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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm going to hell aren't I? What the fuck

767 replies

BlackFriYay · 15/11/2023 16:54

9 ish months ago I was seeing somebody I really liked but was being messed around terribly by. I'm talking ghosting after sex repeatedly, blatantly using me for sex but claiming otherwise.. I suspected he had a girlfriend towards the end but didn't have any proof as he "doesn't do social media". (Lies). Champions league wanker behaviour basically.

I thought I was in love with him at the time and it took me months to get over once I finally decided to cut my losses and move on.

I did some work on my self esteem and when he came crawling back months later (a few weeks ago) and text me asking to see me realised I wasn't into him at all so I cheerily replied no thank you, I'm not interested. Yay for me. He said he was gutted bla bla bla. I didn't reply. Forgot all about him.

The other day it was my DD's birthday and I changed my Instagram picture to one of her when she was born. Unbeknownst to me he has been looking at my social media (which I don't have him as a friend on) and he's sent me an inbox this afternoon saying he has seen that picture and is having a meltdown because he thinks I've had a baby recently and wants to know if it's his!

Now obviously I'm not going to let the silly git think he has an actual child but AIBU to blank his message for a few days and let him see how he likes it 😂

OP posts:
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7
MummySS22 · 16/11/2023 20:26

Absolutely do not reply to his message 🤣
I’m with @backtowinter do iiittttt

Catleveltired · 16/11/2023 20:26

OP, this is all brilliant. Well played.

Original poster
BlackFriYay · 16/11/2023 20:28

Hoppysue · 16/11/2023 20:17

More to the point… why are you putting photos of your child on social media???

What exactly has that got to do with you?

OP posts:
PetuniaT · 16/11/2023 20:28

...and who's the twat?

Night409 · 16/11/2023 20:29

SurprisedWithAHorse · 16/11/2023 20:13

It's very clear that there's no chance you've ever been pregnant at all. Three year gestation isn't the only biologically impossible thing...

Edited
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How childish.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 16/11/2023 20:30

SerafinasGoose · 16/11/2023 12:02

He is screwing with her head. IMO, it would take a deliberately wilful form of obtuseness not to recognize something that to most people would be as plain as the nose on your face. But to try to convince other women that the reverse is the case, well that is quite something else.

The fact that on this occasion the joke's very much on him is incidental. Women do not always have to accommodate men and their BS. They don't have to reward contemptuous, head-fucking behaviour with 'decency', being kind, or doing the 'right' thing. The OP owes this dingus precisely nothing. Nada. Squat.

That's not to say it's a wise idea to rub his nose in it, or torment him, or make PA comments about the child support agencies. Simply do not engage. Nothing pisses off this type of manipulative arsehole more than silence. He's owed nothing more, and his overactive imagination and/or heroic attemps at head games are his baggage to carry. OP had no agency in this particular predicament. She has not contributed to it, and is well within her rights to continue in this vein until he takes the hint and buggers off. And my prediction is that this will be a quick process and he won't be particularly persistent. If OP proves too tough a nut to crack, he'll work his 'charms' on a nearer, easier target.

OP's principal objective is that he gets to fuck. Silence is the quickest and most effective way of ensuring he does just that. Silence is uncompromising. You can't argue, manipulate or negotiate with silence. As to the 'be the better person' mode of response, that's always the stance expected of women, whereas the bar for men is set very much lower. We don't have to buy into it, so don't let those who constantly put pressure on women to be the 'gentle sex' persuade you otherwise.

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OP's principal objective is that he gets to fuck.

I think you'll find that "getting to fuck" is OP's ex's principal objective. Which is why she should ignore the message.

Despite all the joking about asking for his address for the CMS and the schadenfreude of him getting his comeuppance, there is a real risk that he is lying about thinking the baby is his and is using this as an excuse to try to bypass her boundaries here. Or worse, he is sincere in thinking he might now be a father and will respond to "no it's my existing DC from years back" with "phew! fancy a shag to celebrate?" After all, he has past form on treating the OP this.

He lost his right to be presumed to have honourable intentions when he used the term "session" to describe sex with OP. The OP's boundaries take priority over his largely self-inflicted worries.

Totaly · 16/11/2023 20:30

Well done OP - you have is all a laugh - so some good came out of this ridiculous situation.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 16/11/2023 20:32

Night409 · 16/11/2023 20:29

How childish.

Show quote history

You're not even trying now. Make up another ridiculous morality tale about a man who thinks gestation takes three years.

Greyarea12 · 16/11/2023 20:33

Ok well.. I stand by my last posts since your recent updates.

There's something really wrong with you & the women on this thread.

You think that because he ghosted you, 'used you for sex' that it is OK to do what you have done.

You ain't invisible. I see right through you. The story goes.. women seeking revenge. Its not a coincidence that 9 months after the 3 month fling ended you just so happen to post a picture of your teenager as a baby, as your profile pic, the only pic he would be able to see.

The plan - to seek revenge on him by having him believe you had had his baby. Of course though, you had to seek approval from mumsnet and that you did get.

