Husband refuses to keep sentimental items for our children

[Kitkat189]

I recently did a big clear out at home and finally got around to creating little memory boxes for my children, with things like their christening gowns, first haircut, hospital id badges, ultrasound pictures, one or two special outfits - you get the idea. One of my daughters joined in and added a few items which are special to her (leavers shirt from school, acceptance letter to secondary). I laundered, ironed, mended, ordered acid free tissue paper to wrap clothing in, tied with ribbons blah blah. The boxes were purchased from a company which specialises in keepsake boxes. About 45x30 cm so slightly larger than a big shoebox

husband was so annoyed with how much space these boxes took up and wanted them
gone. He doesn’t see any point to keeping any of this. All he had to say was ‘I would never have bought those [boxes]’.

I feel ridiculously hurt by this. We’ve kept an absolute minimum of baby things over the years, husband took everything straight to oxfam as soon as he could and we only kept a few special items. I just wanted some memories for my children for when they leave home. Something tangible to remember their childhood. Husbands parents never did this for him, maybe that’s why he is so unsentimental.

This morning was spent emptying the boxes and putting a few of the things in a small bin bag which can fit under one of the children’s beds. All the carefully wrapped clothes and christening gowns are just lying around now, soon to be disposed of I assume.

Help me get over this. I don’t know why I am so attached to these things and why I feel so upset, he feels differently about these things and I should be able to accept it but I can’t!!

Oh my fucking god.

This is my account of reading your post...

First few paragraphs - oh ok sone people don't look clutter, bit of an overreaction to be hurt by someone else not liking clutter...

Then I got to the 'so we spent the morning unpacking them'

You what?!? You did what?

No. No. No. no.

This is the tip of the iceberg of a horrible horrible relationship I'm sure.

No, op. Your husband does not rule over you.

No wonder you were hurt. When I was reading it initially I never thought you'd actually have to throw them out.

That is fucking awful.

Please tell us what else he does op so that we can help you.

Keep the boxes.

Why does his wishes trump those of yours and your children?

Is he as controlling in other aspects of your life?

omg OP, what the hell.

Why the fuck does he get to decide this?

You put those boxes back together RIGHT NOW and tell him to get fucked.

Put everything back in the bloody boxes, put them somewhere safe and tell him you'll divorce him if he ever damages or removes then.

They are not hurting him in any way so he doesn't get to dictate what you do and don't keep in your own house.

What else is he this controling about?

They are not his belongings to bin. Tell him
to fuck off.

Why are you going along with this? Did he chuck away your backbone too?

Absolutely this. When did he become your owner, giving you orders you have to obey? Just tell him No.

He sounds like a selfish bully. I don’t underestimate the power of bullying or other forms of coercion. But OP, you should stand up to it, for DC’s sake as well as your own. Don’t let your daughter grow up believing her wishes are unimportant and she must obey men.

You need some help, OP. Your husband is walking all over you. He's presumably a controlling bastard in other ways. Call WA.

You can always tell when a post has 50 responses in 20 minutes that the op will have written something that others have read and been outraged by.

This morning was spent emptying the boxes and putting a few of the things in a small bin bag which can fit under one of the children’s beds. All the carefully wrapped clothes and christening gowns are just lying around now, soon to be disposed of I assume.

WTF? Are you saying he has taken the stuff out of the boxes and is going to get rid of the clothes, including their christening gowns (or has forced you to do it) even though you and your children want to keep them?

Sorry, but why the fuck does he get to choose whether you keep things or not? He's not sentimental about objects - that's fine, HE doesn't have to be. But that doesn't mean YOU aren't allowed to be sentimental about them. It's not up to him to just decide he's going to throw things away when they clearly mean a lot to you and your children. My mum kept a few little things for all of us from when we were babies, and I'm glad she did.

He sounds like a horrible fucking bully, OP. Are you scared of him? You really sound like you are, and that's very worrying.

I don't know if this makes things better or worse, but we recently cleared out my mother's house in advance of her moving into sheltered accommodation and it took WEEKS: it was incredibly stressful and time-consuming.

I'm in my 40s, I'm here, I'm fine: I don't need first teeth or ID bands or whatever.

If it doesn't fit in an A4 envelope, it goes.

Why on earth are you doing what he says? There is no way on earth I would get rid of these important sentimental items? I would tell him to mind his own business and if he touched them I'd be furious! I have a box of little bits for my girls including my christening gown, first shoes and a few other bits. Its important that they have something to link them to their childhood.

Are you just going to stand back and watch this happen ! Stick up for your hildren.

Just no! Put it all back in the lovely boxes and tell him he doesn't have a say in this. You don't have to do everything he says

Is he usually this controlling?! How dare he! Just because he doesn't care doesn't mean it's his way or the highway. I'm mad on your behalf. I've got a couple of boxes tucked at the top of a wardrobe and add pics and things now and again. I like looking through them as do my girls.

Op all I can say is you need one fucking massive box...

I’d just put my foot down - hard!
Why does he get to decide such things?

Can you explain, did he unpack everything?

If so (or indeed even if you felt pressured to do it yourself!) you need to say

What the fuck are you doing? These things are NOT YOURS! Put everything back right now and then leave them alone, and stop interfering.

Then you make sure everything is put back beautifully again and put it safely away.

Who the fuck does he think he is?!

You won't get over it, he doesn't respect you. My ex husband did this, decided to throw everything out that I'd brought into the relationship (even items of better quality) - including my DC's baby pictures and the hard drive the back ups were on. Looking back he never respected me he just wanted someone to pay the bills.

Sorry.

FFS just tell him you're keeping them and tough if he doesn't like it.

Is he your boss?

I hear boxes need storing approximately 6 feet under ground.

There's nothing wrong with you or your viewpoint or your feelings.

This is your Important Stuff.
The stuff of life.
The stuff of family.

You own 50% of that house.
50% is yours to put your stuff where you bloody well want.

I'd say he's tough to live with so you get a medal for that.

No! Don’t throw things away.

why should his opinion matter more than yours? He can disagree, but that doesn’t mean you have to do everything his way!

He could move out, then there will be plenty of room for the boxes 🙂

Seriously though, put the stuff back and tell him you're keeping them.