To not plate my 10 year old's pizza?

[Mastmw7g]

DH does most of the cooking and tends to cater to DD. I've become concerned that she will not eat when hungry unless he puts food in front of her. He was out and we had pizza. She told me she didn't see her plate. I said to then grab a plate and join me. She said no and went to her room without eating. DH came home and became upset that she hadn't eaten and said I should have put her pizza on a plate for her.

This is just bizarre. Just pizza for dinner, no salad (or anything else). No-one lays the table. Presumably cold plates. Children expected to come and put a slice of pizza on a plate and eat it with their hands

Thanks. Best thing ever. Gold.

I have just alerted those of my (now adult) kids who are home tonight to the abuse they suffered as kids, and still do I guess. One literally has tears running down their face and can’t speak. They want to know what other pearls this site contains. Many, I assure them.

Not sure how social services missed our family tbh. Pizza without salad. Plates directly from the cupboard without being warmed up. Latecomers forced to use the empty boxes as plates to save on washing up/dishwasher🤣. Eating pizza with their hands🥺. IN FRONT OF A TV🤯. No love🫣. How they went on to be successful degree educated professionals (as children of successful degree educated professionals), who knew their parents loved them - how? For the love of God, how😱.

I don’t feel I can reveal the extent of abuse that was suffered on taco or fajita nights. Cold plates. Serve yourself the bits you want. There were both hard AND soft taco’s. Does that count?

This abuse has continued into adulthood. Tonight, DH made a pasta bake. On finishing and getting out of the oven, he yelled out ‘pasta bake’, served only himself and expected anyone else who wanted some to come get theirs. He is a bastard. I’m obviously planning on leaving him. And taking (now adult) kids.

Kids are absolutely howling. At 10yo they were well able to whack however many slices of pizza they wanted (albeit without a loving salad - but with garlic bread - bonus surely????), onto a non-warmed plate and eating it, safe in the knowledge we still loved them, without an international incident requiring a website discussion.

In the thread where the daughter complains about her siblings is she not complaining about them being awake and playing at 8am on a Saturday?

DD2 when she was younger was often reluctant to leave something she was enjoying doing to eat, pee or anything else.

A bit later she was diagnosed with ADHD- not sure if this is related but I just wanted to mention it.

Just adding this as it may not be that she is princessy or has an ED but just doesn't find food a big priority. DD2 is a good eater (14 now- 5'10" and ten and a half stone - I don't think it has restricted her growth!) but I have never fussed about her not eating if she isn't hungry. In fact I think that is healthier than the "Clear your plate!" idea.

I think the best thing is not not make eating or not eating a big deal. What I would have done is go to find DD and see what she is up to, and remind her to come and get a plate and pizza.

Some rough and ready types on here who are missing the point entirely. It really doesn't matter whether you have rough meal time habits, what matters is a hungry girl who has grown up in a 1 bed room flat as a family of five and whose mother posts thread after thread about how crap t sis that the girls' grandmother and father treat her in a loving and kind way. Slap yourself on the shoulder to prove how cool and casual you are but be careful not to cheer on a mother who publicly slags off her dd. Bye.

Yes. And?

Who wants to be awake at 8am on a Saturday when they don’t have to be

Tonight, DH made a pasta bake. On finishing and getting out of the oven, he yelled out ‘pasta bake’, served only himself and expected anyone else who wanted some to come get theirs.

Thats really depressing.

just being awake and playing is not the problem, playing loudly just outside someones room while they are trying to sleep is rude, regardless of what time it is. people have different sleep patterns, through no fault of their own, it's individual to each person's body. getting enough sleep is vitally important for everyone and especially children.

oops - someone's overcompensating with a lengthy reply...

I can’t believe some of these replies, OP’s DD is 10 not 2…

We are a foody family, love to cook, present the table nicely, encourage table manners and a positive eating experience but there are also evenings when we are knackered, doing club runs working late, still working, and/or like passing ships in the night where my DC will be left to their own devices…

whether that’s helping theirselves a tin of tomato soup and cheese on toast, noodles of Ive pre cooked a pizza and salad and left in on the side.

Geez, no wonder we are raising a generation of snowflakes with no critical thinking skills…

Tonight, DH made a pasta bake. On finishing and getting out of the oven, he yelled out ‘pasta bake’, served only himself and expected anyone else who wanted some to come get theirs.

Thats really depressing.

My kids and I love each other, we're close, normally have dinner together, often hang out and chat/do stuff together, but sometimes, we eat what we want to eat, at the time we want to eat it - we are secure in our love for each other, and the care we have for each other despite that.

This idea of warm plates every meal sitting together I find a bit much. Sometimes we we want that, sometimes we want our own space, and that's fine.

So this is really on ongoing poster where the backstory is neglect and abuse?

