To not plate my 10 year old's pizza?

[Mastmw7g]

DH does most of the cooking and tends to cater to DD. I've become concerned that she will not eat when hungry unless he puts food in front of her. He was out and we had pizza. She told me she didn't see her plate. I said to then grab a plate and join me. She said no and went to her room without eating. DH came home and became upset that she hadn't eaten and said I should have put her pizza on a plate for her.

Absolutely, some girls mask almost perfectly until they reach the point where they can't,and then you hit autistic burnout.

If a sibling already has an ASD diagnosis, OP's DD has a higher than average chance of being ND.

Sharing platters or communal bowls and serving dishes may not be a thing in your family but surely you are familiar with the concept?

indeed

My mum as well - she makes 2-3 pizza's and then will carve them into sections and tell us to help ourselves - ie pick which flavoirs we want and quantity.

Now she does ask my dad which he wants, but he is 75 and using a walker right now so harder to get back to the table with his plate. But the rest of us just collect plate and pick pizza and sit down.

SOMETIMES WITH A TRAY IN THE LOUNGE!!!!!!!

This thread has taken a turn for the dramatic.

For some reason I don't like plating up.
So I never do it.
So when I cook (in fairness I cook slightly fancier dishes than my DP), it's his job to plate. And he also plates up when he cooks!!
I must be a right slattern...

(In return I always wash up / clear things into the dishwasher, whoever cooked.)

But in 3 years time, you're daughter will be an adult who will be able to vote, drink, have children herself, be able fight for her country, or hold down a job etc.

Does she have a some medical reason why she can't feed herself at 15 years old?

That style is usually only reserved for roast dinners on a Sunday in British families.

what “style” @penjil ?

@penjil in your family. Not others.

Maybe yours, but most of our meals are a help yourself from dishes. There's no right/wrong way.

When cooking, I dish everyone’s food on their plate (DH & the 16 year old included). Is this pampering then? 🤔 They’re expected to put their plate in the dishwasher but I don’t expect them to serve their own food unless it is a şeref served meal with lots of small plates/dishes etc when we do tacos but even then I get the plates out!

*self-served

The issue here isn't if the family put bowls out and help themselves or not.

The issue here is that the OP let her 10yo daughter go hungry rather than help her, or even offer to help her, or show any kind of care or assistance or attempt to find out why she wouldn't put pizza on a plate for herself.

THAT is unacceptable.

What her brothers can/do do isn't relevant. You deal with the child you have in front of you, not the child you wish you had or expect them to be.

Meal times/food are not the place to have a battle of wills, thats how eating disorders/disordered eating begins.

Well said.

Off topic, but are people heating plates then putting cold salad on them? I've seen heating plates and I've seen that there must be salad, but are these the same posters?

@Pipistrellus Have the pizza on the hot plates and the salad afterwards, by which time the plates have cooled down. Or have the salad on a (cold) plate on the side or as a first course. You'd definitely need cutlery as well, of course.

I'd just chuck the salad and pizza on a cold plate together with some coleslaw (I really want this now).

I would also have asked my DD what she wanted and plated some up for her.

Says who? It's pretty standard practice in many homes imo.

Lol. This is a mad thread 🤣
I've never even used the phrase ' plating pizza !! I mean it's hardly restaurant style food OP is serving up by the sound of things? Or not serving up actually

If you cook one though what do you put it on? I usually eat pizza in front of the TV. Surely you need to put it on a plate.

If you eat pizza in a pub or restaurant they either put it on a plate or something. They don't just slap it on the table.

'Plating' is a restaurant or cooking programme thing though isn't it? Where you make it look presentable and pretty? At home we just put food on plates or in bowls, or 'serve up'. Depending on the type of dinner it's the cook serves or family style.

I wonder how long she'd be like this if DH had to go away for work for a couple of weeks, or had to stay in hospital or was just too ill to pander to her like that?
Does anyone else do it for her, like aunts, uncles, grandparents?
Your husband has made himself a doormat and he needs to stop doing this, for both their sakes!!
What does she do when she's at relatives or friends places??
Maybe you should leave her with a sitter/grandparents while you take DH away for a long weekend, with strict instructions that whoever she stays with should not pander to her every whim and that she CAN put her own food on her plate and she is quite capable of eating food that hasn't been presented to her!!

I wasn't trying to be posh. I probably used the wrong word. I just meant putting it on a plate.

I wouldn't have done what the OP did though.

Sorry to be contrary, but we eat this way a lot. DD has some issues with food and I find she eats more if she can control her portion size and the mixture of food on her plate. But it is all part of sitting down together with the food in dishes on the table, not people being you'd to just get a plate and fish about in a pan to serve themselves as per a previous poster.

As someone with a child with food issues, I'd suggest the OP has to decide what is most important - that her daughter eats, or her daughter organises her meal in a way that suits the OP. It's not really hard to pop a slice of pizza on a plate.