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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm going to hell aren't I? What the fuck

767 replies

BlackFriYay · 15/11/2023 16:54

9 ish months ago I was seeing somebody I really liked but was being messed around terribly by. I'm talking ghosting after sex repeatedly, blatantly using me for sex but claiming otherwise.. I suspected he had a girlfriend towards the end but didn't have any proof as he "doesn't do social media". (Lies). Champions league wanker behaviour basically.

I thought I was in love with him at the time and it took me months to get over once I finally decided to cut my losses and move on.

I did some work on my self esteem and when he came crawling back months later (a few weeks ago) and text me asking to see me realised I wasn't into him at all so I cheerily replied no thank you, I'm not interested. Yay for me. He said he was gutted bla bla bla. I didn't reply. Forgot all about him.

The other day it was my DD's birthday and I changed my Instagram picture to one of her when she was born. Unbeknownst to me he has been looking at my social media (which I don't have him as a friend on) and he's sent me an inbox this afternoon saying he has seen that picture and is having a meltdown because he thinks I've had a baby recently and wants to know if it's his!

Now obviously I'm not going to let the silly git think he has an actual child but AIBU to blank his message for a few days and let him see how he likes it 😂

OP posts:
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7
Feraldogmum · 15/11/2023 17:37

I’d reply “ no, you’re not breeding material, I’m particular about which part of the food chain I share dna with.” Then block.

millymog11 · 15/11/2023 17:38

I've not read the whole thread but I have read a few of the OP messages.
The fact he was stalking you on social media even when you went no contact, and the fact he jumped to an assumption that the child might be his (even tho you did not give him any reason to think it might be) suggests some other woman has either given him or given another man in his life (male relative or friend) some kind of emotional saga around the paternity of a baby. Its not the kind of thing you go around looking for evidence on. Presumably you used protection when you had sex with him? If you didn't then in some ways I think it is a fair enough question from him (although I do wonder why the two of you didnt use protection).

All of that aside, I think you are justified in not replying to him. He needs to get used to the idea that if his communication skills are so poor in the first place (ghosting you etc) he cannot come back on the scene looking for reassurance. He should also know that men of his calibre are usually running away from the mothers of their children and disclaiming all knowledge not stalking their previous conquests and deciding they might be a super fertile guy from afar.....

Giggorata · 15/11/2023 17:38

I loved these suggestions and I have a much more evil one that I won't post, as it would undoubtedly be deleted or worse…
… but I would actually reply no after a few days of letting him sweat, as his message was quite polite and it's probably the right thing to do.
Then I'd block him from everything.

Whiteday · 15/11/2023 17:39

Brilliantly genius!!

Cheepcheepcheep · 15/11/2023 17:40

Giggorata · 15/11/2023 17:38

I loved these suggestions and I have a much more evil one that I won't post, as it would undoubtedly be deleted or worse…
… but I would actually reply no after a few days of letting him sweat, as his message was quite polite and it's probably the right thing to do.
Then I'd block him from everything.

Oh @Giggorata can you at least hint? Planning (and not actually executing) evil plans is a benign hobby of mine…

FloofCloud · 15/11/2023 17:41

Ooooo revenge is a dish best serve cold indeed - about 9 months cold!!
I'm in the make him sweat pot too - twatty man has probably lost his previous FB and is sniffing around you - shame he wasn't more human a few months ago!!

RosesOnGuitars · 15/11/2023 17:41

I am usually a very straightforward sort of person, no games and don’t bother with social media much. But I think I’d have some fun with this as he treated you like shit!

Birdcar · 15/11/2023 17:41

I'd just reply with 'definitely not yours'.

It's answers the question but gives him no idea when you had the baby so you could have been seeing someone else while seeing him.

nadine90 · 15/11/2023 17:43

Yeah I think it could be this. Just completely blank him, don't even give him the satisfaction of opening the message!

Cheepcheepcheep · 15/11/2023 17:44

Also OP seeing as DD is old enough to be eating stir fry, congrats on still looking as young as you did X years ago - I wish I still looked as good as I did when mine were born!

