Husband refuses to keep sentimental items for our children

[Kitkat189]

I recently did a big clear out at home and finally got around to creating little memory boxes for my children, with things like their christening gowns, first haircut, hospital id badges, ultrasound pictures, one or two special outfits - you get the idea. One of my daughters joined in and added a few items which are special to her (leavers shirt from school, acceptance letter to secondary). I laundered, ironed, mended, ordered acid free tissue paper to wrap clothing in, tied with ribbons blah blah. The boxes were purchased from a company which specialises in keepsake boxes. About 45x30 cm so slightly larger than a big shoebox

husband was so annoyed with how much space these boxes took up and wanted them
gone. He doesn’t see any point to keeping any of this. All he had to say was ‘I would never have bought those [boxes]’.

I feel ridiculously hurt by this. We’ve kept an absolute minimum of baby things over the years, husband took everything straight to oxfam as soon as he could and we only kept a few special items. I just wanted some memories for my children for when they leave home. Something tangible to remember their childhood. Husbands parents never did this for him, maybe that’s why he is so unsentimental.

This morning was spent emptying the boxes and putting a few of the things in a small bin bag which can fit under one of the children’s beds. All the carefully wrapped clothes and christening gowns are just lying around now, soon to be disposed of I assume.

Help me get over this. I don’t know why I am so attached to these things and why I feel so upset, he feels differently about these things and I should be able to accept it but I can’t!!

What? How big were the original boxes? Wouldn't they have fit under a bed or in the loft?

even minimlaists do memory boxes see the minimal Mom ( USA) similar size box for each child you can keep anything you want but it must fit in the box is
perfectly normal

keeping everything your child ever wore and every picture they ever drew not normal

If this is something that you and your DCs all want, then why does he get a veto?

It's one thing for him not to be sentimental about something. Some people just aren't. (I have nothing to remember one set of grandparents by as they just chucked everything away over the years - photos, mementos everything.)

But it's quite another thing for him to tell you that YOU aren't allowed to care about it either.

Box everything up again and tell him to go and do one.

Who made him God? Repack the boxes and stand up for yourself FGS.

He doesn't want to keep it, but you do - its your house and they're your children so you get a say too.

Please don't let your children see that what the man of the house says goes, that's so unhealthy. Go get the stuff out of the bin bag and put it back in the boxes!

YABU by doing what he wants, just keep what you want.

Ignore him. He's an abusive, controlling knob. You're understandably hurt because he's mocked and tried to block something which was kind, thoughtful, harmless and sentimental to you and DC. Horrible man.

Why is he in charge?

You sound very martyrish. I'm going to assume there's more to this than a pass-agg response to an anti-clutter freak dh, and he's going to make your life a misery if he doesn't get his way.

Otherwise, this is a strange response to the storage of a couple (three?) relatively small boxes that by definition will not take up a lot of space since they are not large items.

Repack the boxes. Store them. When he moans, acknowledge his discomfort and then draw a line.

Why on earth are you getting rid of them? Tell him tough and that you're keeping them!

Can’t you keep them in the loft? They do sound big and unwieldy, I know how annoying even shoeboxes are for taking up space. Or the kids have to keep them in their own rooms or something?

I’m a terrible hoarder and I annoy myself with lack of space, so I can see why this would annoy someone having their space taken up by old “junk” in their opinion that’s not serving any purpose

Why is your husband your boss?! Why on earth does he get to choose what you do?!!!

Most marriages are not like that.

I have half our attic stuffed with sentimental baby clothes and toys. Youngest kid is age 11. Husband keeps jopefully saying that it takes a lot of space and we should let it go and I say no, I’m keeping it for our grandchildren.

End of discussion. He requested I get rid of it, I said no.

You’re feing so upset because your husband is a dictatorial bully. We can’t help you with that, you have to learn to stand up to him, or if he is incapable of having an equal marriage, then either leave him or be miserable forever, your call.

Look back and think what he was like when the dc were born. Imo for some reason he doesn't want to remember..

There's one of two things happening to the op right now...

1. She's gone out to do something else and not looked at responses yet.

1. She's reading these responses in shock, having been gas lit for so long, she has lost sight of what normal is.

Is he the Dictator of @Kitkat189 House?

Why are you so passively accepting this?

What? It's a shared house and your kids things. He can't throw them out. Some people like to keep everything and some like to chuck it all, but when you share a house and family you all have to compromise. And two large shoe boxes is hardly a massive compromise, especially if they're in the kids rooms and not shared space. He doesn't just get to make unilateral decisions that affect everyone else. Not without significant detriment to the family relationships anyway

Put everything back in the box immediately and do not ask for permission to keep your children's memories. This is such a sweet thing and memories are all we really have tbh. When you are old you will love looking at them and thinking of when your children were young. Please please please don't get rid of this stuff. Not to mention you have paid for the boxes so might as well do it

If you have 10 kids, limited space and wanted to keep every single memento and piece of clothing (a few years back my MIL gave me a big bag of DH's childhood judo belts that she'd kept for years - like, what the hell am I going to do with those? But I felt obliged to take them and now they'll languish in my loft for another 20 years without being touched!) then I might be able to see the point, but it doesn't sound anywhere near that - those boxes sounds pretty standard in size. How mean of him to give you a hard time over wanting to keep a few bits to look back on. Keep them and cherish the memories when you have the opportunity to revisit them again.

I travelled from country to country my whole life and have nothing like that apart from a bag of documents my dad kept and a few photos. I'm not massively sentimental and generally in the 'travel light' brigade but I have wanted to keep some keys items from my DC's childhood to look back on in years to come. They also enjoy going through it all as well.

What the fuck?!?!?!

Put everything back in the boxes and keep them.

Why are you doing what he says?

I don’t understand why he has such strong feelings over this, a normal person would just think ‘well I don’t feel the need to keep them but they’re obviously sentimental to my wife so what’s the harm’ not ‘they must be disposed of despite my wife’s feelings’ 🙄

another one saying keep the memory boxes.

I do periodically go through the ones I have (maybe once every couple of years or so?) as what I want to keep does change.
It doesn't sound as though you are trying to keep everything so you've not got shelves of the stuff.
He sounds like a bully.

Suggestion
If you are unable to keep physical things

Take photos of each item & make a photo album or book

You can order from Freeprints easily

Who made him boss? I think it's a beautiful idea, please keep them.

Wait, what????

Why did you allow hm to dismantle those boxes? WTAF?