DS keeps being moved at school

[Cupsoftea2]

Ds has recently gone into year 2 and has had a brand new teacher. He previously had the same teacher from nursery to year 1 and he was doing so well in school. He was getting star pupil every week loved his teacher and he was progressing so well.

New teacher keeps moving him pretty much everyday and the reasons he is giving us seem petty unless he is lying but I have no reason not to believe him. She hasn’t contacted us to tell us he’s been messing around or everything and we see her everyday.

We paid £100 for him to go on a school trip and when we picked him up he looked so sad my heart broke for him. He eventually told us that she told him he was being rude for kicking a paper towel and made him sit at the front of the coach away from his friends.

He went into school this morning and she said hi “DS” and he just walked past her. We also seen her on bonfire night and he didn’t even want to say hi then either. I have never seen him like this before ever.

Something in my gut isn’t sitting right! Surely if he was misbehaving so badly we would have some kind of contact? He is a good kid never had any issues with him ever.

He was getting star pupil every week

This is a red flag to me. Every week? Really? If so, this is odd. Did the teacher try and do this as a motivator for positive behaviour? Or has he got so used to being singled out that he can't deal with being one of a crowd, maybe not always being the 'star'? Something is odd here anyway.

Oh god everyone on this bread is batshit crazy and it seems they like using children from their power trip. Humiliating him into saying hello to someone when they don't want to isn't going to help anyone.Especially if this teacher is singling him out. He needs to be able to trust his own instinct and the type of pare ting others have mentioned leaves no room for that. The person saying he's going to walk past his boss and do that when he's 30 something. Oh please! Fucking stupid.

If it doesn't sit right with you then have a chat with her and the head. This change in him is coming from somewhere, maybe all the extra rules this year are getting him down? Demanding respect and forcing arbitrary rules is so old school and it leaves so many kids behind. There has been some very robust research on this topic.

*thread not bread

You are the parent and you should expect your son to respond to a greeting of Hello to his teacher.

Instead of encouraging your son to be a moody, rude victim you need to go to his teacher and ask why it is that your son is being moved. It could be that she is encouraging him to be less reliant on one or two mates and to be more adventurous.

He might be behaving with rudeness to some children and not talking to tham. He might be being easily led by some kids who are teaching him to be rude. Who know? You want to know so ask his teacher politely.

In a bus it is unsafe to be kicking about and not seated sensibly so the teacher had his best interests at heart even though your son found it more boring to be still and quiet.

This is very good advice. Your ds is struggling with something. It could just be the change in teacher. It doesn’t necessarily mean the teacher is being mean to him or singling him out. Boys are more likely to struggle with increased structure. Is your ds one of the younger ones?

Why respond without reading at least the OP’s posts?

I agree with Otter. I disagree with all on this thread. He doesn't want to say hello to teacher and now we all know why. She's dismissive, saying she's only moved him once, but when op listed all the times, she's now admitted this was true.
How did it end op? Because if no resolution I'd ring back. Ask her what she suggests to improve the situation.

Why didn't she ring you, if all this was going on. I'll tell you why, because dismissive of the damage that's been done here. She's the teacher, the adult. She should've addressed it. Any low level rudeness or not behaving could've been reported to you at the end of the day.... Mrs op we've had a couple of issues this week ..... but no. She's had a number of punishments and sanctions, unbeknown to you, and now he's pissed off. Rightly so. I wouldn't have said hello to her either.

In fact her arrogance at her jolly hello Billy at a firework display where he isn't required to say hello, trying to cover her ass. It now turns out she can't even remember how many times she's moved him. She's emotionally inept. She's all jolly. He doesn't like her. Now we all know why.

I'd definitely be ring again. Putting her right in her place. Telling her 'I've had another think about it' and asking her how she intends to compensate ds for her bad handling of the whole situation.

Being moved from your friends, sitting alone, on the coach home, would ruin the day trip for me off too. Thats quite a punishment. Why is ds the one always being moved. And why is op only finding out about all this now. Why hasn't teacher talked to op about it all before?

Sounds to me like he is sensitive about being "told off" and sees the little warnings and movements as a punishment. But the teacher is just trying to manage the classroom and ensure he is listening and engaged. Perhaps conversations need to be had about his feelings and trying to reassure him there will be alot of times in life he is directed to do something that doesn't mean he has been punished but it's for his own benefit. And of course to follow the class rules he won't get moved!