Newsenmum · 15/11/2023 17:44

just say “meet xxxx” (ideally it’s the feminised version of his name)

nadine90 · 15/11/2023 17:44

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 15/11/2023 17:36

Alternative suggestion -
His modus operandi is to keep picking up and then dropping and ghosting.

Tell me a mum who hasn't posted cute pictures of their adored when they were babes to mark the passage of time.
So if he were that obsessed about it, he would have remembered that you have two children and thought of this as a possible option rather than just jumping straight to "OMG is that my baby?"

I reckon, in fact I bet you £10,
this is just another ploy designed to draw you back into communication with him, so he can pick you up and drop you again. He's smarting from the fact that you dumped him and this is to prove to himself that he still has the power to do it. The fact that he was stalking your social media also points to this.

Don't reply and just Block.
It will eat him up.

sorry, meant to quote this x

Gillypie23 · 15/11/2023 17:47

Just don't reply. He's thick as well as unfaithful!

Scirocco · 15/11/2023 17:47

BlackFriYay · 15/11/2023 16:58

So the Instagram message pops up as a notification (see attached 😂) and he won't know I've read it unless I open it in the app, which I haven't.

As his question starts "Am I stupid...?", you would be accurate to reply "Yes."

Mangledrake · 15/11/2023 17:48

Sparklfairy · 15/11/2023 17:36

AS IF. he's not 'doing the responsible thing' - he's using this 'baby' as an excuse to get in touch after she knocked him back a few weeks ago!

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Not impossible. Not certain either. So I would just reply, clarify, and get on with blocking him.

Ramping up the drama isn't a great way to get rid of people.

cantseethetrees · 15/11/2023 17:48

Don't open the message, don' reply, ghost him the way he ghosted you xx

Imjustbrowsing · 15/11/2023 17:48

Brilliant😂

Just reply “ I need an address for the CMS “ that will probably stop him contacting you the quickest.

cerisepanther73 · 15/11/2023 17:48

Let him sweat Op for a while at least , he deserves it,

Show no mercy, L.o.l 😁

MsRosley · 15/11/2023 17:48

If he'd been an adult about his own fertility and worn a fucking condom, he wouldn't have to send idiotic messages like this.

Block him completely and leave the fool to stew.

DontListenToWhatYouveConsumed · 15/11/2023 17:53

I would reply (after a suitable amount of time)
'I don't know how to tell you this' .....
Then never message again.

Rec0veringAcademic · 15/11/2023 17:53

I don't get it, did he not know you had kids when he was seeing / ghosting you? Must be thick as well as a liar, then.

Cookingdoesntgettougher · 15/11/2023 17:53

Mangledrake · 15/11/2023 17:20

I feel differently about this. He's doing the responsible thing, asking. The message is polite. It's not an off-the-wall response nine months after your relationship.

Just tell him the truth and then block away if you want to. But I wouldn't mess around with this sort of question. You'd want a man to take responsibility for his child. And it's pretty cruel to play with this if he's childless and wants kids.

Understand completely about feeling messed about after a relationship like that, but in my experience you get people out of your head faster if you don't play games or think about revenge. Just no, old photo, move on. Don't give him headspace.

I'm sure he's already had enough of a shock anyway!

It may seem boring but I agree with this. I’m sure he’ll have other relationships and next time he might be right.

MsRosley · 15/11/2023 17:55

Cookingdoesntgettougher · 15/11/2023 17:53

It may seem boring but I agree with this. I’m sure he’ll have other relationships and next time he might be right.

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The responsible thing would have been to make sure he couldn't get a woman pregnant in the first place.

Nanaof1 · 15/11/2023 17:56

BlackFriYay · 15/11/2023 17:02

I can't stop laughing, my DC are looking at me like I've lost the plot 😅

A PP and others have already shared my idea, so I will just back them up!

After a few days, if you do decide to reply, be sure to ask, "Who is this?" and so, when he answers, tell him, "I thought you didn't have social media?" Then, block and ignore.

I guess I'll join y'all in Hades. At least we'll be a snarky, sarcastic and fun group. 😉😇😈

HighWycombedweller · 15/11/2023 17:56

I was going to say the same as Rec0vering and Cooking. Be an adult and just tell him without playing games.