How sad. That poor girl. It sounds like some kind of trauma response. She’s asking “do you love me enough to get me a plate”.

it’s like a test.

@LittleBearPad Thats really depressing

How so? How the hell would he know how many of them were home, and wanting dinner (not going out for it). You seriously want him to go all around the house, see how many are home and take a survey on who is staying in for the night and wanting dinner, as some may have had it before getting home. Then warm up plates (apparently that’s a standard), and plate up? Hilarious. Hilarious. But sure, depressing ………..

everyone please. however you eat dinner is fine. plated up warm plates, everyone serves themselves whatever. some people do it one way some the other some a mix. the problem is that OP, knowing her daughter is struggling with this, purposefully made some kind of power play over dinner instead of ensuring her 10 year old child is fed and not hungry. this one single dinner is not so important that OP had to go so far to prove a point. if her daughter genuinely has issues and OP and her husband need to work through them then that should be tackled. but not like this. OP is being so heavy handed and nasty trying to wrestle with her daughter over this one meal. the daughter can obviously sense this which is why she, regardless of being hungry, took herself to her room instead when she saw what OP was doing.

Is it? The poster in question was talking about a household of adults, I can't remember the last time my parents dished up the food for me as an adult. It's perfectly normal to just put the food out in the kitchen and everyone help themselves - because people can then choose what they want and how much.

I initially agreed that in OPs position I'd just put her plate out rather than let a 10 year old not eat, but bloody hell, the responses here are increasingly ridiculous and not very helpful. It's tough to have a constructive conversation when you have people saying adults being invited to serve themselves, or people eating pizza with their hands on a non heated plate is shocking and depressing.

I understand you wanting to encourage dd to serve herself OP but the whole dynamic between you and your child just sounds really off.

I find it odd that you didn't just ask dd why she's choosing to go hungry. Is she woried about it being too hot? (quite possible if she hasn't done it before) or is she afraid of serving herself too much and getting into trouble? Was she overwhelmed by the choice? I would have at least asked. If this isn't something you typically do or she's used to her dad serving it up for her then it might well be a much bigger deal for her than you or other posters on here realise, especially if there's an element of ND there. Why not just ask 'is something putting you off picking some?' And then reassure her 'oh it's ok there's plenty take what you want' 'no I promise it isn't too hot' 'do you want me to talk you through what everything is?' This is gently encouraging independence without turning food into a big deal.

Whatever the reason she doesn't have the skills yet to manage this situation independently and nor will she next time this happens. All she's learning from how it was dealt with is to surpress her concerns and that her needs won't be met. Just talk to her she's your daughter

I've never heated my plates. I didn't realise I was such an awful person. Please send thoughts and prayers.

@HoppingPavlova just seen you're the poster that said about rainbows flying out of arses. We're very much on the same page and you've made me laugh twice today 😀 thank you for that.

You're not very nice are you.

This feels really strange and like you are having a stand off with your DH

I can't imagine not wanting to plate up my kids food and having them join me to eat. It's a pleasure. Doesn't mean they are spoiled

Most of your posts on here are critical of other people. Not sure why it bothers you to read my post when it doesn’t bother you to write similar or worse about others.

I suppose you would expect Mummy to cut it up for you too! We're talking about a pizza not meat, two veg and gravy!

If this was me I would stand by the pizza and watch and assist everyone taking a slice.

I would then watch my DD and see which part she’s struggling with.
I would assume that the youngest may sometimes need help too.

I would give her step by step instructions and take over if she needed me to.
E.g pick up a plate. Which slice do you want. Use your hands/the spatula to pick it up.

If any of those steps she starts hesitating, then remind her how to do it and then ask if she wants you to do it instead.

A PP said it sounds distant and I have to agree.

You know that for whatever reason she chooses to go hungry rather than plate her food up and so instead of trying to help her or do it for her, you let her go hungry.

Next time do it for her but have her there with you to watch how you do it.
Get her involved - ask her to pass you a plate and point to which slice she wants.

Don’t get frustrated with her and see how she gets on.
Keep doing this until she is confident at passing you her plate and pointing at which slice and then do the opposite, you get the plate and she puts the slice on it.

lt does sound like you struggle with parenting (we all do) so keep making threads and we can all try and help each other.

How dare a little girl want to sleep?

Think you are missing a plum piece of info there. It was after 10am and the kid was cracking it that their siblings noise was keeping them from sleeping. Not 5am, not even 7am, but the kid felt genuinely entitled not to have sleep disturbed by household noise at 10am. That’s not a normal requirement for a child to dictate.

@Night409 I would give her step by step instructions and take over if she needed me to.
E.g pick up a plate. Which slice do you want. Use your hands/the spatula to pick it up

At 10yo? That’s normal for 5yo but at 10yo? I have one who has ASD/ADHD/GAD/OCD and every other letter under the sun. Even then that would have been REALLY unusual for 10yo.