DS keeps being moved at school

[Cupsoftea2]

Ds has recently gone into year 2 and has had a brand new teacher. He previously had the same teacher from nursery to year 1 and he was doing so well in school. He was getting star pupil every week loved his teacher and he was progressing so well.

New teacher keeps moving him pretty much everyday and the reasons he is giving us seem petty unless he is lying but I have no reason not to believe him. She hasn’t contacted us to tell us he’s been messing around or everything and we see her everyday.

We paid £100 for him to go on a school trip and when we picked him up he looked so sad my heart broke for him. He eventually told us that she told him he was being rude for kicking a paper towel and made him sit at the front of the coach away from his friends.

He went into school this morning and she said hi “DS” and he just walked past her. We also seen her on bonfire night and he didn’t even want to say hi then either. I have never seen him like this before ever.

Something in my gut isn’t sitting right! Surely if he was misbehaving so badly we would have some kind of contact? He is a good kid never had any issues with him ever.

I am a very laissez faire parent but would
definitely have stresssed the importance of manners and made my child go back and greet them (unless the teacher was actually a bullying monster in which case I'd be in the Jed's office asking for the child to love classes, or actually move school). Then I'd also ask for a meeting with the teacher to find out what is going on.

Not if the teacher has been really unkind to him…

I’d contact school and ask for a meeting and ask what the issue is. Sometimes calling the teacher out on their behaviour is enough. My child is older but this has happened to her this year, she became very disengaged at school.

Sorry OP. I lost this one at £100 for a school trip in Y2.

try harder.

You need to talk to his teacher.
Seat moves may have nothing to do with him at all, moving a disruptive child often involves shuffling several other children to make space, and seems to happen every week or two at me sons school, presumably so that the 'good influence' children get frequent breaks.
My son has also came home at around that age saying his teacher doesn't like him, tells him off all the time etc. we spoke to her and she had NO idea what he was talking about, he's just extremely sensitive to mood and tone and easily devastated by any sort of mild correction. Having spoken to her she was able to reassure him that he is a good kid, and we could work on his coping mechanisms.

Then the lack of star of the weeks in year 2 is nothing to do with his behaviour, it’s because his maths and reading isn’t quite as star-deserving.

May be star of the week as a frequent/multi-child thing was was the previous teacher's initiative and this teacher doesn't do it or only does one star a week.

It is a thing sometimes teachers taking against a particular child - I was that child for one particular teacher and it was confusing. My parents twigged. One time they gave me a reward of a new musical instrument for a 'good parents' evening' with this teacher. Discovered 30 years later looking through old papers that the report and so presumably the corresponding parents evening was horrible. My parents were teachers themselves and wouldn't lightly dismiss a teacher's opinion.

My child has been moved about 3 times since September - they all have. I think the new teacher is finding his feet and realising who needs to sit where. He’s not at all naughty, but he’s got one friend he loves chatting with, they need to be split up. Being moved isn’t a problem.

Did you not have parents evening in October?

I think in all honesty… it sounds like you that is the problem with your “can’t do no wrong” attitude. Believe it or not.. sometimes our little angels do things that aren’t acceptable at school. As someone that works in a school- these “minor” instances of behaviour are incredibly disruptive and if your son is pratting around then the teacher is doing the right thing by consistently moving him. At that age, boys can start to become quite boisterous and start acting out in front of their mates. Have you considered that maybe the friendship dynamics have changed which is why his behaviour is the way it is? It’s very easy to blame the teacher instantly but have you actually looked within? I’d be absolutely mortified if my child ignored an adult that took the time to say hello to my child outside of school. If she hated your son so much, she’d probably avoid him like the plague and not even attempt to greet you at bonfire night. I think you’re acting like your little angel can do no wrong.

This, absolutely.

Low level disruption is very disrupting to the whole class.
He was given a warning and chose to ignore it. It’s not fair on the other children or the teacher.

As a teacher, I feel it is also possible he is not being moved specifically... and that actually the teacher keeps changing the seating plan to settle the whole class, but it is possible it is small behaviours are triggering the move (or need to support etc.) Just talk to her about your concerns and how he feels, and explain to him he needs to respect her and be polite too and ensure he understands why we need to listen in class (saying hello is also very important.) Or ask another member of staff to do a restorative conversation between them. Adults model behaviours and values to children, don't underestimate the poor impact of parents attitudes (small things like ignoring, making remarks about teachers etc) being reflected in the classroom and how it manifests in secondary - TRUST me on that. Everyone has a responsibility to teach kindness by modelling it and to manage conflict well. Vital in the world we live in.

you might not owe anyone conversation (true) but a good morning is polite

even to the most annoying colleagues I saw good morning even if I then shut down and grey rock any attempts at personal conversation

Jesus wept.

Thats a cracking story you’ve written there.

No wonder people don’t want to teach.

All the year 2 classes I’ve ever known don’t have assigned seats anyway. They sit on the carpet for the introduction, then half go off to do enhanced provision while the teacher and TA take small groups to do the work. There’s not even enough chairs or tables in the class for each child to have their own seat as they never all work at the same time.

Yeah we do. Op posted about this exact situation a couple of weeks ago where she admitted that she knew her child’s behaviour wasn’t great. All of a sudden, now he’s an angel…

I would speak to the school. The massive change in demeanor is a big red flag. It happened with my DD (although the issue was other kids, not the teacher). It's awful when they feel anxious about school. I hated making her go when she wasn't happy there.

It sounds like she might just be a normal teacher, but after a couple of years of having an extra positive relationship with his old teacher, the change is tough on him. My DD was devastated at the end of Y2 because she had such a lovely bond with her teacher. The first few weeks of Y3 were a bit of a struggle because she didn't immediately have the same bond with her new teacher and therefore felt a bit apprehensive.

