Husband refuses to keep sentimental items for our children

[Kitkat189]

I recently did a big clear out at home and finally got around to creating little memory boxes for my children, with things like their christening gowns, first haircut, hospital id badges, ultrasound pictures, one or two special outfits - you get the idea. One of my daughters joined in and added a few items which are special to her (leavers shirt from school, acceptance letter to secondary). I laundered, ironed, mended, ordered acid free tissue paper to wrap clothing in, tied with ribbons blah blah. The boxes were purchased from a company which specialises in keepsake boxes. About 45x30 cm so slightly larger than a big shoebox

husband was so annoyed with how much space these boxes took up and wanted them
gone. He doesn’t see any point to keeping any of this. All he had to say was ‘I would never have bought those [boxes]’.

I feel ridiculously hurt by this. We’ve kept an absolute minimum of baby things over the years, husband took everything straight to oxfam as soon as he could and we only kept a few special items. I just wanted some memories for my children for when they leave home. Something tangible to remember their childhood. Husbands parents never did this for him, maybe that’s why he is so unsentimental.

This morning was spent emptying the boxes and putting a few of the things in a small bin bag which can fit under one of the children’s beds. All the carefully wrapped clothes and christening gowns are just lying around now, soon to be disposed of I assume.

Help me get over this. I don’t know why I am so attached to these things and why I feel so upset, he feels differently about these things and I should be able to accept it but I can’t!!

FFS this is ridiculous. Why are you obediently going along with it?

This makes no sense to me, why are you not keeping the boxes just because he says so? My DP does constant clear outs because he hates what he sees as clutter (I see much of it as just stuff you amass when you have kids). There are certain things in our house that he's dying for me to take to the charity shop or get rid of but I don't want to because I want to keep those things so they aren't going anywhere. He would never chuck them out himself or try to force me to even though he'll complain about them from time to time.

Go put the stuff back in the boxes.

You're being very unreasonable in getting rid of everything - why didn't you just tell him to get stuffed? Is there something else going on here, are you afraid of him? Especially given your daughter was joining in on wanting to keep some special momentoes it's crazy that you're willing to just throw everything away after going to so much trouble to pack them up nicely.

PUT IT ALL BACK!!

Your husbands a miserable sod.

It's perfectly normal and a loving sentimental thing to do, keep special things like a Christening gown!

Don't you dare get rid of anything. Keep it for your children 🩷

God good tell him to fuck off - why does his view take precedence over yours and your kids! This is non negotiable!! I would be devastated if DH did this!!

Who does he think he is!!!

His opinion does not trump yours. I bet he keeps some absolute trash

Could you maybe try saying something like "fuck off, I will do as I want"?

Get them packed back up in the boxes. It is not his decision.

Keep your boxes. Put everything back! That is horrible and controlling of your DH.

This should be the day be becomes an ex. Nobody should live this way, poor you x

YANBU. Put everything back in the boxes and find somewhere to keep them. Do you have a loft that they can go in, or a family member who will look after them? (I wouldn't trust him not to throw them out behind your back if you leave them lying around).

Is he controlling generally or is it just this one issue?

I don't think that his opinion should trump the wishes of you and your DC.

Haha, perfect

Put all the stuff back in the boxes and put them somewhere he won't find them (attic or a kind relatives house?) what a tool. I wish I had this from my childhood. You sound like an awesome Mum xx

You are absolutely not being unreasonable!

Why does he get the final say? Tell him to fuck off!

Why would you do this? Are you scared of him?

Fuck that. Put them back in the boxes and treasure them.

I've got all sorts of random shit from my kids - I've even got a little box of baby teeth (not sure which head they came out of, but I reckon I could make a full set!) and some hair... 😮
Their stuff is like catnip to me.
I keep everything, mainly because all our childhood stuff went in the bin.
It doesn't take up much space and most houses can accommodate a few boxes somewhere. Especially something the size of a shoebox - that sounds restrained to me!
Honestly OP, I can't see why he's making such an issue out of it, other than to be hurtful. Stand your ground - especially as you've taken so much care to assemble things and your daughter has enjoyed helping you.
I feel sad that he's doing this to you all.

You are being VVVVVVV unreasonable for not telling your DH to piss right off and as an adult you can do what you like, why is he the boss of you?

Wtf? Why does he get to tell you what to do? I hope you haven't lost anything for good and can get it all back in the boxes, fuck what your husband says. What a twat.

Does this memory box firm make box big enough to hold a (say) average sized adult male?

Just askin' . . .

He's entitled to feel less sentimental than you about your kids but he doesn't get to tell you what to do.

You went to considerable trouble over these things. Don't let him railroad you into getting rid of them.

I'd like to know how much 'stuff' he's got and how he would feel if you wanted to get rid of it.

He is not controlling! This is oddly the one specific issue he seems to feel strongly about.

why do I listen to him about this? I don’t know. Maybe because I feel ridiculous, wanting his approval and appreciation and feeling hurt about not getting it. It’s just that I literally never do anything tangible for mg family and this silly little project ended up having a lot of meaning for me.

I lost my mother a few years ago and doing this for my own children made me think of how this box might help them feel more connected to me at some point.

It felt so belittling to have these efforts dismissed in this way. We don’t have a ton of space and I did put two of these boxes on the top of dh wardrobe and yes I did move some of his things around to accommodate this. Not ideal but definitely not proportionate to his dismissive reaction in my view.

Extreme reaction to a couple of shoeboxes. It’s not like it’s a tea chest or two per child. Ignore him. He’s being a knob.

He massively controlling on this.
Massively so.

He has utterly dismissed your feelings, your children’s feelings and the effort you all made to put the boxes together.