Of course though, you needed to ensure you didn't come off bad so you listed all the wrongs he has done to you and had to put in the post that you weren't going to lead him to beleive you had had his baby. But of course, that is exactly what you did. Only you went further by then telling him his name wasn't on the BC.

Having a baby is the biggest life changing event any person will ever go through. To lead someone on like that for revenge is vile, disgusting and infact makes you abusive.

He doged a bullet with you like. You should be ashamed.

If their is one post the daily mail picks up on, I hope it is this one. To shine a light on the lengths that women will go to to punish and seek revenge on any man who dares to do them wrong.

What you have done is worse and makes you abusive. No matter how many of your buddies on this post want to quote this post and 'defend' you, it doesn't change it.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 16/11/2023 20:35

Greyarea12 · 16/11/2023 20:33

Ok well.. I stand by my last posts since your recent updates.

There's something really wrong with you & the women on this thread.

You think that because he ghosted you, 'used you for sex' that it is OK to do what you have done.

You ain't invisible. I see right through you. The story goes.. women seeking revenge. Its not a coincidence that 9 months after the 3 month fling ended you just so happen to post a picture of your teenager as a baby, as your profile pic, the only pic he would be able to see.

The plan - to seek revenge on him by having him believe you had had his baby. Of course though, you had to seek approval from mumsnet and that you did get.

Of course though, you needed to ensure you didn't come off bad so you listed all the wrongs he has done to you and had to put in the post that you weren't going to lead him to beleive you had had his baby. But of course, that is exactly what you did. Only you went further by then telling him his name wasn't on the BC.

Having a baby is the biggest life changing event any person will ever go through. To lead someone on like that for revenge is vile, disgusting and infact makes you abusive.

He doged a bullet with you like. You should be ashamed.

If their is one post the daily mail picks up on, I hope it is this one. To shine a light on the lengths that women will go to to punish and seek revenge on any man who dares to do them wrong.

What you have done is worse and makes you abusive. No matter how many of your buddies on this post want to quote this post and 'defend' you, it doesn't change it.

You ain't invisible. I see right through you.

Which do we mock first? The pompous self-appointment as the moral arbiter who "sees", or the ridiculous attempt at talking well 'ard with the "ain't"?

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 16/11/2023 20:35

Night409 · 16/11/2023 11:08

Are you suggesting he should knock on her door?

How else is he meant to contact her if she’s blocked his number?

If you have sex with someone and 9 months later a baby is potentially born, then I’d hope you’d be man enough to check it’s not yours.

OP can either tell him no then block and delete - have nothing more to do with him.
Or not say anything/play games and be in contact with him for much longer than needed.

If a man treated me like he treated OP there is no way I’d be playing games with him or prolonging contact.

Obviously me and some of the other women on here have very different views than some other posters.
I guess some people enjoy drama and others don’t.

Show quote history

How else is he meant to contact her if she’s blocked his number?

He doesn't. CMS contact him.

Women have the right to set boundaries with exes, for any reason at all. End of.

Night409 · 16/11/2023 20:37

SurprisedWithAHorse · 16/11/2023 20:32

You're not even trying now. Make up another ridiculous morality tale about a man who thinks gestation takes three years.

Show quote history

You honestly need to grow up.

You have no morals and now you’re just being childish.

I gave my opinion to OP like everyone else did.

I don’t know why you keep tagging me in posts when you have nothing relevant to say.

MyCircumference · 16/11/2023 20:38

he sounds like one of those awful men who say i have no children, that i know of

Greyarea12 · 16/11/2023 20:39

@SurprisedWithAHorse we - what are you? Leader of the pack?

SurprisedWithAHorse · 16/11/2023 20:39

I'd forgotten how pompous and endlessly rambling men get when they're really angry about not being able to control women regarding pregnancy. How self-aggrandising and ridiculous they get when they try to assert themselves as our moral tutors over it.

It's fucking hilarious. They're like my dad.

Original poster
BlackFriYay · 16/11/2023 20:40

Ellanur · 16/11/2023 20:23

My 9 year old son shows signs of autism, to cut long story short he has always been a little different, but recently has been biting his hand, i was shocked to see the severity today, was too busy with pre teen who sucks up all my energy. His school pushed for a diagnosis during covid, but it was only an online consultation with a professor who didn't diagnose him based on the fact that he has a lot of concentration when drawing. He just recormended a course for hand skills like cutting, which he didn't get, my dh was over the moon as he was against a diagnosis as he believes it will make him worse, my nephew played up really bad after he was diagnosed and dropped out of secondary school. My son is quite emotional if anyone ever suggests to see a specialist he even says "The professor says i am fine" His school work is a little under average although dh does a lot of work with him, does a lot of puzzles. I was about to get tuition for him, but i have a bigger problem, if he can't concentrate then he is not going to learn. Please what do you suggest shall i push for a diagnosis or carry on, my son is very emotional about it, also if he becomes worse dh will blame me. I know i sound stupid , but sometimes i feel 😣 helpless.

Hi lovely

You have posted this on the wrong section. I would hate for your post to go unanswered so you would be better off creating your own thread which will appear higher up on the board.

