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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband refuses to keep sentimental items for our children

522 replies

Kitkat189 · 16/11/2023 12:37

I recently did a big clear out at home and finally got around to creating little memory boxes for my children, with things like their christening gowns, first haircut, hospital id badges, ultrasound pictures, one or two special outfits - you get the idea. One of my daughters joined in and added a few items which are special to her (leavers shirt from school, acceptance letter to secondary). I laundered, ironed, mended, ordered acid free tissue paper to wrap clothing in, tied with ribbons blah blah. The boxes were purchased from a company which specialises in keepsake boxes. About 45x30 cm so slightly larger than a big shoebox

husband was so annoyed with how much space these boxes took up and wanted them
gone. He doesn’t see any point to keeping any of this. All he had to say was ‘I would never have bought those [boxes]’.

I feel ridiculously hurt by this. We’ve kept an absolute minimum of baby things over the years, husband took everything straight to oxfam as soon as he could and we only kept a few special items. I just wanted some memories for my children for when they leave home. Something tangible to remember their childhood. Husbands parents never did this for him, maybe that’s why he is so unsentimental.

This morning was spent emptying the boxes and putting a few of the things in a small bin bag which can fit under one of the children’s beds. All the carefully wrapped clothes and christening gowns are just lying around now, soon to be disposed of I assume.

Help me get over this. I don’t know why I am so attached to these things and why I feel so upset, he feels differently about these things and I should be able to accept it but I can’t!!

OP posts:
cordelia16 · 16/11/2023 13:52

the only thing you shouldn't be attached to is your 'D'H

who the hell does he think he is dictating what you want to keep? put everything back in the boxes and tell him to eff off.

LightSpeeds · 16/11/2023 13:52

I have a baby box for each of my children. These represent my most precious memories and times of my life.

Your husband sounds cold and unfeeling.

Please stand up to him and refill those boxes.

Presumably, it's not just his house! I can only think you must have other issues with him...

myotherkidisacassowary · 16/11/2023 13:53

Why do you have to get over it? Who gives a shit if your arsehole husband doesn’t care about the boxes? They were important to you and to your children, his opinion is absolutely irrelevant.

The fact that you conceded to him on this raises all kinds of red flags. Is he abusive? Are you safe?

Tittyfilarious81 · 16/11/2023 13:53

Put them back into the boxes you bought and put your foot firmly down that you are keeping them . I've got a large box of sentimental bits I've kept from my 2 children and there absolutely no chance I'd be told to get rid of them .

MargotBamborough · 16/11/2023 13:54

Can't you just tell him to wind his neck in? He's not the boss of you and he doesn't get to decide what should be kept and what should be thrown out.

LookItsMeAgain · 16/11/2023 13:54

Put the stuff back in the boxes and put the boxes under the kids beds. Your husband doesn't get to have the final call on something that in years to come your kids might be ever so grateful that you held on to for them. If he says anything, say "I'm doing this for them."

DisquietintheRanks · 16/11/2023 13:55

Are you planning to stay with this man once your kids leave home? If so, you'd better get him used to you having your way sometimes.

I think it's fine that he's not sentimental and wouldn't have bought the boxes but that need have no bearing on what you do.

Why can't the boxes themselves go under the bed?

Aquamarine1029 · 16/11/2023 13:55

It's quite sad that you aren't sticking up for yourself and your kids. Tell your arsehole of a husband to do one.

Floralnomad · 16/11/2023 13:55

Just put the stuff back in the boxes and store them in your wardrobe or the kids rooms . Who made him God .

MargotBamborough · 16/11/2023 13:55

Seriously, I'm really angry on your behalf OP.

DO NOT let him get rid of these things. Tell him that if he gets rid of these things you will get rid of him.

EvilElsa · 16/11/2023 13:55

What the fuck? Why didn't you just say you and the kids wanted to keep them and that was it? He doesn't get to make the final decision. It's a bloody keepsake box, the kids could keep them in their rooms. It's hardly going to impact his life keeping two shoebox sized boxes.