Talk to Ds. Tell him the expectations of year 2 and what he needs to do to comply, to not get into trouble. Ask teacher to do similar, in her own way.

No, some teachers are petty arseholes. My son in year 3 had a hellish year with a teacher who refused to accept his ADHD diagnosis and believed he was wilfully disruptive and that any challenges he had were “mind over matter”. She also openly stated a preference for girls, as she found they were better behaved. Sometimes there is a good reason not to like a teacher.

I don't know this is hard as I went through the same thing when I was a child. You need a meeting with the school to talk through these things and asks what's happening. You don't want him losing his interest in school.

In year 6 I loved school, I loved my teacher and all my friends, I was smart and often got student of the week, my teacher was always saying how well behaved I was and how I was doing so well in English amongst other subjects. Bring on new teacher.. for some reason she just didn't like me, along with a few other students. I never again got student of the week instead it went to another girl who personally I didn't like as she used to bully people. I also started getting worse and worse reports about my lessons, bad at English, bad at baths, can't do science. Everything, I was moved to a seat all on my own at he back of he class away from my friends which made them start leaving me out in the playground... Teacher would tell me off for nothing, something as simple as my pen breaking would be because I'm naughty 🤨 It was horrible, my spirit broke for school and I didn't understand why it had all suddenly changed. Thankfully I moved to secondary school after that and things got better and I was the well behaved one again but I never enjoyed school again after that and would get out of it any chance I got.

All these people saying you need to curb his attitude now... what from 1 post you know the whole attitude of the kid? Please. Hold yourself.
Talk to the teacher. I've had the same incident with my kid and honestly? The teacher was a bully, but never been pulled up on it due to fear. Once we went to the school and explained, things did change. Before the nasties come out, my kid had this issue in yr 6 and had no problems at all his school life previous.

Talk to the school, go with your gut. Your kid is your priority, teacher has 30 of them.

Speaking as a teacher....this! ⬆️

He may well be struggling with going from the comfort & familiarity of 3yrs with a teacher who clearly favoured him to a new one who seems a little stricter. But that's just the way things go sometimes. School life in yr2 & beyond is more 'let's knuckle down & start seriously learning' & less 'settling in & learning through play' so expectations re. behaviour are higher.

A gentle chat with the teacher would be a good idea at this point but you definitely need to work WITH her & not against - for your son's sake. And showing good manners when an adult speaks to him, regardless of what mood he's in or if he likes them, is a life lesson you need to teach him.

Kids do get picked on and scapegoated. Dd2 I’ve had this a couple of times and it’s precisely because I’m a supportive parent who takes no nonsense from her. As a result it’s easier to blame that child than the ones who believe their child is perfect.

If it is a ‘massive pain in the classroom’ it’s surely worth a phone call?

Go in and ask the teacher. Say is he being moved etc and why? He is upset and no longer enjoying school. Take the reins here and trust your instincts and share your concerns with teacher in a friendly way that will open up communication. Express your feelings to her and ask how we can all improve things for DS. Good luck x

I don't understand why so many comments are criticising the parent here.
Are those people all totally ignoring the bit where the child has withdrawn into themselves and is acting differently and anxious? Forcing an upset and anxious child to interact with an adult they are nervous of is just wrong no matter how rude you think it is. That boy is obviously anxious to talk to the teacher and his mum forcing it will not help the situation!

Basically you need to talk to the teacher and discuss how you DS is feeling at home now compared to how he was in reception and hopefully you can get to the bottom of the issue and find a solution so your DS loves school again. Good luck and I hope you get it sorted out xx

P.s. ignore the hateful comments- they do not have enough information to make such ridiculous and unhelpful judgements.

To be honest OP, reading this I think your DS will never warm to this Teacher. You have to find a way to get through it though. I am hoping that he will change Teacher for the next school year. We all know that as people we all including Teachers have people we warm to and people we don't. As we get older it is more understandable on how to deal with this issue Problem is with school you can't get away from the Teacher. Your son has probably chatted a couple of times which now has put him under the Teachers focus. We should all be emotionally intelligent enough to understand that people will also perform better in school/work if the like the person they are working with. I am not sure if I have this correct Year 2 is SATS so can be quite a stressful year for all and it is a big change from Nursery/ Class 1. None of us want a child that does not want to go to school. I think that you have done the right thing by having a meeting with the Teacher. I also think that it is good that your DS can talk to you and your husband about how he feels. I have come across numerous occasions through school years when the Teacher is not right in what they are doing and unfortunately like in all life you have to have a discussion. Thankfully we are nearing the end of School years but there is certainly a couple of Teachers who by their whole demeanor you can tell, hate my child. I always address it in a friendly way, but I just make it clear I am not stupid enough to think everyone likes everyone and that is life and school is school. Good Luck and fingers crossed he likes the Class 3 Teacher. Our Primary school had a move around which meant our class had a militant Teacher 2 years on the trot which the whole class (and the other Teachers, school staff and Teaching Assistants with the exception of the Head) hated, but they all carried on going and got through it.☺️

