Or is he - moving costs after relationship end.

[DietCokeAddict19]

Ex has lived with me, rent free but paying half the bills, for 5 years. In that time he’s been able to rent out his own place to the tune of £1800 a month which he has been putting in savings.

So we’ve split up, and he has moved out and back into his own place. He lives 3 hours away, so with various trips and van hire, it’s cost him £220.

In the process of sorting out finances and our joint account etc, and he has asked me to pay half of his moving costs.

I’ve told him he’s being completely unreasonable - it’s not my problem that he lives 3 hours away and needed to hire a van.

From a guy who earns at least 4 times my salary, he’s just being a CF, right?

Oh well if the game is in your house I guess that's where the game is staying!

Good riddance to bad rubbish, OP, you're well shot of this stingy tight git.

I'm surprised it wasn't on the list of things he wants his money back for! Perhaps he will bill DS separately.

I’m also boggling at him going halves with your son on a game. WTAF. So glad he’s out of your life, and yes to saving all the texts/emails.

Honestly? I expect that next time he gets all het up about how unfair life is and how badly you have acted... he absolutely WILL complain about the game.

Even if it was an expensive game?

Honestly, I've lost all sense of what is fair and normal.

Yes quite possibly.

It's quite sad that it has come to this point - it feels so unnecessary that it's got so petty. Mind you I'm not sure I've ever had a particularly "good" breakup so maybe it's somewhat inevitable?

I know I only told them yesterday, but when I asked the kids if they wanted to see him to say goodbye, they said they weren't sure. DS1 usually asks to video call to see the dog when he is here, but today he said that he might prefer it if we pretend that we never had a dog. I don't know if that is entirely healthy, but if it helps him feel as though he can cope better then I am happy to support him in that (whilst him knowing he can change his mind if he wants). DS2 has been more concerned about me and although he is the one who I thought would want to see ex, he has been asking about why we split up (I haven't given details, other than it was due to lies that ex told that impacted the rest of our relationship) and I think he has seen a different side of ex that he doesn't like.

I won't push them to see him - which feels completely fair as it's up to them, not me.

I asked ex if he wanted to see them, and he asked me to pass a message on to them saying that he would be happy to see them if they wanted to, but declined to give them that message himself. Personally I think he's messed up there - if he wants to continue a relationship with them he really needs to prove that to them, not just get me to play messenger. So I would imagine they feel a bit dumped by him. His loss - they are awesome kids.

Top points for those who predicted he would actually want his stuff.

So he told you he didn't want it and how he has changed his mind?

It's not funny. But I am laughing.

These men are so bloody predictable!

Yes, it’s just weird.

So he’s asking for his stuff back now? My guess is he’s faffing about and delaying it because it keeps a connection going. Once it’s all gone and everything’s sorted there’s no reason to be in contact with him, which he probably doesn’t want.

Yep. He was upset, apparently, when he initially said he didn't want it. Now he does.

Yep!

Yes that's likely to be true. He has removed himself from the whatsapp groups this morning, and the kids haven't shown any keenness to want to see him again, so he has said he feels sad that a month ago he was part of our family, and now he isn't. I acknowledged that I heard him, but offered no other response. In the past I would have apologised, or said I was sorry for how he was feeling. But I'm not going to do that now. I can acknowledge his sadness without taking any responsibility or blame for it. If he wants a relationship with the kids he needs to reach out to them, but he isn't doing that. So that's on him.

Is any of it valuable and worth selling, or is it more hassle to dispose of it than it's worth?

If the former, I would say, "Too late, you said you didn't want it so I took it to Oxfam" and then sell it on Ebay.

If the latter I would say, "OK well it's out front. Better be quick, looks like rain!"

So he has said he feels sad that a month ago he was part of our family, and now he isn't.

Mmm, he actually sounds worse and worse all the time. I am wondering if beyond the financial fuckwittery there were actually a lot more red flags during the relationship that you maybe weren't even aware of?

If it's any consolation, exBIL said something similar to SIL about us recently. the absolutely mind-blowing things about that statement include:

1. he regularly and consistently made it clear he didn't want us there or to be with us at various events and activities over a 10 year period.
2. he has, at various times during the lead up to their break up and in the year or so after sent me, DH, BIL etc long, aggressive messages accusing us and/or SIL of all kinds of (ridiculous) things
3. Consistently and regularly slammed all of us to SIL and PIL.
4. (my personal favourite) he's still upset that FIL won't go out for for a meal with him, man to man, following the breakup even after his poor behaviour and borderline physical abuse came to light.

There's a lot more to this, but I won't bore you.

These men are DELUSIONAL.

Has his stuff already gone to the tip/charity shop? hahah if so.

I can acknowledge his sadness without taking any responsibility or blame for it.

This! I remember when I managed to get my ex out, he was furious with me for 'banishing' (yes he actually used that word) him to his cold, dark shell of a flat that he was in the process of renovating (only made possible by his forcing his way into my flat rent and bill free) how could I be so cruel etc. As if it was my responsibility. He could have stayed with family, he could have stayed in a hotel, he could have rented a flat. It was Not. My. Problem. Be prepared for some crocodile tears.

@DietCokeAddict19 I'm so glad the children aren't fussed to see him again. I would bet they detected this man was not good for you, and maybe they sense the relief and/or calm now he's gone? Also, the stuff is definitely a hook to wind you back in.

Why are you still communicating with this man? Tell him the boxes will be outside your house on Sunday and if not collected by the time it gets dark will go to the tip on Monday.

I hope you have changed all the locks by now. If you haven’t that needs to be your top priority. And have someone over on Sunday. Don’t engage with him and don’t open the door. If not collected just bin everything.

Think it's time to wrap this up like the slap on the knees when a visitor has over stayed.

The only reason he wants to keep talking is so he can use you for something.

Put his boxes outside. Tell him where they are and then block him and be done with him

It's time.

He is due to pick his stuff up on Tuesday. After that there's no reason to be in contact at all.

Feeling grumpy and irritable today so going to bed, hope tomorrow is a better day.

Hes been in the children's lives for 5 years and is showing very little effort to maintain a relationship with them, apart from whining?

Yes. He has made NO effort to maintain a relationship with them. DS1 contacted him yesterday and they played online together for a bit with some texting whilst they were gaming, but that was DS reaching out to him, not the other way around.

If you had asked for rent, he may have asked for a percentage of your house.
I know of a 70 year old, who had her own house before bf lived there. After many years he claimed and won half her house when he left.
She had to convert part of her house so that she could rent it out pay in order to pay for a mortgage

Did the bf own his own property? I have heard similar stories, but I wondered in my case that as he owns his own properties and by us ending I wasn’t making him homeless but just sending him back to his own place, that it would be different? Either way it’s a pretty precarious position for me to be in, and given that he wanted this situation to continue into our old age, I was feeling more and more insecure about it.