SIL uninvited DCs to party

[Cocoadoodle]

SIL is having a big birthday party tomorrow night. It’s family and friends and has been booked for ages at a local venue with bar, disco.
Family are coming from different parts of the country, with some staying at other local family members homes and some staying in hotels.
We have 2 DCs, so SILs niece and nephew. DD 10, DS 7
This morning she’s nonchalantly messaged me saying oh no, just found out after speaking to the venue that kids aren’t allowed. I asked her weeks ago and she said they were! My DC are so excited to celebrate their aunts birthday and see their cousins/other kids from extended family, and now they can’t go and she doesn’t seem to give two shits! They’re going to be gutted.
Cousin (in law) is driving over after school tonight to stay at ours with her kids for the weekend, and SIL hasn’t even bothered to tell them that their kids are now not invited.
I know I’m not being U, but what are we supposed to do? Or maybe I am being U as it’s her party so she can do as she pleases.

Hope you all had a good night! 😊

I think YABU - She meds a naive mistake in presuming they could be there, and she’s only just found out. You did not ring cousin to ask what her kids would want for tea - you called to tell her before. Sil had done it herself which was mean if you. Maybe she was building herself up to making that call, as she said, in her lunch break. She didn’t choose to uninvite them - she made a mistake and YABU.

Densol57 · 17/11/2023 12:28

What a thicko !! She deserves a shit party
hopefully noone turns up

She made a mistake, she just didn’t think it would be an issue as she hiring venue, lots of people on her initially said maybe it’s just her kids and check with venue. Are they ‘thicko’s’ too?
And even is she is ‘thick’ op has said she’s not a bad person, to wish her a shit party and hope that nobody turns up is just nasty, says more about you than her.

Lots of people love/like their nieces and nephews and would include them.
My family include people of all ages.
If you wanted an event without children, it's quite easy to just not invite them in the first place.

So cousin in laws family haven’t gone, 3 of you haven’t gone. How many others didn’t go and how many got last minute baby sitters and have gone? What’s the general feeling towards it all now op?

I bet sil is gutted she cocked up so much.

Glad the kids had a good time at the non party! Did your husband mention how the actual party went? Did many still turn up?

FFS she made a mistake. People make mistakes. She probably assumed kids were allowed in the place after all they are allowed everywhere else these days. Invited them, assured parents that she wanted them there, then learned they weren't allowed.

She has not harmed anyone and probably feels embarrassed and annoyed herself. She does not deserve the level of vitriol and rudeness that this thread has sent her way. Hopefully she will nit knkw how insulting people have been, including her own SIL, and has had a fabulous party with the majority of guest that she had invited.

And full of empathy 🤣🤣

I Think Sil needs to grow up and not be so self centred .
There are consequences to actions . She didn’t do what she was suppose to and that was check with venue about kids. She invited families with many kids and they all arrange their weekend and travels around Sil and then at last minute this is the outcome . I think it’s terrible .

Guys hasn’t this party actually happened now?

Hi all

The non-party at my mums with my DC and cousins was fun, they all enjoyed each others company. They feel better about missing their aunt’s party after their DF told them it was rubbish but still brought them some cake home.
He said the party was OK, SIL still seemingly had a great time, but it was just a bit of an awkward vibe with family members. All the ones travelling over with kids cancelled (I’m unsure if they’ve voiced to SIL how pissed off they are for her telling them so last minute about kids not being allowed) but a few local ones still attended. He said she seemed very indifferent/unsympathetic about those who had been inconvenienced - just like “I know, what a shame that kids couldn’t come in the end. Oh well!” So that’s really quite annoying, but honestly doesn’t surprise me of her as she very much has this attitude to life in general.
SIL by the way is 40

DH said family seemed thin on the ground at the party but they enjoyed catching up with each other. Most only stayed a couple of hours.
SIL seemed as oblivious as usual and was just having fun with all her friends, of which DH said there were probably 50+ (a few of them cancelled as well and not just for kiddy reasons and she didn’t seem bothered about that either)

She hadn’t put any food on and not told anyone so people were ordering takeaways to be delivered and then eating them in the entrance to the venue.

I have told DH he should have a serious word with her about how her actions have impacted so many people and how her ditsy attitude isn’t an excuse for her lack of organisation. Whether he will or not I don’t know. MIL (SILs mum) told her she was selfish and that she’s had a lot of calls from pissed off family about the last minute change - SIL was apparently all “It’s not my fault!” and thinks her mum is overreacting.

Thank you for the update @Cocoadoodle. About half the guests turned up, and she was still oblivious. It didn't occur to her to check if children were welcome. It didn't occur to her to organise food. Was it a pay bar?

I suspect that there will be a lot of disgruntled guests who will be talking about this party for all the wrong reasons.

Is the no food at parties a thing now. Seems to have happened a few times in past couple of years and cannot remember it happening before then - except house parties from a gazillion years ago. Seems a recipe for disaster - lots of alcohol with hungry guests.

Seems like OP and kids had the most fun.

I'd message all the families with kids and invite the kids to my house, fancy dress and all! Don't bother with the adults only party - enjoy your own!

I don't think it will dawn on SIL how badly she has blundered until she decides to have another big "do", and is baffled by the number of polite refusals (or retorts of "Whaat!!! After last time?"), depending on the self-restraint of disgruntled guests.
You say that she was nonchalant about the fallout this time.
If she's managed 40 years on the planet with tis degree of thoughtlessness and self-absorption, she's unlikely to change now.

Think you had a better evening than the rest of the family!!

Omg, there was no food!!! How selfish! What were the kids going to eat?! I would have only stayed an hour at that party, before heading home for dinner.

@daliesque

You are quite wrong in stating nobody was harmed! Many family members were travelling with kids, and had booked hotels. Those hotels will have wanted payments for the rooms! Also I should think that people would have bought or hired costumes.

So yes, people were harmed financially. It's very, very dismissive of you to say nobody was harmed when there is a cost of living crisis in the UK.

I have told DH he should have a serious word with her about how her actions have impacted so many people and how her ditsy attitude isn’t an excuse for her lack of organisation.

This would be super obnoxious. You sound as though you expect self-flagellation over the notion that she organized a dud party, FFS.

The sun rose today, no one died. Stop obsessing about this woman you obviously dislike and just move on.

Surely if they were that broke they wouldn't have bothered going in the first place 🤷‍♀️

None of this warrants the scale of vitriol towards this woman.

I wonder how many people are out of pocket due to her ineptitude

Not a “party” then if no food supplied.
she had a get together and should have stated that on invite .
she sounds better by the minute

She’s a proper CF isn’t she, after reading that update.

No one died today?

That's a first.

So if there was no food provided that may explain why children weren't allowed to be there. Basically it was just a piss up.