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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave toddler playing in the other room for a bit?

289 replies

Frogmarch89 · 16/11/2023 13:43

So 18 month old has a giant playpen full of toys. If somebody is in the room she will only play in it with somebody else, she won't play independently. However if there is nobody else in there she happily plays with her toys and talks to her Teddy bears and dolls.

So sometimes I put her in it, make a cuppa and go in the other room for 20 minutes or so. Both doors are open so I can hear her playing and it is safe in there.

I mentioned doing this to my friend and she says that its not normal to leave a child that young alone. I didn't really think anything of it, it's only now and again and gives me a chance to have a cuppa in peace.

AIBU?

OP posts:
AlltheFs · 16/11/2023 14:33

I think it’s ok if it is really 20 mins- but not if it is actually an hour because of doom scrolling etc.

It’s not something I did, but it’s fine I guess.

Mummymummy89 · 16/11/2023 14:33

It's completely fine in earshot.

Very confused by the consenting-to-cameras comment above! If I had a pound for every time my dd didn't "consent" to a nappy change, I'd be rich.

Sometimes you have to do ordinary stuff to keep kids safe, and you do not need the small child's consent for that...!

Twoshoesnewshoes · 16/11/2023 14:34

Did this with all three of mine, they all played independently as children which was great (all played equally well with others too).
It’s really good for their independence and problem solving skills as well as fostering a secure attachment. But mainly, I wanted a cup of tea in peace every now and then.

MonsteraMama · 16/11/2023 14:39

You have been blessed with a child who is happy playing by herself, absolutely make the most of it! My DD was like this too and honestly it kept my sanity in tact when I knew I could leave her to go have a brew for 15 minutes and she'd be happily playing pretend or addressing her loyal subjects.

She's a happy, healthy, well adjusted 16 year old now so it's done her no harm!

Danielle9891 · 16/11/2023 14:39

My daughter is older now but I used to put her in the play pen so I could do the washing up, clean the house and use the oven. It's good as it got her used to not constantly playing with me and made her less clingy. It helped when she started playgroup.

Superscientist · 16/11/2023 14:42

Since my daughter could crawl she has been left to play on her own for 2-5 minutes. At the time she would play with the books on the book case which backed onto the kitchen wall and was quite happy to be their whilst I made a cup of tea or chopped some veg for dinner.
By 18 months she was probably left for 15-20 minutes whilst I'm made dinner for example. I could tell you exactly what toy she was playing with exactly where in the room she was.
Always do a sweep of the room to make sure it's safe start with a minute and go from there.

GimpMasksAndWagonWheels · 16/11/2023 15:00

OMG nobody told me I needed consent from my baby to use a monitor with him 😩😩

FFS, really?

OP crack on, let your little one enjoy exploring their creativity while you subtly check in as and when needed. It's not as if you're suggesting leaving her there for a week while you bugger off to Spain!

Anothenamechange · 16/11/2023 15:07

They can't consent to having their nappy changed either?!

Babyboomtastic · 16/11/2023 15:11

PinkRoses1245 · 16/11/2023 13:51

of course it's fine? They and you need space. and don't use a camera, it's total violation of their rights, they can't consent.

😂😂😂

HAF1119 · 16/11/2023 15:15

Sounds fine

jessane · 16/11/2023 15:49

Mine is 18m and I gave up trying to keep her in the same room as me months ago. She happily plays by herself in different rooms and doesn't want to follow me so I just tell her where to find me and she toddles up the stairs if she wants company. I don't feel the need to be separated from her to have a cup of tea (you could just have one while she naps?) but it's more for when I need to get myself ready or sort out laundry upstairs.

Catza · 16/11/2023 16:20

It's absolutely fine. In a few years' time your friend will be on here asking "my child refuses to play independently and needs me to entertain them every moment of the day, what should I do?"
Independent play needs to be fostered from young age so kudos to you for doing it in a safe and supportive environment.

Catza · 16/11/2023 16:22

PinkRoses1245 · 16/11/2023 13:51

of course it's fine? They and you need space. and don't use a camera, it's total violation of their rights, they can't consent.

A young child has no capacity to consent by law. That's why parents make decisions in child's best interests. Would you also not give your toddler medicine because they can't consent to treatment?

ChilliNoodleGoodness · 16/11/2023 16:40

of course it's fine? They and you need space. and don't use a camera, it's total violation of their rights, they can't consent

Tell me you're a Mumsnetter without telling me you're a Mumsnetter

skyeisthelimit · 16/11/2023 16:54

The whole point of a playpen is that it contains the child and that they are safe, so of course it is ok to go into another room for a short while.

DD used to love hers, it had a blanket and plenty of soft toys in it. She was safe while I did some cooking, or went to the bathroom.

She would often nap in it too.

Excited101 · 16/11/2023 16:56

Great for both of you!

Neverendingstory2 · 16/11/2023 16:57

My DD never played alone, if she had I definitely would do this. As long as the toys are age appropriate and she's safer in her pen I would leave her to it for about 30 mins.

CremeEggThief · 16/11/2023 16:59

Completely and utterly fine. Ignore your friend.

WeeSleekitCowrinTimrousBeastie · 16/11/2023 17:00

Totally fine in my opinion. Did this with both of mine.

WeeSleekitCowrinTimrousBeastie · 16/11/2023 17:03

PinkRoses1245 · 16/11/2023 13:51

of course it's fine? They and you need space. and don't use a camera, it's total violation of their rights, they can't consent.

😂😂😂😂

Actually spat my tea out reading this.

Comtesse · 16/11/2023 17:03

Your friend is over the top. Nothing wrong with using a playpen for its intended purpose.

SouthLondonMum22 · 16/11/2023 17:04

Of course it's fine, that's what playpens are for.

adomizo · 16/11/2023 17:09

This is the parenting nirvana and you have achieved it!!! Your friend might b jealous. Crack on and enjoy your tea !!

Gabby10 · 16/11/2023 17:11

I do this with DD. To me it's only the same as if I was in the kitchen making tea, I don't drag her in with me to sit on the kitchen floor and me near more hazards when she'll happily sit and play with her toys x

Gabby10 · 16/11/2023 17:13

*be near more hazards