To leave toddler playing in the other room for a bit?

[Frogmarch89]

So 18 month old has a giant playpen full of toys. If somebody is in the room she will only play in it with somebody else, she won't play independently. However if there is nobody else in there she happily plays with her toys and talks to her Teddy bears and dolls.

So sometimes I put her in it, make a cuppa and go in the other room for 20 minutes or so. Both doors are open so I can hear her playing and it is safe in there.

I mentioned doing this to my friend and she says that its not normal to leave a child that young alone. I didn't really think anything of it, it's only now and again and gives me a chance to have a cuppa in peace.

AIBU?

Sounds fine to me. I totally get what you mean though, if I am in the room mine will want me to play. If I'm in the kitchen I just hear her chatting away to her toys quite happily.

@Moglet4 I'm Chinese and I often left my baby to nap outside in the pram or rocker, being winter or summer, as long as he was wrapped up or protected from the sun.
My parents also left me outside in the pram when I was a baby. If I were screaming, my dad would say it was good to release some energy 🤣. The others were mortified 🤣

Ok, so the world has officially gone mad.

Playpens were very commonly used years ago. She's safe and enjoys it so carry on.

Your friend needs to keep her opinions to herself and stop judging you.

How times have changed. I put my babies well wrapped up, in their pram, in the garden. I would listen every 10 mins or so to see if they were awake, no child has ever come to harm from crying for a while - we used to say it exercised their lungs 😅 perhaps it would be good for children and mums to do as their mums used to do rather than then the smothering and dare I say stifling over care that seems to prevail today. As long as your child cant come to harm a few minutes of crying is not going to harm them. Let them exercise those lungs 🥰

MY DTs were often left in playpens and similar while I got on with jobs. When very small I would put them in a Moses basket and take them outside while I did gardening jobs. When they were mobile I absolutely used playpens. I remember leaving DS in a wheely chair aged about 8 mths, and I went outside to do a few jobs. I kept looking through the window to check on them both.

After a bit I looked through the window and the chair was empty! I nearly had a heart attack! Ran indoors and found DS lying on his back next to the chair, happily playing with his fingers. He'd obviously put his foot against the crossbar under the seat, and levered himself out. Scary....

Sorry - I'm not trying to put you off. I was obviously a bit slack but as long as you child is somewhere safe then you're absolutely fine!

Jeez absolutely not lax parenting. Everyone parent’s differently. I’m the type of parent who from day 1 home from the hospital put baby in Moses basket in the bedroom while I took a shower/got dressed/did housework etc for 20 mins/ half an hour. My health visitor and midwife always emphasised that if baby is in a safe space and checked on then it’s ok, get yourself a short break. This translates to toddler age surely. I didn’t think anything of it until a friend mentioned to me she thought it strange, and carried her baby everywhere, to the extent of lying them on the bathroom floor when in there! I often go out to run on our treadmill (and have done from about 10wks pp) which is in the garden summer house while LO naps and just take the baby monitor. You do you. Your child is obviously fine. If you’re concerned put a baby monitor in there.

i don’t see the problem?
my toddler also plays independently if I’m in the other room, and she’s not even in a playpen, however my home is child safe.

So it's ok for op to strip her off, wipe her bum, stare at her 16 hours a day all without consent but a video camera is crossing a line? Does that mean you're never taken a single photo of your child until they could give informed consent??

Oh gosh, I am surprised your health visitor didn't tell you that SIDS risk doubles if you are not in the room for long periods - it's not just about room sharing at night - until 6 months. I just would never have taken this risk with any of my children, it's just not worth it for a 20 minute shower and the stress of them crying and not immediately responding is not something I could do either.

Sorry, what? 😅

Sorry I should I clarified I always had the monitor on them. I carried it round the house with me/ propped it up by the shower etc and then checked on them often. My child was, and still is, a heavy breather/ snorer. If they went quite boy did I go and see. But they’ve always napped in their room/upstairs. Or if they were asleep in Moses basket in the living room I’d leave them be, put the monitor on and close the door. Of course I know the risks of SIDS and they are as always regularly checked on along with the monitor. I asked my midwife when I was pregnant as my friend as scared me by saying I had to be round baby 24/7 even when they napped, honestly felt quite overwhelmed by that. She actually laughed and said no of course not, as long as they’re in a safe space like a Moses basket, checked on and monitored you’re fine.