Reading between the lines, it sounds like your DS is a bit of a pain and one of those who keeps on talking despite warnings, does the ridiculous hysterical laughing that some boys do at this age at minor things and keeps it going long after the joke is over (I know the type- it's common), and is always one of the first to take the chance to do something silly when the teacher is not looking- eg- kicking something round on a school trip! etc.

Sounds like previous teacher was too soft on him and used awards to bribe him to behave. Sounds like your DS is struggling to accept that the new teacher has higher expectations of him and doesn't like the fact that he is expected to behave.

Does sound like you need to get to the route cause of it. My son would act out when some thing was upsetting him so I always new when something was wrong. but also on the other foot he has a wicked sense of humour and some teachers got him to a T and loved it and would encourage it others put him down for it (one said I dnt want to change his personality but he needs to tone it down a bit which is confusing for a young child) and was constantly having a word which was frustrating when in junior he had 2 teachers in the same year for each week. Best to have a word with the teacher and voice your concerns but find out their perspective and then you might find out wants going on it is a big jump from year 1 to year 2 so it be that transition :)

To offer a different perspective, I am a 'parent helper' in my DD school so spend more time in school than most.

The same as you, they had the same teacher for nursery, reception and Y1. She was lovely, an amazing teacher, but very much suited to nursery. She let low level disruption and rule breaking slide, if children were miss behaving she would chat with them one-to-one and try to find out what was going on, as I said she was lovely and makes a wonderful teacher for younger children. There were also 2x TA's and 1x one-to-one in the class with her.

In Y2 the teacher would not stand for it, it was all low level, chatting, laughing, drawing on whiteboards when they're not supposed to, getting out of seats etc. but it all causes a disruption, she only had one TA and had to prepare the class for sats.

I felt very sorry for the Y2 teacher, she was a good teacher but most of the children and parents didn't like her. She spent a huge amount of the day managing behaviour, moving children's seats and writing names on the board etc.

Some children suffered, my own DD has anxiety and after 3 years of being babied and getting away with things, it was a shock to suddenly be being told off for things that were previously accepted and also with the teacher asking them to be more independent.

In my opinion the class would have seriously struggled in Y3 had they not had a stricter Y2 teacher.

I don't think a quick, move there and calm down, is really that serious. If the teachernhad behavioural concerns they'd just tell you. Yes it might seem important wnough for your child to tell you but it should feel like that, otherwise she is letting him and children around your son be distracted. I think we parents can interpret things and dramatise them.
Your son is probably really struggling with just adapting to another personality- nursery to year 1 is far too long to be with the same class. Even if its a case of changing routines then he's probably struggling to adapt and understand that it's a quick move, move on.

Because the parent needs to take some responsibility for his behaviour. The reason maybe is that he has got away with a lot over the years and become a bit spoilt and he is finally finding out that not everyone is finding his behaviour charming and he is not getting away with it anymore. Its a realisation that must come as a bit of a shock at 6.
My Dd went from a saint to a terrible parents evening with the teacher complaining about her behaviour in reception.
It turns out the class had gone from 14 to 30 with the christmas intake and her teacher was diagnosed with ovarian cancer(not that dd knew) but it must have affected the poor teacher badly.
A new teacher came in and she handled dd much better and Dd got through school without getting in too much trouble, but if she wasnt so intelligent and gave a lot to the class it could have been very different.
Her teachers used he to kick start debates or liven them up, but she was always in trouble for talking.
As an adult Dd is a peadiatric OT and her colleagues think think she is undiagnosed ADHD.

Something clearly isn't right - trust your gut instinct and keep a close eye. Raise the issue higher up if needs be.
We've had to raise things at our children's school before now because of teacher issues. Not easy but we have to have our children's backs.