You have my complete sympathy. I have an autistic son and can relate to some of what you've written. Fortunately for him (and me) he was diagnosed just shy of his third birthday, but that's because his presentation was then labelled "severely autistic". Children who are "high functioning" often slip through the cracks 😔

I would one million percent pursue a diagnosis and see a formal diagnosis as an overwhelmingly positive thing. My XH's son, my then-DSS, wasn't diagnosed until almost 10. It made me so sad that he went through life and school struggling without support for so long. His DM was told about developmental concerns as far back as when he was in nursery but she buried her head in the sand as she couldn't accept it.

I wish you the best of luck x

OP posts:
Ellanur · 16/11/2023 20:42

Thanks, just realised made a mistake, but you got to read it and you understand, do that was lucky. Thanks a lot.

MayThe4th · 16/11/2023 20:43

He doged a bullet with you like. You should be ashamed. it’s hilarious when people deliver a self righteous lecture bordering on a personal attack and then it turns out they can neither spell and right like wannabe gangstas. 😂. What is the definition of “doged”?

Julimia · 16/11/2023 20:46

You need to blank him and block.him permanent. Full stop.

Original poster
BlackFriYay · 16/11/2023 20:47

Greyarea12 · 16/11/2023 20:33

Ok well.. I stand by my last posts since your recent updates.

There's something really wrong with you & the women on this thread.

You think that because he ghosted you, 'used you for sex' that it is OK to do what you have done.

You ain't invisible. I see right through you. The story goes.. women seeking revenge. Its not a coincidence that 9 months after the 3 month fling ended you just so happen to post a picture of your teenager as a baby, as your profile pic, the only pic he would be able to see.

The plan - to seek revenge on him by having him believe you had had his baby. Of course though, you had to seek approval from mumsnet and that you did get.

Of course though, you needed to ensure you didn't come off bad so you listed all the wrongs he has done to you and had to put in the post that you weren't going to lead him to beleive you had had his baby. But of course, that is exactly what you did. Only you went further by then telling him his name wasn't on the BC.

Having a baby is the biggest life changing event any person will ever go through. To lead someone on like that for revenge is vile, disgusting and infact makes you abusive.

He doged a bullet with you like. You should be ashamed.

If their is one post the daily mail picks up on, I hope it is this one. To shine a light on the lengths that women will go to to punish and seek revenge on any man who dares to do them wrong.

What you have done is worse and makes you abusive. No matter how many of your buddies on this post want to quote this post and 'defend' you, it doesn't change it.

Did you really just think up the idea that I sat waiting for 9 months to tick by to upload a picture of my (she's 5 actually) daughter as a baby, and you say there's something wrong with ME?!

Yes, that's a much more likely scenario than me reminiscing about her birth, on her birthday.

Who even thinks like that.

Unhinged mate. Unhinged.

OP posts:
SurprisedWithAHorse · 16/11/2023 20:48

MayThe4th · 16/11/2023 20:43

He doged a bullet with you like. You should be ashamed. it’s hilarious when people deliver a self righteous lecture bordering on a personal attack and then it turns out they can neither spell and right like wannabe gangstas. 😂. What is the definition of “doged”?

It's when you panic, make up a morality tale to correct the silly women and present yourself as the moral paragon, and fuck it up by forgetting that humans don't gestate for three years.

"Look, I'm a bit out of sorts at the moment. I'm having a woman's period."

MargotBamborough · 16/11/2023 20:48

Greyarea12 · 16/11/2023 20:33

Ok well.. I stand by my last posts since your recent updates.

There's something really wrong with you & the women on this thread.

You think that because he ghosted you, 'used you for sex' that it is OK to do what you have done.

You ain't invisible. I see right through you. The story goes.. women seeking revenge. Its not a coincidence that 9 months after the 3 month fling ended you just so happen to post a picture of your teenager as a baby, as your profile pic, the only pic he would be able to see.

The plan - to seek revenge on him by having him believe you had had his baby. Of course though, you had to seek approval from mumsnet and that you did get.

Of course though, you needed to ensure you didn't come off bad so you listed all the wrongs he has done to you and had to put in the post that you weren't going to lead him to beleive you had had his baby. But of course, that is exactly what you did. Only you went further by then telling him his name wasn't on the BC.

Having a baby is the biggest life changing event any person will ever go through. To lead someone on like that for revenge is vile, disgusting and infact makes you abusive.

He doged a bullet with you like. You should be ashamed.

If their is one post the daily mail picks up on, I hope it is this one. To shine a light on the lengths that women will go to to punish and seek revenge on any man who dares to do them wrong.

What you have done is worse and makes you abusive. No matter how many of your buddies on this post want to quote this post and 'defend' you, it doesn't change it.

Is it national incel day again? So soon?

CaramacFiend · 16/11/2023 20:49

🤣

SurprisedWithAHorse · 16/11/2023 20:49

I know I thanked you the other night, OP, but please let me thank you again. I usually have to pay or leave the house for comedy like this. Look at them go!

Original poster
BlackFriYay · 16/11/2023 20:49

Greyarea12 · 16/11/2023 20:39

@SurprisedWithAHorse we - what are you? Leader of the pack?

She is a QUEEN and we are living for it 👏👏

OP posts:
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