Sorry I should I clarified I always had the monitor on them. I carried it round the house with me/ propped it up by the shower etc and then checked on them often. My child was, and still is, a heavy breather/ snorer. If they went quite boy did I go and see. But they’ve always napped in their room/upstairs. Or if they were asleep in Moses basket in the living room I’d leave them be, put the monitor on and close the door. Of course I know the risks of SIDS and they are as always regularly checked on along with the monitor. I asked my midwife when I was pregnant as my friend as scared me by saying I had to be round baby 24/7 even when they napped, honestly felt quite overwhelmed by that. She actually laughed and said no of course not, as long as they’re in a safe space like a Moses basket, checked on and monitored you’re fine.

Exactly this. And props to person who called out the total idiot who says a camera is violating an 18 month olds rights...seriously get some perspective! Are my rights being violated because my 70 odd year old parents still have the only photographs of my 1980s layering that looked like a perm, etc.? Erm no, I will survive (I wish they had been burned defo, but I will survive). Stop talking utter drivel, there's precedence here...that Nirvana baby dude lost his case.

Good grief the world is losing its marbles!!! Well done Mel2023 for calling out this utter cudswallop!! First OPs tyke is 1.5 years old not 6months or under, 2nd my tyke slept in his own cot in own room from round 4 months & it improved our sanity no end!! 3. there are ways to keep an eye (baby monitors, camera monitors, listen for your child, etc.) 4. Are women/parents supposed to just never sleep again?? 5. tyke sat in his bouncy chair while I showered from similar age, he was in bathroom with me & safe and I could have a blinkin' wash! (he also sat in high chair, sleepy head etc. while I made a cuppa, baked the odd cake, hoovered, etc., he also napped for 3 hrs a day until he was 4 - bliss - and came out in travel system / buggy for walks/baby classes for hours at a time, with planes overhead as it was Windsor...we both adored this Mat Leave time a bunch!) 6. I went back 2 work 3 days a week when he was 8.5 months old, he went to nursery...cried every day, but loved it. Please, please trust me...yes there is SIDS, but you will not be helping them by constantly panicking & never getting any sort of break!!! Tyke is 8 now and fine...he has autism & adhd but that's genetic, not because I didn't stay with him 24/7 until he went to school.

Are you insane? Watching a baby in person or via a camera in another room is utterly normal. Should mum turn off the baby monitor too?

Should she ask permission before changing her nappy?

I hope to god you’re baiting.

its fine!

Oh dear god! WTAF!

Of course it's fine. It's character building too because they're less clingy if they're left alone to play in their playpen etc.
Your friend is being a drama llama.

I have no words. None. Zero. Zilch. 😂😂

The advice now is to be with your baby in the same room when they are sleeping, day or night, to reduce the risk of sids. Monitor makes no difference to this. Of course everyone in reality weighs up risks and makes the choice that fits best for them, but just in case anyone with a little baby is reading this and thinks they might be over the top for being in the same room as their baby when they nap!

Op yanbu. I leave my 12 month old to play by himself from time to time so I can cook/ put a wash on etc etc..i pop in and out.

I'm interested in how people who say they wouldn't do this get anything done. Like how do you make the toddlers meals and clean up afterwards? Do they need to sit in the bathroom with you when you need the toilet? If you wouldn't leave them in a playpen in the day do you not leave them alone in their cot/bed at night?

@JLou08 you take them with you, they sit in their high chair/ at the table/ play with pots and pans on the floor and play whilst you get the meal ready and tidy up.

When you do the chores they come along with you, they love to help.

Nipping to the loo is very different to leaving them for 20 minutes. But she would just play in the hallway at the top of the stairs with the door open if home alone. Sleepwise we co-slept and breast fed till she was 3 so we went to bed at the same time and I'd just read/ listen to music/ watch TV on a tablet until she was asleep

My 12 month old twins have one- they are always in there on their own whilst I cook, nip to the loo have a quick shower etc. the only way I can get anything done!! More hazardous being in there together too as they climb on each other 😂😂 she will be perfectly fine just keep checking on her!

How utterly ridiculous to have a child playing on the floor in the kitchen, whilst you cook.

Hot liquids, dropped items etc, much more of a hazard than being in a play pen.