To not plate my 10 year old's pizza?

[Mastmw7g]

DH does most of the cooking and tends to cater to DD. I've become concerned that she will not eat when hungry unless he puts food in front of her. He was out and we had pizza. She told me she didn't see her plate. I said to then grab a plate and join me. She said no and went to her room without eating. DH came home and became upset that she hadn't eaten and said I should have put her pizza on a plate for her.

Highlighting a poster's thread history for context gets a deletion? That's daft, anyone can carry out an Advanced Search.

My reply to you got deleted. Do an Advanced Search for this poster's threads and see what she has said about her daughters before. This prior posting gives important context.

The concept of family meal would always apply in this house even if it’s the DC and I having a cheeky Deliveroo in front of the telly. I’d usually order the food and therefore be the one answering the door. I might ask DC to get the plates out or I might - but there’s no dinner scenario in which individuals get their own plates out but not anyone else’s.

After reading this thread I’m picturing houses across the country with queues at the cupboard, queues at the pizza box and last in the queue moaning cos some hollow legged teenager has taken nearly all the food.

Many people's dining conventions here sound odd to me but that's by the by. We always had a family meal and of course we'd check who was in before it was made.

@Mastmw7g But it seems like you're playing some sort of games with your DD. Stop that unless you want to encourage her to have a complex. Kids and adolescents can be weird but you should've tried to get her to come down and have some food IMHO after she went off, rather than just ignoring it.

Yes a 10yo.

I work with kids older than her and many need step by step instructions.

She is struggling for a reason.

Giving her step by step instructions will allow OP to see where she starts hesitating and help figure out the issue.

But it also helps if DD gets overwhelmed with it all, just to break it down into steps.

Some people can just learn things easily and pick them up without being taught.
Some people need a bit of extra support and need to be actually taught how to do things in a very basic way.

I agree.

At the very least this poster struggles to parent.

The fact that the issues are always with the daughters and never the sons is quite concerning.

I completely agree!

YABU

The reason for her not getting a plate and putting the pizza on it is not relevant. She's a child and she needs to eat. You're her mum and you need to ensure that happens.

There could be anything going on from ASD/anxiety to an attitude problem to simply having had a bad day and feeling tired. Doesn't matter. You need to be the parent and make sure she's eaten. Your dh was right.

Just seen your comment that you didn't do it for her because she "didn't even ask" you to

Ok, I won't wash school uniform or make packed lunches or pay the mortgage until my DD asks me to 🙄

You're the parent, your DD - who is TEN - should not have to ask you to parent her ffs

Do I know who’s eating dinner in my house, yes. It’s mad, I know, but I talk to my family.

Do I call everyone down to dinner and then serve and all eat together around a table, also yes.

Sorry I think YABU. If we were eating pizza as a family we’d either all be sitting around the table with plates and the pizza in front of us so we’d be helping ourselves (and helping the younger kids if necessary), or I would plate it up (say if we were eating in the other room) and give a plate of food to everyone. That’s not mollycoddling.

If I knew my kids hadn’t eaten dinner I’d give them the option for a slice of toast or something.

Kids of 10 don’t always see consequences to their actions.

If my kids say they’re hungry I ask them to suggest something they would like to eat, and if sensible I will help them with it, like direct them to the right place or say whether we’ve got it or not.

OP must be based in the US based on her spelling and times of posting. Maybe that makes a difference?

I’m only still here because I so enjoy the occasional peak-MN nonsense post that pops up saying:

Even if it’s just pizza for dinner, I always set the table with a full table cloth, napkins, plates, the proper silverware and glassware, even light some candles to ensure a bit of atmosphere. And, of course, I’d never serve just pizza. There is the (massive) salad and other carefully selected side dishes on the table.

Even better if they’ve also added in something about their horror of frozen (or, even worse, takeaway) pizza, and how they only serve home made, sourdough pizza. And so on.

Has DD been diagnosed ASD? If so, despite the absence of identified sensory issues, it could be as simple as her finding it confusing that her father puts food on a plate in front of her, and you don’t. People on the spectrum are more likely to struggle with changes to their routine than NT people.

You could have tried coaxing her.
You could have tried calling her - pizza’s ready, come and put your slice on a plate and eat it.
You could have gone to her bedroom and asked her why she wasn’t eating - perhaps she needed to take herself away to avoid a meltdown.

Do you have ASD yourself, OP? Your focussing on the fact of her not eating unless the plate is put in front her seems very rigid to me, and your lack of effort to find a solution is rather atypical.

😂 you’ve repeatedly called those who do not agree with you ‘rough’. And now you’re flouncing off somebody else’s thread.

Yep, interesting to see how proud some are about their uncouth mealtime habits 😜. Definitely bye to you I do not waste my time on people who support abusive parenting under the guise of being too cool for school.

Some posters are missing the point. OP recently complained about her eldest being a cam girl and also refuse to let her dd 1 live with them as apparently she is difficult ( I wonder why she's difficult 😂) Her 4 dc have grown up in a one bedroom place which in itself is problematic. Op can't be bothered to engage with her dd and posts thread after thread complaining about her female children. She is clearly struggling with some of the basic aspects of parenting, food, accommodation, consistency and love.

In fact... I think OP is a troll.

What on earth are you on about?

Youve got way too invested. And if the OP is a troll as you suspect, you’re giving them exactly what they want with your trillions of posts.

Case in point: thread is derailed because people are having to defend perfectly normal eating habits like not heating your plates up and eating pizza with their hands against painfully middle class people living in a bubble who think they're "uncouth".

I wouldn't say I'm proud of those habits particularly, but I'm certainly proud not to come across as so snobby.

Op can't be bothered to engage with her dd and posts thread after thread complaining about her female children.

Worth repeating.

If I'm cooking I always plate up for everybody, even my 15 year old ds, I don't understand why you wouldn't. If my 15 year old cooks he plates up for me and the rest of the family

Maybe but if PPs are going to respond to a series of entirely different threads its useful to indicate that by putting it into a context in their post.

As it is we have a series of posts expanding the scene described into realms of fiction and pretending that "normal" is some kind of silver service operation every mealtime with any woman not fulfilling this requirement being some kind of abusive mother.

Looking back at some of the other threads I can see where some posters are coming from (although I still can't find links for some of the points being raised). However as freestanding posts they come across as massively judgmental of anyone who allows or encourages their children to serve themselves or lives in overcrowded housing - both perfectly commonplace situations.

At 10 I had not the slightest inkling my DD was autistic, it all went downhill rapidly after 11 and she was diagnosed at 14. I would definitely explore further if I were you, undiagnosed girls can very quickly develop mental health problems.

Yes, DD2 has ASD and ADHD. The ADHD was not a surprise but you could have knocked me down with a feather about the autism, she is an absolute super-masker.