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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit sad about leaving gift?

315 replies

sgtz · 17/11/2023 07:05

Aware I sound totally entitled, but I left my job last week and I’m a bit sad/disappointed with my leaving gift. Team of 10 and we usually put £10 in for collections. I got some chocolates and a card with a generic ‘best of luck from everyone at xyz’. The last person who left (wasn’t even really leaving, just rotating to a different team) got a card signed by everyone, a meal voucher, flowers, and everyone met up on their last day for lunch. No one even bothered to come to see me on my last day because they were ‘too busy’ so we had a virtual teams goodbye. I just feel quite sad at the lack of effort and started to feel like maybe I wasn’t liked very much. I’m going to their Christmas meal in a few weeks and wishing I wasn’t now as it just feels awkward but it’s all paid for…

AIBU? To clarify, I am grateful for what I got. I’m more sad about the fact that they didn’t even sign my card, it looks like a last minute ‘shit, sgtz is leaving - someone get them something’ even though they had 3 months notice…

OP posts:
TheOccupier · 17/11/2023 23:55

sgtz · 17/11/2023 09:01

@AtrociousCircumstance i was thinking this. I’m very close to who I think organised it, or usually organises these things. I was going to message her and say I was a little disappointed that no one signed the card and see what she says… I don’t want to make things awkward though.

Maybe just message to say thanks for organising and see what comes of that?

neilyoungismyhero · 18/11/2023 00:07

I was popular at work. When I left The girls bought me some lovely ear rings and other bits. I then returned as a temp and got a card, understandably of course.. when I finished the assignment. I went to the Xmas meal a few weeks later and it was rubbish. They all chatted about current work stuff and I felt ridiculously out of place with people I had actually been super close to previously. It was disappointing and weird but kind of showed me the way forward. I would forget about your 50 quid and move on.

NovemberRain23 · 18/11/2023 00:12

jhy · 17/11/2023 21:44

Sometimes the closer you are the more they feel comfortable in barely any attitude. We had a temp leave who was with us 9 months and my supervisor was looking at gold Pandora charms for her and I think ended up putting more of her own money in the collection to get her one. It's almost to like, impress her?
When I left after 5 years, I got the usual flowers, wine (don't drink) and I think a small gift card of £20 but I can't even remember - I like to think they did get me something! Clearly I wasn't as liked, or they needed to impress me lol. I am (so I think) good friends with my ex-supervisor and keep in touch by text

I think this is very true.
I am currently working for large well known retailer. People come and come all the time and we have a high number of students dipping in and out. Most people get sod all. You don't even know they've gone.
I had been there four months and took it upon myself to get a woman in my team a bottle and get everyone to sign a card when she was leaving. She was lovely and had worked for the company for all her life! Management didn't bother. Yet someone who had been there not that long who most people didn't know,. got flowers in the staffroom and we were all told to come in for the presentation.

Or it could be something simple like the organiser had lost the card everyone had signed and it was too late to do anything about it.

Ponoka7 · 18/11/2023 00:30

The £50 is spent. If you go then it is likely to make you feel even worse than you do now.

Supersimkin2 · 18/11/2023 00:33

Don’t go. £50 is a tiny price to pay for avoiding humiliation.

Have a really nice Xmas without them and start afresh in 2024.

YerArseInParsley · 18/11/2023 00:57

sgtz · 17/11/2023 07:11

@Mercurial123 its a small team and I did feel very close with them, chat outside work etc, which is why I feel a bit more disappointed.

I’ve paid £50 in advance for the meal that’s non-refundable so I’ll be going, but I think I’ll just drive, not drink and make a sharp exit after I’ve eaten.

Don't tell anyone you're driving you will become their taxi service

YerArseInParsley · 18/11/2023 00:59

dullandgrey · 17/11/2023 07:26

Yeah it's crap. I've recently gone on maternity leave and no one bothered getting me anything lol. The last lady who went off on maternity leave was given individual gifts by every member of staff, which is how the company organised it that they everyone was to get individual gifts for her. So she had about 20 gift bags to take home.. kind of stings but oh well!

I really hope you don't put to gifts in the future and be honest when people ask why.

YerArseInParsley · 18/11/2023 01:14

sgtz · 17/11/2023 07:37

@honeylulu the last person who ‘left’ had only been there for about 6 months as they rotate departments every 6 months, so they weren’t even properly leaving and they had so much more effort put in. 🤣

@sgtz

Ah, if all staff rotate every 6 months this could be the reason.. it's unreasonable for everyone to give £10 every 6 months for someone leaving although it's odd the last one got so much.

Groovy48592747 · 18/11/2023 02:24

This happened to me, after 20 years working in my last place I got no gift. When someone left we would always manage to collect a good amount of money and other gifts. The problem I think was I was usually one of the main 'organisers' of these things and other similar 'organisers' had also left.

Boss who I'd worked for during most of that time got absolutely nothing either. So I was just a job description to her.

On my last day I said how I'd regularly call in and visit them. Of course I haven't bothered. They've probably forgotten me by now anyway. No loss to me anyway, I don't miss them, they're probably still there complaining about stuff all the time and I'm enjoying where I am now.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 18/11/2023 02:39

This happened to me.

The guy who was in my team left the week before me and he got absolutely spoiled.

I didn't, and I was so hurt. I ripped up the card and moved on. Didn't see anyone again and they where quickly forgotten.