Borth · 16/11/2023 13:56

Have you ever looked at them and do they bring you joy? I use to have loads of stuff but then I threw it all out as I never looked at any of it and it was just a waste of space. The kids weren’t remotely interested in keeping any of it either.

Londonscallingme · 16/11/2023 13:56

Why does he get to decide how much stuff you keep? Get the boxes back and put your foot down. Goodness me.

adomizo · 16/11/2023 13:58

It's your DH you need to get rid of. He sounds awful. You have just as much say as he does. It's not like you are keeping huge boxes of stuff. It's totally normal to keep some things. My attic is rammed... 😂

mugofstew · 16/11/2023 13:58

Floralnomad · 16/11/2023 13:55

Just put the stuff back in the boxes and store them in your wardrobe or the kids rooms . Who made him God .

These were my exact thoughts.

SallyWD · 16/11/2023 14:00

I don't understand why you're just blindly following his orders! You'd already created the boxes, why are you being bossed around by him? If my DH said this I'd just say "We're keeping them" end of discussion.
I don't know what your living situation is but is there anywhere you can store them out of sight for a while? Loft? Under beds? If you really have no space could your parents or siblings looks after them for a few years.. There's absolutely no way I'd empty the boxes!
I'd he always an insensitive bully? Do you always do exactly what he says?

Morecladding · 16/11/2023 14:01

You don't get over it. Why are you and your DCs feelings unimportant to him? Put the things back in the keepsake boxes and show your DCs that one of their parents cares about items special to them. If he destroyed them, I'd be destroying things important to him, including the marriage. How did you get to this point where you allow not only yourself, but your DC to be treated so badly?

MargotBamborough · 16/11/2023 14:02

SallyWD · 16/11/2023 14:00

I don't understand why you're just blindly following his orders! You'd already created the boxes, why are you being bossed around by him? If my DH said this I'd just say "We're keeping them" end of discussion.
I don't know what your living situation is but is there anywhere you can store them out of sight for a while? Loft? Under beds? If you really have no space could your parents or siblings looks after them for a few years.. There's absolutely no way I'd empty the boxes!
I'd he always an insensitive bully? Do you always do exactly what he says?

I'd be tempted to store them at grandparents' house or something like that just in case he gets rid of them behind her back. He sounds like an absolute arsehole.

cmaalofshit · 16/11/2023 14:02

Why do his wants trump yours and the children's?
Why can't the boxes be put at the bottom of each child's wardrobe?
Why on earth are you passively letting him remove stuff from the boxes and seem to be waiting for him to bin the stuff??
Tell him it's not happening.
Stuff goes back in the boxes.
If you fear he will chuck them out anyway I would ask another family member to keep them for you on a temporary basis while you are binning this fucker

In what other ways is he controlling?

scandiloving · 16/11/2023 14:03

Can't believe you're even entertaining the idea of getting over this, put everything back in the boxes right now!!! If there is no way that you can, then put everything in non-descript boxes/bags and hide in your wardrobe, you have to keep these few precious items if they are important to you. I hope you're okay.

SophieinParis · 16/11/2023 14:03

eh?!!!! Why on earth did you do what he said?! The correct response would have been “oi fuck you! Im doing this and that’s that! And Im not discussing it anymore”

Although why did you show/tell
him about them if you know what he’s like? I have to say, in the last month I’ve bought 2 new rugs, storage boxes for spices, cushions, toy storage, photo frames..all of which my husband doesn’t “agree” with. I haven’t told him. He hasn’t commented. No argument.

KatBurglar · 16/11/2023 14:04

Who died and made him King of You?

thesugarbumfairy · 16/11/2023 14:04

I said that YABU because why the actual fuck does he get the final say?

Nonplusultra · 16/11/2023 14:04

Please don’t throw away these things. I’m constantly decluttering my house, but if you were my friend I’d store those for you in a heartbeat.

If your dc were involved in putting those boxes together they may not forgive you for giving in to him.

Is he abusive in other ways too?

Hibiscrubbed · 16/11/2023 14:05

Who made him king of the house?!

Don’t you dare listen to him and do as he’s decreed. He’s a total cunt. Please make the boxes. They’re special and wonderful.

Ugh, I hate your husband.