I have quite strong views on prostitution

[Tonight1]

Not at all about the women, just that I would not want to date a habitual user! Or punter as they're called. And yes this came up recently.

This is discussion about how you would feel about it?

AIBU - wouldn't mind
YANBU - would mind

he is on benefits, so can't afford £3k. You are talking crap now

He used them a few times, and had sex with one (his virginity). The rest were company.

so why then have you said the following:

He never had sex with anyone

And someone very close to me now told me he has used prostitutes several times. He has ASD and he felt it was his only way to have sex.

Those are 3 very different statements.

I don’t give a flying fuck what he supposedly thought - he knows buying sex off women is not the norm or acceptable because he ‘confessed’ It to you. He knows he can’t get sex any other way. It makes fuck all difference to his victims. I’m pleased they stole from him.

Oh sweet irony - the man is so poor but can afford prostitutes and have hundreds to spare in his wallet. But his prostitutes are affordable because they’re vulnerable and desperate. And we are supposed to feel sorry for him?

I take it you missed the film reference though.

FFS, he is profoundly autistic and did not know he was being an asshole to women. And that they were being an asshole to him.
He is now getting support, and feels awful about it (rightly so).

But yeah I’m the one talking crap - you expect us to believe you have regular intel on all the Swindon prostitutes and the medical history of the clients they inexplicably parade around with. That makes perfect sense.

I have no idea what film reference you are on about.

You are just being a knob now.

He didn’t know he was ‘being an asshole’ by buying sex? Did he think that was the normal, usual way to get sex? He’d never heard of or had experience of a relationship via the normal route? Yet he confessed it to you because ‘it’s the only way he can get sex’s - so he knew it was wrong?

His victims aren’t ‘being assholes’ to him - they’re desperate and likely addicts and probably fuxking hate the sight of the cunts who ‘hire’ them.

No I’m calling you out on your lies.

No, not the medical intel.. but many are aggressive (like I said in a PP about one outside my friend's house), and the local prostitutes are known if you spend any sort of time in the town centre (which I do)

He does not know the normal way to get a relationship because of his autism.

WHy do you think it is acceptable for people to call him "retard" in the street? Because that is what happens.

But how do you know their clients medical information and where are they parading them around?!

Because they do actually parade it about. And people that do try to help them know about their issues.

Again, with the making things up - when did I say that was ok? Why are you trying to make me out to be ableist?

You say he doesn’t know the normal way to get a relationship but yet something told him to go and coerce women into sex. He has been able to do that with no problem. How convenient that of all the things he was able to do (a man supposedly incapable of forming connections) using prostitutes was his the one thing he has done again and again.

How? Do they link arms with clients and walk about the high street? Is that normally part of the service? And again - how do you know about all the profound disabilities of their clients? Are you working in healthcare and recognise them? And how do you know they have sex with these men - are they doing it in front of you?

Also are there no carers at all in Swindon? Profoundly disabled men just let loose on the high street. Weird. I have a friend in Swindon, her and her DH are both nurses. I’ll have to ask them why there are no carers and how ‘profoundly disabled’ men are able to leave their homes loaded with cash and go to find the local prostitutes, have a little jolly being paraded round, make it home in one piece and do it all again the next day.

I feel awful for telling his story here, but I am defending him.
He was approached in the street. I see it all the time.. the prostitutes here are rather forward.
Bless him, he told me he was awful at sex because he had no idea what he was doing (in his 40s). He did it once, considered it awful and was not into it again. However, he wanted female company.. hugs and chat. He ended up with a prostitute who he did not sleep with, but he spent a lot of time with. She ended up robbing him (along with her boyfriend) to the tune of £100s.
That was a year ago, and she is now trying to get back in touch (to get money). I have been helping block her and learn that she is toxic and trying to take advantage of him.
I have seen the same lady in town (yes, Swindon), with people with profound LD, and disabilities.

Maybe @XenoBitch could make a different thread about this person, maybe on a different site? He did whatever he did. He suffers however he suffers. Buying women is WRONG and this thread is about that, not about how some vulnerable people exploit other vulnerable people. The OP was not suggesting she was considering becoming a carer, and does not sound like an enabler. She was thinking through a RELATIONSHIP. And the point stands. The fuckuppery of punters makes them undesirable partners, whether they are Jack the Ripper or a poor lamb.

Yeah, I am pretty upset by some of the comments about my friend here TBH.
But funnily enough, no comments about my other friend who slept with a prostitute to get back at his wife. Why is that?
I am stepping away now, because my autistic friend has been a rock to me, and is a beautiful person... at one time was very lonely and lacking the skills in what to do. I do not hold it against him.

Women of all types, autistic or not, find it so much easier to find an abuser. FTFY. It's far harder for a woman to find a decent safe-to-be-around man than it is for a man to find a decent safe-to-be-around woman because so many men use porn or use prostituted women.

I wouldn't call my relationships "normal". I can think of exactly one that didn't involve the man lying to me, emotionally blackmailing me, cheating on me, or manipulating me. Because I'm autistic, I'm vulnerable to mistreatment.

There are men out there who prey on vulnerable women, actively seek us out. There are men out there who fetishise disabilities. Believe me when I say that women are not in any way privileged through being preyed on by these men.

In any case, I still don't care what someone's excuse is, they don't get a licence to pay to rape.

The thread has been enormously derailed by endless discussion about this one man. His disabilities and vulnerability do not give him the right to buy women. The harm that prostitution does to women - vulnerable women - far outweighs the harm it does to men. That doesn't mean there is no harm to men - you have given us one, extremely torturous and ever-changing, story about an evil prostitute and her poor innocent male victim. Fine. But for every man like your friend (and if a woman's choice is to be raped for money or to steal money from someone vulnerable I think we can at least agree that's not a great choice and we can empathise with the decision to do the latter!) there are hundreds of thousands of women suffering far more.

The thread is about dating a man with a history of paying for sex. It's a no - to your friend who did it out of revenge, to your autistic friend, to any other men who think for whatever reason that they are more entitled to sex than women are entitled to bodily autonomy.

But funnily enough, no comments about my other friend who slept with a prostitute to get back at his wife. Why is that?

Because you are not defending the cheat, so no comment is required.

I am concerned for you about your choice of friends. Two men who have used prostituted women, one to hurt his wife, these are not people I'd choose to be around.

I think @XenoBitch is coming from a good place, even if a little misguided about the wider impacts.

This really made me think about my female friends though, if anyone went into prostitution I wouldn't lock them into a cupboard or such, but I would be very hissy and impatient and want to vet the men. No chance a weirdo would hurt them if I had anything to do with it.

I mean that I want them to be loved and taken care of

The men who pay to put their dicks into these women don't care whether the women are trafficked, pimped, battered, deliberately made dependent on drugs, groomed into it as a child, etc. And you expect a woman who has at least one of the above done to her to a) have a sufficiently-undistorted concept of "consent" to recognise someone who lacks capacity, and b) to have the luxury of being able to care about that in a situation where turning down punters' money means being battered, going cold turkey, or going hungry.

I agree. Wouldn’t be interested in a man who thought going to strip/lap dancing clubs was ok either. Decent men don’t.