoadoodle - Thanks for the update. Doesn't sound like you missed very much to be honest!! Especially as there was no food and the chocolate fountain never materialised. Who organises a big Birthday party and doesn't lay on any food? Even if the chocolate fountain had appeared, that would hardly have kept everyone going. It also sounds like you and your kids had a better time at the impromptu party you had elsewhere .

LardoBurrows · 19/11/2023 13:36

God Op, sounds like it was a rubbish party with no food laid on. I'm sure all the kids at your mini party had a much better time, at least they would have been fed and they didn't miss out on the 'promised' chocolate fountain after all.

CynicalOne · 19/11/2023 14:02

daliesque · 19/11/2023 12:46

Surely if they were that broke they wouldn't have bothered going in the first place 🤷‍♀️

None of this warrants the scale of vitriol towards this woman.

Even in this message, you sound very dismissive! It's not about being too broke to attend.

This party was planned several weeks ago by @Cocoadoodle's account. Perhaps people did overtime so they could afford to attend.

I think SIL was quite selfish in not checking if children were allowed, when she was specifically asked the question.

Also, I don't think there is any vitriol being directed at the SIL.

Are some posts quite heated? Yes.

Are they quite angry in tone? Yes.

Instead of defending SIL, perhaps ask yourself why!

You may be in the privileged position of being able to waste money needlessly, but not everyone is!

And the posters who are quite indignant, are probably thinking of fuel costs, hotels, meals, costumes, gifts, possible time off work, possible overtime to afford this weekend away, for what? Nothing.

And it probably wasn't just the kids who were excited - it sounds like the family are spread out, so the adults probably looked forward to meeting up for a catch up.

So perhaps take a minute to think about money wasted!

And before you say they could have gone anyway, for what? For one parent to sit in a hotel room?

Perhaps more likely, most of SIL's family decided not to throw good money after bad!

The fact that MIL, SIL's mother, was fielding irated calls, tells you how to read the room!

diddl · 19/11/2023 14:31

Can't help thinking that the party she wanted was drinks with friends!

50+ friends!

momonpurpose · 19/11/2023 14:51

Cocoadoodle · 19/11/2023 13:10

SIL had said there would be a chocolate fountain so that would’ve at least been something to eat, but they apparently double booked her so that never materialised. Some guests made do with crisps from the bar, and some were ordering takeaways to be delivered.

To me a party is all about the food! Good job spending the day your own way! But a party without food even if the chocolate fountain arrived...in my culture that is a huge no no and you will be gossiped about for years lol

RampantIvy · 19/11/2023 15:12

I would never have a party without food either. I don't think it is a cultural thing. It is knowing how to be a good host.

Airz · 19/11/2023 15:15

Wow just wow how horribly self-centred she sounds, if I was in this situation we would stay home and would support my dp by staying home also

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 19/11/2023 15:21

Oh god, what a divvy. No kids allowed, no food organised and no communication about either. How does she manage to hold down a job? At least you and the kids managed to get a nice night out of it all. Bet you’re bloody glad you didn’t go to her party after all.

LookItsMeAgain · 19/11/2023 16:36

That's an appalling way to 'organise' a party if I'm being honest @Cocoadoodle. Your SIL essentially organised a location and to hell with everything else, no kids allowed (you really would check something like that if you're actually organising something that family with kids could attend), no food (so not a 'party' just a bar with staff behind it).

Did she even put any money behind the bar and get people a drink or were they having to pay for everything when they got there?
If they did, she really goes down as one of the most thoughtless, lazy party organisers and I use that term lightly.

Your DH as her brother really needs to drive home what his mother has said to her. Tell her that she didn't 'organise' anything and that a LOT of family are mightily pissed off with her because she pulled the rug out from under their feet last minute.

