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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit sad about leaving gift?

315 replies

sgtz · 17/11/2023 07:05

Aware I sound totally entitled, but I left my job last week and I’m a bit sad/disappointed with my leaving gift. Team of 10 and we usually put £10 in for collections. I got some chocolates and a card with a generic ‘best of luck from everyone at xyz’. The last person who left (wasn’t even really leaving, just rotating to a different team) got a card signed by everyone, a meal voucher, flowers, and everyone met up on their last day for lunch. No one even bothered to come to see me on my last day because they were ‘too busy’ so we had a virtual teams goodbye. I just feel quite sad at the lack of effort and started to feel like maybe I wasn’t liked very much. I’m going to their Christmas meal in a few weeks and wishing I wasn’t now as it just feels awkward but it’s all paid for…

AIBU? To clarify, I am grateful for what I got. I’m more sad about the fact that they didn’t even sign my card, it looks like a last minute ‘shit, sgtz is leaving - someone get them something’ even though they had 3 months notice…

OP posts:
Delt · 18/11/2023 18:28

Maybe they have something planned for the Christmas meal?

JuniperKeats · 18/11/2023 18:35

I worked for nearly 25 years ina school that collected £30 every year for colleagues leaving gifts. The rationle was that y the time you left you would recoup at least some of your contributions. When I left the person co ordinating the contributions had left 2 years before. I got nothing.

Talkinrubbishagain · 18/11/2023 18:36

I wouldn’t go to the meal. What’s the point.

dontbeataboutthebush · 18/11/2023 18:40

Could they be planning on giving you something at the Christmas meal? I would go if you felt close to them.

fetchacloth · 18/11/2023 18:40

JuniperKeats · 18/11/2023 18:35

I worked for nearly 25 years ina school that collected £30 every year for colleagues leaving gifts. The rationle was that y the time you left you would recoup at least some of your contributions. When I left the person co ordinating the contributions had left 2 years before. I got nothing.

That's really bad @JuniperKeats . I would be really upset by that 😥

Bookloverjay · 18/11/2023 18:42

Thats awful OP

A friend and i was parent governors in a school. We was both there for 4 yrs. We didn't just go in for meetings, we helped run clubs, did fates and helped out on school trips.

We'd both seen people come and go and the effort that was gone to say thank you to them for everything.

Fast forward and the school, like many, changed into an academy and was having a new governing body.
We had a party and myself and friend didn't even get a card....
Absolutely nothing.
A card, signed by teachers and other governors would have been really appreciated.
No one actually even thanked us during the party.
We both felt very used.
Yes we both did it for the good of the school and the pupils but a thank you isn't hard to say.

Yeah I am bitter but thankfully my children are all grown up so don't have to deal with it.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 18/11/2023 18:46

Same thing happened to me. I went into hospital for fairly major surgery, and work didn’t even acknowledge it. Plenty of other people in the past had got cards and flowers if they were off sick.

Complications from the surgery meant I couldn’t go back to my job, and no one even sent a goodbye card, let alone the lavish parties and piles of presents that anyone else who left got. I’d been there 12 years and contributed to god knows how many sickness and leaving presents, so it stung that no one gave a shit about me.

nikkiandham · 18/11/2023 18:50

People don't hang around for long anymore and off they go to get a better paying job and often a promotion and then the team are expected to buy them a gift for their sacrifice - I find that weird. Out for a few drinks or lunch if you are close but I think the frequency that a lot of people move jobs now just makes people think it's not such a big deal.

Ganainm488 · 18/11/2023 18:57

I’d go to the meal and then you can gauge who your real friends are. Maybe your closest friend, who organises leaving gifts, has plans to give you your real gift at the Christmas party. And maybe that’s why they keep reminding you about the kitty money - to check you’re definitely coming to the Christmas meal. If that’s not the case you are no worse off. But you might come away knowing better where you stand with everyone.

user1485851222 · 18/11/2023 19:02

I left my last company after 15 yrs, no card, nothing. Personally I wouldn't go to the Christmas meal

Muchof · 18/11/2023 19:06

EmmaInScotland · 18/11/2023 18:22

There's one other possibility - that they knew you were planning on going to the Xmas meal & for some reason, the Card / gifts weren't sorted, so they've decided to do it for then .

