To feel a bit sad about leaving gift?

[sgtz]

Aware I sound totally entitled, but I left my job last week and I’m a bit sad/disappointed with my leaving gift. Team of 10 and we usually put £10 in for collections. I got some chocolates and a card with a generic ‘best of luck from everyone at xyz’. The last person who left (wasn’t even really leaving, just rotating to a different team) got a card signed by everyone, a meal voucher, flowers, and everyone met up on their last day for lunch. No one even bothered to come to see me on my last day because they were ‘too busy’ so we had a virtual teams goodbye. I just feel quite sad at the lack of effort and started to feel like maybe I wasn’t liked very much. I’m going to their Christmas meal in a few weeks and wishing I wasn’t now as it just feels awkward but it’s all paid for…

AIBU? To clarify, I am grateful for what I got. I’m more sad about the fact that they didn’t even sign my card, it looks like a last minute ‘shit, sgtz is leaving - someone get them something’ even though they had 3 months notice…

YANBU. I know it sounds really petty in the grand scheme of things but I think I'd too, be disappointed by the lack of consideration in regards to the card. It takes 1 moment out of your day to sign a nice goodbye note in a card. I'm sorry you're left feeling undervalued by people you've spent so much time with. I'm not sure I'd go to the Christmas party though, I know money is tight and losing out on 50 pounds is alot, but having to sit there with people who couldnt be assed to sign a card would really bother me. Good luck though

It sucks. When I left my job after 16 years I got absolutely nothing as I was made redundant on maternity leave. Decades of watching tens of people leave with lovely send offs.

I can't take it any other way except I was unlikely. Even when I left a short job working as support in school, they got all teachers together to hand over a lovely vase and flowers.

I am expecting the same in a few weeks. I've worked for 22yrs in my job, and am leaving in 4 weeks time.
It was included in the weekly round robin that we all receive that I was leaving and any donations towards a gift can be sent to XXXX account.

I have always given £5 when people I know leave, as it is a large company with a high staff turnover. I'd be broke if I gave more!

I'm thinking it will be quite depressing if I am presented with a voucher for £15!

My husband meanwhile has just selected which Christmas hamper he'd like to receive from his company as a gift! (meat/cheese or vegan).

What industry? I left my company after 8 years actually to become a SAHM. I was one of their most successful Sales Directors, I also had an amazing team of 8 and at one point we were regionally the best performing team. I still had clients and brought in plenty of business for the company. I got a bunch of flowers on my last day. After 8 years.

This happened to me in my last organisation so I can relate OP. I was very very upset about it.

I haven't contributed to any leaving collections or maternity gifts in my new company either. It's just a rule I have now to stop being disappointed again.

I would also write off the £50 for the Christmas dinner. I'd leave with my head held high.

Sometimes the closer you are the more they feel comfortable in barely any attitude. We had a temp leave who was with us 9 months and my supervisor was looking at gold Pandora charms for her and I think ended up putting more of her own money in the collection to get her one. It's almost to like, impress her?
When I left after 5 years, I got the usual flowers, wine (don't drink) and I think a small gift card of £20 but I can't even remember - I like to think they did get me something! Clearly I wasn't as liked, or they needed to impress me lol. I am (so I think) good friends with my ex-supervisor and keep in touch by text

Seriously I have never had this thought or known anyone to voice such a thought. Presumably the OP is not 12!!!

I’d not go to the meal. The cost to my pride would be more than £50.

I’d give the Xmas meal a miss. That’s rubbish and no real effort. I’ve come to work colleagues aren’t friends. I’ve learn people aren’t alway as they seem. Onwards & upwards

Realise

Great idea. I would ask for a credit. I wouldn’t go to the meal under the circumstances.

I’m sorry this has happened to you OP, I’ve had the same a few times. It’s really rubbish and it feels awful but I took it as a sign I made the right choice moving on.

One time the director told my boss not to do anything when I went on secondment as I’d be back then I was made redundant, the other two times colleagues told me later that everyone expected my manager to sort it because they kept saying they would and they didn’t.

I make a real effort now to make sure this never happens to anyone else in my team, whether they directly report to me or not. Don’t write off all your old colleagues though - they may have trusted the person who said they’d sort it or have not felt able to push back.

You've reminded me of when I went on maternity leave with my first, years ago. Rotational post (medical) and I was finishing slightly before we were moving on. Lived 50 miles away and was changing jobs post maternity leave. Weeks later I was contacted "when are you going to come and collect your leaving present? it's in the office". No offer to post it, no recognition that I might not really be up for getting back there with the baby.

Oh no don't do it!!!!!! Super awkward, just leave it...!

I get the feeling :( I was made redundant after eight and a half years and got a £20 Amazon voucher, whilst someone else who was leaving at the same time (by choice) got a spa day voucher. Don’t get me wrong, I prefer the Amazon voucher as they knew I would use it for books but they spent more on her than me and I had been there twice as long. Not ungrateful at all (considering I said I didn’t want a fuss as I was embarrassed) but just made an incredibly awkward goodbye even worse

I recently had this too. Went on mat leave, no card, nothing, not even when baby arrived. Felt really hurt. Worked there a while, get on really well with everyone. I think everyone would have expected my manager to arrange and I’ve heard him say before he doesn’t do cards.

Hi OP, I felt like that in my last job. We were a great team until my lovely Manager left and we got a new manager who was an absolute bitch. My leaving gift was a box of cheap post it notes and a note book. We would always buy people flowers, a well considered gift and arrange a “goodbye” meal/get together- which was all put together as a team. It definitely was disappointing.

I think that being reminded 4 times that you will need to pay is key. Do you refuse to add to collections? Contribute less ‘because I’m a single parent’ reading between the lines - you e got a reputation for being a bit mean and therefore nobody wanted to dig deep for you. Sorry but that’s as clear as can be to me. A 4 time reminder is not normal, you’re known as a bit stingy.,

I left a company after over 15 years and got a present that would have been loved by the people who bought it, but did not take my taste into account at all. My manager apologised, and said he tried to tell them I'd prefer book tokens. It was a complete waste of money - the gifts got donated to the charity shop, and the vouchers they bought me expired before I was able use them (due to medical issues that were the reason for me leaving, so were obvious).

The client that we were working for also came down and did a leaving presentation for me, and they me got something that cost almost nothing, but which was associated with the job, and couldn't be bought in a shop. That meant much more.

It really is the thought that counts; a lack of thought is hurtful. I'd skip the meal if I were in your position.

Okay, so if any of these people are your friends then this wouldn't matter, as you would be keeping in touch with them anyway.

So if that means these people aren't your friends, I really wouldn't worry about a card signed or not signed by people who aren't my friends.

I know it is hard that there wasn't a big fuss made, but now it is up to you how to feel about it, and letting it go is probably the healthiest.

And go or don't go to the Christmas do. Whatever makes you feel best.

That's hurtful when others have been treated better. It could well have been badly organised or just a reflection on time of year and people feeling less generous.

As pp said, I wouldn't go for the meal if you don't feel happy with them any more. What's the point? It won't be enjoyable if you feel differently about them now and don't plan to stay in touch.

I left a job after a decade and got a card and an orchid. Super shit. I empathize with you when you put money into other people's leaving collections but no one puts into yours.

might they be giving you a better present at the xmas meal

I would be upset too. I moved departments just over a year ago, and despite being part of my team for the better part of 7 years, I didn't even get an acknowledgment on the last team call. That really stung.