Cocoadoodle · 19/11/2023 16:50

She paid for a singer, cake and decorations, but didn’t put any money behind the bar.
I agree DH should tell his sister what trouble she caused for people. He said he’s going to call her this week, so I’ll be encouraging him to say something to her then. I’m also interested to hear what people actually said to her when they found out their kids could no longer attend. Because for local people it might have been a more minor inconvenience (disappointed kids/useless fancy dress costume/finding a babysitter/just not attending at all), but for those travelling they’ve potentially had all that plus losing money from hotels booked. I’m annoyed, so those who booked hotels they no longer needed but still had to pay for must be really annoyed.

OP posts:
Carpediemmakeitcount · 19/11/2023 18:08

Her guests must have been starving who throws a party with no food or drink. She should have a get together down the pub at least people know they have to pay.

NotSorry · 19/11/2023 19:13

Sounds like you had a lucky escape OP

Oldandcrustynz · 19/11/2023 22:39

I just can't believe it! I would be furious - not the least because my kids were being let down by their auntie.

ShadowCipher · 19/11/2023 22:49

Cocoadoodle · 19/11/2023 13:10

SIL had said there would be a chocolate fountain so that would’ve at least been something to eat, but they apparently double booked her so that never materialised. Some guests made do with crisps from the bar, and some were ordering takeaways to be delivered.

so basically "quite the party overall"

Concannon88 · 19/11/2023 23:07

I love the people giving sil all this credit for being a moron. She knows the children exist, not just that but she bloody invited them on the invites!

HomeBird43 · 19/11/2023 23:21

Lol she sounds a right div and I suspect the defensive/nonchalant attitude is really a bit of an act.

OP I suspect you’re just dying for a good bitch 😂 all this “I want to hear what they said to her, they must have been RAGING”. Let it go. It’s not that big a deal.

rainbowstardrops · 20/11/2023 06:18

I bet you had a better time at your mum's with the kids than you would have had at SIL's non party!!! No food at a party? Just a piss up then!

T1Dmama · 20/11/2023 09:11

I have to say your SIL sounds like a very selfish inconsiderate person!
I couldn’t be bothered with someone so self centred that she can’t even see the inconvenience she’s caused so many.
I also think a huge party for a birthday is OTT but that’s just my opinion, but some adults love the attention I guess.

LookItsMeAgain · 20/11/2023 09:26

Cocoadoodle · 19/11/2023 16:50

She paid for a singer, cake and decorations, but didn’t put any money behind the bar.
I agree DH should tell his sister what trouble she caused for people. He said he’s going to call her this week, so I’ll be encouraging him to say something to her then. I’m also interested to hear what people actually said to her when they found out their kids could no longer attend. Because for local people it might have been a more minor inconvenience (disappointed kids/useless fancy dress costume/finding a babysitter/just not attending at all), but for those travelling they’ve potentially had all that plus losing money from hotels booked. I’m annoyed, so those who booked hotels they no longer needed but still had to pay for must be really annoyed.

Who pays for a singer and decorations but doesn't either cater for (by way of food) or put money behind the bar. A cake for a birthday is practically standard so again I wouldn't be giving her plaudits for doing that, even if it was a personalised one.

It really does need spelling out to her just how thoughtless she has been and how many families were left in the lurch because of her inaction (even a quick phone call a few weeks ago would have allowed some if not all of those who booked hotel rooms to possibly cancel them without incurring a financial loss).

gannett · 20/11/2023 09:44

Interesting that 50+ of SIL's friends turned up anyway and she had fun with them. She sounds spectacularly chaotic but often people like that are popular, charismatic good-times party people (and their friends know to factor their chaos in). She's got to 40 while being chaotic, disorganised and thoughtless, yes, but she's also got to 40 and 50+ friends still want to party with her. She must have plenty of good points.

A piss-up with her mates is probably the exact kind of party she wanted, and she got it.

Caroparo52 · 20/11/2023 09:50

Be the bigger person and save the day... host the kiddy fancy dress party at your house. Buy a ton of pizza crisps pop etc.
Karma is is wonderful thing. You will go down in family history as a complete ledgend

RampantIvy · 20/11/2023 09:57

The party was on Saturday @Caroparo52

Flatdog · 20/11/2023 10:44

“Gutted” about not being able to attend an adult party. I’m sure they’ll get over it.

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