We do people keep saying this, have you ever been in the workplace because it just doesn't work like this. 😕Why would colleagues decide to make the Christmas meal about a former employee? She is going to be like a spaare part anyway. You give people a leaving gift on the day they leave and it is pretty unusual to attend the Christmas party of a company you have left anyway!

mumstheword001 · 18/11/2023 19:09

I would feel the same!
when I left someone had stolen £10 from the collection pot, so I ended up with a pretty crappy present.

Saverage · 18/11/2023 19:14

They are not planning to give anything at the xmas meal, I wish people would stop getting the OP's hopes up. The usual gift arranger would have acknowledged it in some way e.g. 'here are some chocs for now, your gift is on it's way, sorry, got a bit held up. Should have it in time for xmas meal to give you then'.

Palacelife · 18/11/2023 19:15

Don’t bother going to the Christmas meal, these aren’t your people and you’ve done the best thing by leaving. Get yourself some better company, there’s people out there who are your people x

PoojaLaxmi · 18/11/2023 19:22

Bingo.

Sunflowerinherfifties · 18/11/2023 19:23

I worked at a supermarket I was pregnant with my 2nd son the younger girl who went on maternity leave got loads of gifts I got a bunch of flowers I felt it was out of pity I was upset

Slitheringheights · 18/11/2023 19:28

it was my 50th last year. Same time as another women, she was loud, bossy and very forward. I’m shy and quiet. I’m a nice person. It’s warehouse of aprox 100 folk. Walked into my shift one morning to. Huge fanfare for this woman’s birthday. Balloons, gifts, memory board of photos.
I walked in to bugger all. I don’t like fuss but it was the fact this women wasn’t very well liked by a lot. It was her large clique that organised it.
I got a gift from my close friend of about 4, on my lunch break. Which I was delighted with. I hate all this different gifts for different folk. It’s like a popularity thing. They all knew it was my birthday too.

Ilovecleaning · 18/11/2023 19:35

SweetFemaleAttitude · 17/11/2023 07:14

I would rather lose the £50 than go for the meal tbh.

Me, too.

DD1963 · 18/11/2023 19:40

Just a thought but do the majority of the team now work from home? No excuse and yes it is hurtful but too be honest with the cost of living crisis and not long to go until Christmas I dread to think about how some people are managing. I would try and put it down to that and try not to think about it too much. I would contact the venue direct explain the situation and see if I could get my £50 back (speak to the manager) if necessary, if you can't get the full amount back you might be able to get a partial refund, good luck in the new job and please just try and think onwards and upwards x.

MeridaBrave · 18/11/2023 19:42

Not nice but you weren’t there long. I wouldn’t go to the meal. I’d ask if anyone else wants to go in your place and if so can they refund. If not it’s just a sunk cost.

Jeannie88 · 18/11/2023 19:44

Sorry yes a bit lame, possibly going to give individual gifts at meal? Could even be a wind up, are u known to be able to take a joke? Like a surprise birthday party, people play it down, then voila the real celebration? If not then just shrug it off, know your worth and put it down to then being unthoughtful and when same happens to them, they will realise. Xx

Ilovecleaning · 18/11/2023 19:45

Is it possible that the last person who left, and who was made a fuss of, was more ‘ popular’ confident,outgoing, louder, often centre of attention? people like this seem to demand or expect lots of attention.
Perhaps you are quieter and less demanding?
you have to make your own decision but consider ditching the Christmas outing. Is there someone else who would like to go instead who would pay you the deposit or at least half? Honestly,you will not enjoy it. Arrange a lunch or dinner with a close friend or two instead. Good luck 🌺

Ilovecleaning · 18/11/2023 19:47

Muchof · 18/11/2023 19:06

We do people keep saying this, have you ever been in the workplace because it just doesn't work like this. 😕Why would colleagues decide to make the Christmas meal about a former employee? She is going to be like a spaare part anyway. You give people a leaving gift on the day they leave and it is pretty unusual to attend the Christmas party of a company you have left anyway!

Show quote history

I agree! Bloody daft to get OPs hopes up! This is so not how it works.

BigFatLiar · 18/11/2023 19:48

I'd go to the meal mainly because I like eating.

I got a couple of individual presents from friends when I left, OH was simply asked to hand in his kit when left.

Ilovecleaning · 18/11/2023 19:49

Delt · 18/11/2023 18:28

Maybe they have something planned for the Christmas meal?

Sorry but that is a really daft suggestion. It so does NOT work like that in the workplace.