I have quite strong views on prostitution

[Tonight1]

Not at all about the women, just that I would not want to date a habitual user! Or punter as they're called. And yes this came up recently.

This is discussion about how you would feel about it?

AIBU - wouldn't mind
YANBU - would mind

When I was 18 on sixth form (is that the age? It's been so long!), one of my friends was 'bought' a prostitute by his father to, I guess, get him started/familiar etc... which I think is abhorrent. It's instilling a belief that women are just objects.

Just curious what people would think in that situation? Would this guy get any slack for being young and naive? Is the damage done? I didn't respect him after that, and if I were an interested female party, the ick factor would put me right off. However, upon reflection, there's a part of me that sees it as parental abuse. He was coerced by his father. I know we can't see inside his head, and people will argue men can't 'perform' without desire, which is largely true... but if he was egged on to follow through with it under duress, is there not a rape parallel here? Sadly, I know this is not uncommon in some societies...

I'm definitely not in any way saying it is comparable, or as serious as true rape (apologies if it came out that way)... but it is forced sex without desire/approval.

I feel, @C1N1C , that you've gone away desperate to conjure up a gotcha scenario to open the door to 'oh it's ok if...'

I'm sure plenty of misogynist rapists learned it from the misogynist rapists who went before them. It doesn't make a difference to the amount of harm done to women so please stop searching for a hypothetical scene in which you can make it all about men's feelings.

It is completely impossible to know if a sex worker is trafficked, threatened, or otherwise under duress. In which case any man who buys sex is okay with there being a chance of raping someone, and can get aroused and go through with it knowing that could be the case. Just so they can wank into that person's body. I wouldn't date anyone who remotely thought it was okay.

@TangerineNeonLight

That was not my intent. We're not going to cover every prostitution topic in one thread, but what I raised was a true account, and one I felt was relevant to the OP's original question of could you overlook someone who had been to a prostitute. In his situation, him being also (in my perception) a victim does not diminish her situation at all. Both sides can be traumatised.

As I said, truthfully, I have no idea whether this was inherently in his nature too...he might have enjoyed it, he might have asked for it, but I'd like to think positively and assume this was his father's doing, and as such, consider it a form of inflicted abuse. I'm not trying to shift the attention away from the trauma these women suffer, merely getting back onto the original question.

Famously, Russell Brand's father took him to prostitutes when he was a teenager and no doubt such an upbringing fucked him up and instilled horrendous attitudes within him. He's clearly not a good person to date, as per the OP's question @C1N1C .

Eighteen year olds are very young, but still capable of having empathy for others and seeing women as human. Everyone is a product of the environment in which they were raised, but still has to take responsibility for their choices. And when that choice means dehumanising women and stripping away their choices (even if their own legs took them there as you suggested upthread as the barometer for consent, let's not forget) then that will certainly have an impact on how others view you.

There is a lot of acrobatic reaching for some way to make men the real victims on this thread and it's extremely informative.

I would never speak to a man again that had ever paid for sex.

I do find some of this thread very depressing. There is no way of knowing whether a prostituted woman or a woman in a porn video is there because she has made an entirely autonomous choice or whether she is coerced, trafficked or in any other way abused. This is an incontrovertible fact. But people are still saying "What about men's needs/wants? What about this individual man-what about him? He has a disability. He was abused by his father. He is damaged. How are his needs going to be met without prostituted women?" Well yes-it's very sad-but the solution is not to exploit women. It's not women's job to fix men!

Just curious what people would think in that situation? Would this guy get any slack for being young and naive?

At the time? No, I8 year-olds aren't babies.Years later, if they were genuinely remorseful and it had been a one-off and they'd treated women respectfully ever since? Maybe.

100%

Either by

1. Finding someone who wanted to have sex

or

2. Not having sex.

The whole thing just makes me sick. The idea that an old man could buy an 18 year old.. God I hate the world.

It's such a simple solution, it boggles the mind the knots some people will tie themselves into to try to make the solution instead 'just rape women, it's the only possible answer to this very perplexing problem'.

Men could masturbate. You know, like I have to anyway, whether I have sex or not, if I actually want to orgasm.

Yeah, they can have sex with the “ad libitum” women who have put themselves forward through OLD.

I agree.

I can barely remember being 18 but I recall not thinking of myself as a child. Of course I felt very young but definitely had very clear beliefs and morals - perhaps more passionately held than now as an older woman because 18 year olds are very passionate about things.

There is no excuse these days for a young man of 18 to be ignorant about issues regarding consent and very many would not allow their dads to coerce them into such an act at that age. Just think, if he could force his son to do that what else could he force him to do - commit murder?