Ignore everyone telling you that you should have made him respond to the teacher. Parenting is knowing which battles to pick, and that one instance just doesn't matter in the long run.

Teachers want to work with parents and usually they will be delighted with a parent who engages.

Ask for a meeting-
Explain how withdrawn your son is, ask her about his behaviours and the expectations of behaviours in the lessons. Do they match?
What can be done to align them? What measures for communication can be taken going forward. Do you need something like a home link book where you both make short comments on how his day went the positives and the things to work on?

Ultimately schools are places for learning and the children learn best when they feel safe and contented. You need to support your son in working out a way to meet the behaviour expectations of the classroom and being respectful of his learning and her teaching. The teacher must support you in this so it’s all consistent.

Low level minor annoyances really disrupt the flow of lessons. Bear that in mind with your son.

Kindly, this defensive/minimising attitude won’t serve him or you well going forward.

I feel like this post is the reason there are so many disrespectful kids these days and shows what we should expect for the future generation. Excuses for shitty behaviour! Honestly why are so many parents in denial?! Seems like the teacher probably couldn’t be honest with OP about this kids behaviours because the OP wouldn’t accept it. Is it not possible that this is actually your child’s fault, not the teachers?! You are doing him no favours by the sounds of it.

What are you implying? That she's making up how much the trip cost? Why on earth would she do that?

My youngest is 17, and I remember paying about £130 for his Y3 trip. His Y7 (residential) trip was almost £1k.

You won't know anything more unless you raise it with the teacher/school, ideally starting from a neutral stance where you lay out the information and the issues as you understand it so far, and then listen to what their take is on the situation, or what other information they have. Then put them together, see where you are and work out how the situation can get to the point where both DS and teachers can get on a more positive footing.

But do try and start off with a neutral stance so the tone is not confrontational from the start, which doesn't often follow to good, open collaborative conversation and action. The end result it's about helping your DS be happy and productive in class rather than airing grievances. I would ask your DS meanwhile why he didn't say hello and explore his feelings in that moment rather than focussing on the action of saying hello to an adult etc and whether you should force it or not in future. That doesn't get to the heart of the matter, it just papers over the crack.

I’m a teacher and a psychotherapist. I still teach primary part time. I’ve found children do tend to live up to what you say or expect of them. There is also research about this where teachers were given at random pre-judgements about children. The children where the teacher was told ‘bad’ things about them all behaved worse than the same children with a different teacher who had been told “good” things about them.

This is why as parents you will often see children have a whole year of children struggling and then miraculously a new teacher or school and the child is suddenly doing really well (or vice versa).

It’s very often totally subconscious by the teacher and is why we should all be encourage to self reflect. I remember having a little girl in my class who seemed to constantly in bother. On reflecting I realised she look physically very similar to a child who bullied me when I was little. I had not made the connection but I was unconsciously hostile to her. When I realised (and was horrified) I made an effort to notice her, catch her being kind or helpful. Within a week she was transformed. It was entirely my projection that she was responding to, when we feel disliked we respond accordingly.

Guard your child’s self image. Move school if needed. But a good teacher, if you tell her little James thinks you don’t like him, will reflect on that and try to build the relationship.

I think most of you are spectacularly missing the point of this thread - I hope you sort things out for your poor DS

OP you're getting a bit of a bashing on here when all you really want is the best for your ds?

The key thing is that kids that age don't always tell the whole truth? He might perceive being moved/told off as the end of the world but really it isn't. The teacher is just trying to keep everything on track.

If he's no quite himself then out of school activities/sports/playdates can help improve his mood - and he does gently need to be reminded to the school rules and encouraged to follow them.

Am sure it will all even out in the longer term.

I commend you for trying to get to the bottom of this. When I was 7 i had this awful teacher who disliked me intensely. She never said it, but it was implied in her attitude, I would get flack and my toy taken away when 6 others in same situation right beside me didn´t. So much so, that one of the kids actually GAVE me her toy because she thought it was unfair. I was one of those quiet kids, no disruption or being difficult or answering back or being an ass. Years later I saw her at the bus stop, I was 15 by then, she greeted my mother and looked me up and down and our eyes locked and we knew. When we took our bus, my mum turned to me and said, "I never liked her either. She used to give me the creeps". I never had a problem with a teacher before, nor after right up to finishing uni. SHE was the problem. She was hostile to me, why? God knows. And I picked up on it. Children know.
Speak to her, see what she says.

*Luxell934 · Yesterday 15:53

What an awful teacher wanting your son to actually learn and reach his full potential rather than have a nice chat with his friends! This cold woman needs to be sacked immediately*

But he isn’t learning

Moving around causes disruption and why isn’t anyone else being moved around. Why is it always him.

Not all teachers are benevolent and want to teach every pupil in their class
I found out when ds was in year 1 he was spending most of the day outside the classroom. I didn’t know a thing about it until ds refused to get out of the car one day and a classmate who was passing the car said it was because the teacher sent him out of the class and refused to have him in the classroom because ds
was coughing
I had explained to teacher and TA when he started back at school on the Monday that he would have a cough for 6 weeks but wasn’t infectious
The TA had looked a little embarrassed when the teacher walked off whilst I was mid sentence.

I went to see the HT and asked if ds should just not bother coming back to school for 6 weeks as it was pointless sending him to school to learn anything if he was going to be just sitting on his own all day.

Apparently found out from a friend who worked in the school that my complaint was the final straw and they had a substitute teacher brought in a few hours later

Talking to a friend whose dd had similar issues with this teacher the year before and a few others mums on hearing what had happened that day joined the conversation about how this teacher would pick on random children and make their life a misery
We noticed our children had one distinct thing in common. Our children had the same very distinct hair coloured.