To leave toddler playing in the other room for a bit?

[Frogmarch89]

So 18 month old has a giant playpen full of toys. If somebody is in the room she will only play in it with somebody else, she won't play independently. However if there is nobody else in there she happily plays with her toys and talks to her Teddy bears and dolls.

So sometimes I put her in it, make a cuppa and go in the other room for 20 minutes or so. Both doors are open so I can hear her playing and it is safe in there.

I mentioned doing this to my friend and she says that its not normal to leave a child that young alone. I didn't really think anything of it, it's only now and again and gives me a chance to have a cuppa in peace.

AIBU?

People are very obsessed with cameras, I would wager that anyone on here will have made it to adulthood without them!
It's fine if you want them but playpens were invented for precisely this reason. I think you're getting your dc into a good habit of entertaining herself, you don't to be attached to her 24/7.

Sensible parenting IMO!

She’s 18 months not 18 years! Nothing wrong with a camera so she can make sure the baby is safe.

A violation of their rights? Best get rid of those baby monitors too!

Why do you think playpens were invented? There are numerous occasions where a mum needs to know that their toddler is safe while they're doing things. Mopping the floor? Playpen. Cooking dinner for when hubby and eldest son get in from work and school? Your chirpy lil angel crawling around your feet when you're cooking? Playpen in the kitchen. Need a poo? Pop you in the playpen, mummy needs a poo. Playpens aren't for dumping children in when you can't be arsed, they are a necessary bit of equipment to keep your child safe, and also to give them a bit of space that they can call their own. She'll be climbing out of it before long, she will let you know if she's unhappy 😁 xx

Totally fine

its good to encourage some independent playing

Of course it’s ok. Especially in a playpen! No different to playing alone in the cot when they wake at night.

Sids is rare. And its a chemical in the brain. Babies are born with it so you can't really prevent it. My son was fine. I did check on him now and again. He was in his own room at 11 weeks. Was better for both of us.

Definitely ok. It’s good for your mental health to have a break and you will go back with more patience. A play pen is safe so why not?

I think people should read the safe sleep advice from the lullaby trust and decide what they are comfortable with.

This is not totally correct. They have found a chemical which they think is implicated in SIDS, but it doesn't negate safe sleep advice and it's not THE cause, it's just thought to be one contributing factor. The current medical understanding of SIDS is that it tends to happen with a triad:

Vulnerable baby (which might include this gene or it might include factors like being born premature)
Vulnerable period (2-4 months being the peak risk period)
Environmental factors (separate room, face down, too hot, excess bedding, etc)

OTOH yes SIDS is rare. Guidelines are supposed to tell you best practice so that you can work out what your own comfort level is. The idea that if you don't follow guidelines rigidly to the letter it's "unsafe" or "not fine" or dangerous or something terrible is going to happen is just false and an extreme exaggeration of reality. It's about risk reduction not risk avoidance.

There seems to be this sense especially online that guidelines are some kind of magic talisman and I don't think this is helpful. There is always, even if you follow every single thing, a baseline small risk of SIDS. However, the vast vast majority of SUDI cases are happening for babies who are living in pretty chaotic circumstances - parents with addiction, non stable housing, no proper bed, very little medical care etc.

Quibbling about a healthy infant with well supported parents in a stable, warm household - little things like where they sleep has a very very small effect on the overall risk level. We should be aware of these things and let them inform our decision making, it's not correct to just poo poo it and say it doesn't matter. But at the same time it's also up to an individual family to make an informed choice about what risk level they are comfortable with.

Well yeah stick to the guidelines, wasn't far off it being correct. Not all babies are born with it but if they are its likely to happen. But there's a difference between suffocation and sids.

My son when a bit older got a blanket in his cot. He had 2 teddies from the start. He always got put on his back when I put him down. I made the right decision. Followed my gut and instincts. We slept better when I moved him in to his room then.

He's in a warm and loving home.

Consent????? Are you serious?

And I was comfortable and happy to do what I did. Baba was happy.

My eldest was 1 when he worked out how to get out of one when I was making his lunch and popping through every few minutes to check he was playing. He landed smack on the floor on his front teeth and had to have the top front 4 removed which was traumatic and has had consequences for his speech etc. I also know of a child who managed to eat a bit from a toy because it was bought from Amazon and their parent thought it was safe. So many toys are dangerous now because people assume everything is legit CE certified and tested. Luckily they were ok, but again it happens in an instant.

Of course you were happy and comfortable to do what you did. You were lucky. It’s called survivor bias.

Your “baba” was happy yes, but neither the “babas” nor the parents of the babies who died are.

If your baby had died you would not be here spouting dangerous bullshit.

Absolutely fine!

Each parent is different. I wouldn't judge a parent for doing it. They can decide on what's best. And it's not dangerous bullshit.

Some mothers leave their babies under a tree to go and plough the fields, you're leaving her in a playpen whilst you're in the other room, of course it's fine.

Of course it’s dangerous bullshit to allow a baby under 6 months to sleep unsupervised.

And you can best believe I judge any parent who practices unsafe parenting.

Your main job as a parent is to keep your child safe. Neglecting to do so, being lucky they survived to tell the tale AND then dangerously advising others to do the same is reprehensible.

Yet parents risk assess and take bigger risks than the low risk of allowing a baby under 6 months to sleep unsupervised every single day.

Baby needs to be in the same space as you when sleeping (day and night) until 6 months because they base their heart rate, breathing and temperature on you. It prevents SIDS

Untrue and unproven.

It's not like. My son was perfectly safe. Take your judgyness elsewhere.

Co slept until 3, so you mean every single night? Never had time alone with your partner? Did you have sex whilst co sleeping?

Did you go to bed every single night early? Leaving your partner alone and not having time together?

No, he was not perfectly safe. You were just lucky.