Benicebenicebenice · 18/11/2023 05:28

Rjahdhdvd · 17/11/2023 07:28

I’d rather lose the money on the meal than sit awkwardly.

Me too!

LizzBurg · 18/11/2023 06:06

I’d send them a gushing thank you note/email saying how lovely the gift was and how they shouldn’t have gone to so much effort and naming as many people as I could and things we’d worked on together or shared as colleagues. Graciously guilt trip them and I wouldn’t go to the Christmas meal. I wouldn’t tell them, I just wouldn’t show up and if they message on the night, either say I forgot or got a better offer.

Doyouthinktheyknow · 18/11/2023 06:14

I think it’s really tricky with collections because I think everyone expects someone else to do it!

As the manager, I am genuinely ridiculously busy but if I didn’t organise collections, no one else would bother but everyone expects a gift! Lots never contribute either which I get, it’s expensive but it’s frustrating when these are valued colleagues and I end up putting in loads so they get something half decent.

I’ve never been good at gifts though so it’s normally vouchers and flowers. Probably people feel there isn’t a lot of thought but i
do try, I just don’t have any imagination!

Dibbydoos · 18/11/2023 06:40

I'm so sorry people are crass. Id be upset too OP.

Their behaviour is on them, so leave it with them. You escaped, well done. I hope your new employer and colleague treat you well x

Mrsfreeman8 · 18/11/2023 07:10

I left my last job after 11 years and didn’t even get so much as a card from the arseholes I worked with. Literally not a thing.

Original poster
sgtz · 18/11/2023 07:13

@Toomuchtrouble4me nope, that’s not the case at all. I’ve contributed an equal amount to everyone else to multiple leaving gifts, a wedding, 2 ‘big’ birthdays, charity fundraising etc over the last 2 years.

The only thing I don’t contribute to is a ‘savings’ scheme of £5/month which paid for the Christmas meal. I just paid mine at the time, which is why I’m being reminded about the ‘extra’ for the kitty because everyone else has put that in from their savings scheme.

OP posts:
Original poster
sgtz · 18/11/2023 07:15

@YerArseInParsley no, not all staff. There are 7 of us all of same seniority who are fixed, then 2 more senior members of staff then just 1 rotational staff member.

OP posts:
magicscares · 18/11/2023 07:27

I think they could be planning to give you your proper gift at the Xmas do.

Irregardless · 18/11/2023 07:32

determinedtomakethiswork · 17/11/2023 08:00

You don't have to go for the meal. In fact, I think I would be quite honest and say that I was upset that when other people left I had contributed £10 and so had everyone else, but when I left I didn't even have a signed card. Why should people not be told?

This. You need to tell them op. Why go and just sit there angrily seething..

Alwaysdieting · 18/11/2023 07:58

I know how you feel. I retired during covid and a lot of people came in only 2 days a week my line manager kept saying im going to get everything sorted for your leaving do and that she said she was good a it. I got a card with about 6 people on it. I had worked 20 years and there were about 100 people I had worked and got on with very well. She just couldnt be bothered and I did say that I expected more people to sign the card just to have a dug at her. I got about £30 in cash.
This was nearly 3 years ago and I have never been back or kept in touch with anyone and I have never been happier. So sod the lot of them.

Isthisreasonable · 18/11/2023 08:15

If you go and they ask for £25 you can always say that you assumed they were paying for that as your leaving gift.

TammyJones · 18/11/2023 08:22

IfYouDontAsk · 17/11/2023 07:10

I definitely wouldn’t bother with the Christmas party and I’d have felt sad too at the lack of effort. It’s not about the cost of the gift is it, as people might be tightening their belts before Christmas, but it wouldn’t have taken much to individually sign the card. Im sure that it’s an oversight rather than people not liking you so, although it’s easier said than done, try not to take it personally.

THIS
we had 2 people leave on the same day.
Both were equally- totally equally very popular and long serving.

Our team member had a big fuss , lots of expensive gifts and big afternoon party at work with food.

The other team didn't do a thing....,
One of his team came in on her day off with a present for them.

After my boss said , and they are very kind - if we'd known nothing had been arranged we could have done a joint party - but we all thought something had been sorted as they were so popular.

It's Christmas and all the madness at the moment, it's not you x

TammyJones · 18/11/2023 08:30

sgtz · 17/11/2023 09:01

@AtrociousCircumstance i was thinking this. I’m very close to who I think organised it, or usually organises these things. I was going to message her and say I was a little disappointed that no one signed the card and see what she says… I don’t want to make things awkward though.

In our place if you don't contribute, you don't get ti sign the card.
It encourages people to pay up.
But I do let a few slip through if there isn't many takers.
So there's your answer, too close to Christmas- and £50 for the works party?
Or is it 50 for food and 25 for drinks?
That's £75 Confused
Ours is £30
With all the col price increases no wonder there were few takers - it's not you op.

LostFrog · 18/11/2023 08:32

It’s thoughtless, but I wouldn’t take it too personally. It doesn’t reflect on your performance or popularity. Work relationships are weird like that, it’s all so intense at the time but then everyone moves on so quickly, on both sides. It’s up to you if you go along or not, I probably would and I would try to have a good time and not burn any bridges, but that’s just me.

Peacockcolours · 18/11/2023 08:44

I had something similar- worked 20 years at a place and had a 50th birthday and there was no card or collection for me, even though they had done for other colleagues. It really is hurtful and makes you question your relationship with people at work. It’s a hard lesson and be glad you have left. I’m not sure I could do the meal - I might end up saying something to them!