To think Neighbour Recording noises from my Flat/getting a microphone is unhinged

[FreetoBeeme]

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry this reads long but there's too much backstory to leave out.

There was a flood in my bathroom this evening after a basin in the sink overflowed. I was distracted because I was trying to coax my child who was in the living room into having a shower and thought it would be quick. However it turned into a small temper tantrum and I temporarily forgot about the basin. Excess water ended up dripping into the downstairs neighbours flat- the man knocked and let me know, I asked is it bad? And his wife echoed from the bottom of the stairs 'It's very bad' in an aggressive voice. I had never met her before but have heard her voice in this similar tone plenty in the stairwell speaking to her husband. This is the THIRD time her husband has knocked on my door now. This time was obviously completely understandable and necessary.

However when I first moved in, he knocked on my door at 4am in the morning because my child was having a night terror and was crying and banging his foot against the bedframe. I was scared and taken aback that someone would knock on my door at those hours and realised instantly that I wasn't dealing with a reasonable person- At this point I hadn't even seen or met anyone in the building. He said 'Have you just moved in?' 'who have you got in there?'- really pushing boundaries with those types of questions as if he's the police. I told him I wasn't opening the door at that time and it could be discussed in the morning. I suffer from increasing anxiety/panic attacks and this really felt like a violation but I was also genuinely disappointed as I'd hoped to get to a good start with my new neighbours. So my partner offered to speak to him on my behalf as tbh I was a bit shaken up. He admitted to my partner that his wife had put him up to knocking on my door at that time as she hadn't gotten on with the previous person who lived here and she believed that THEY had been deliberately banging to bother them. This sounded ridiculous to us both. My partner had also seen her before and maintained that something wasn't quite right with her and we both agreed based on me also hearing her voice. They're a somewhat socially vulnerable seeming couple, the man is quite weedy and slightly dishevelled looking she is completely the opposite, confrontational, loud and aggressive and seems to have clear issues.

The second time he knocked on my door I was doing a short aerobics routine- no jumping as I'm aware someone lives downstairs- and he came knocking again, I explained what I was doing and that I'd be doing this each morning, I politely told him that I appreciate my personal space and it's an upstairs flat so there will be noise from time to time- basically signs of someone living above him. I asked him his name as he started walking away and he didn't even bother to answer.

So tonight, the one time where I feel he was perfectly justified in knocking, I got my shoes and socks on and went downstairs just to apologise for the leaking water and see what, if any damage was done and how they would be moving forward if there's lasting damage etc. just basic decorum. We discussed the leak, which had stopped as soon as I mopped up the water and there was no damage despite her mentioning 'you can already see the rust'- obviously I paid attention in school so I know rust wouldn't and couldn't magically appeared straight after the fact- I thought thought that odd but ignored it.

So I'm speaking to him and his wife at the door. The conversation starts off cordial enough until his wife starts making complaints about other noises in my flat- mechanical sounding noises, rather aggressively like she wanted a confrontation. She mentioned that she had rights regarding noises. I told her that I know my rights as well and that as it's an upstairs flat there will be certain household noises. I had a noisy fridge a while ago and that got fixed. I explained that it could be either that or the vacuum cleaner- after going round the houses over this for a while and me reiterating that it must have been the fridge but that that was fixed, she turned to me and said 'I think you're gaslighting me'. She swore that she could still hear the noises. She mentioned that she had been recording them! I asked to hear the recordings but her husband couldn't find them in his phone. She and her husband said they would knock AGAIN once they heard the noise again so we could identify what it was. She also said that she believes the noise suddenly switches off when they enter the building- insinuating that I'm somehow playing games. She then said that she was going to buy a microphone to record the noise. Things started to feel surreal and blatantly antagonistic then and I knew I needed to end the interaction. I told her that that sounds like surveillance to me. As I was genuinely perplexed about what this noise could be, I ended the conversation by saying to her husband come up if you hear the noise as I don't know what it is. Before anyone suggests this was inappropriate, it is him who she has been sending up doing the bidding the whole time and she was clearly spoiling for a fight by then, plus he'd said he would. The whole thing is ridiculous but I wanted to get to the bottom of her 'noise' claim and then basically tell them to back off.

As soon as I got upstairs I went about my routine telling my child that they were going to have a shower- that's when I realised what the sound she was talking about was- I have a giant boiler next to the shower and switches for the hot water and the water pressure pump. When the water pressure pump is also in use, when having a shower it does make a low pitched, basal groaning type of sound- however that is simply the plumbing of the place and it's not like I'm lavishing in the shower for hours on end in a cost of living crisis. Either way, it's literally the sound of the cogs turning in the place and doesn't last for more than under ten minutes at a time, most times.

Based on this woman's attitude and energy towards me, which seemed pented up, it would seem she has been moaning about everyday usage sounds at my flat- not jumping, not shouting, not loud music, arguing or anti-social behaviour- yet she has a problem with the sound of a motor/pump coming from the shower during sociable hours? Surely it didn't just start making this specific noise when I moved in?

Both seem like utterly unpleasant, entitled irrational people. From their behaviours they seem to both have issues going on. The man seems beleaguered but equally unpleasant. I'm trying to not let this affect me but I literally haven't done my aerobics since and trust me, I really need the exercise. Now I know it's the shower, what am I going to do? Stop washing my hair? I also feel like I'm tiptoeing around the flat, yet still knowing that it doesn't matter and that they'd find ANYTHING to complain about. AIBU to think this couple are completely unhinged? What is to be done about this type of behaviour?

It's all right! I still appreciate your feedback! I wanted balanced perspectives like yours anyway.

I'm not just looking for 'there there' support but some posters are blatantly ignoring ALL of the inappropriate behaviours these people have exhibited and condoning things like aggression- I won't be having that from these neighbours at all!

Thank you! You can clearly see the implications of some of the things they've knocked for (apart from the leak)- household noise. I think it's social/mental health/paranoia issues personally by the irrational behaviours and the way the woman was waiting to pounce and telling me she's getting a microphone to my face- like what is that supposed to achieve other than create strife and conflict?

And I'm not making light of mental health, I can be prone to anxiety sometimes but I'm not joking here, basically had I opened the door to that guy at 4am, I would've felt extremely uneasy. Both clearly have issues, but tell it here to some people who've never laid eyes on them or had an interaction with these people.

I hear you about your neighbour starting up all that noise at that time it IS inconsiderate. I'm up here just trying to get on with it and keep my head down yet my child crying and doing a ten minute- no jumping exercise routine during social hours is creating a fall out? Nah. As it gets later, I become a lot more sedentary- I don't even play loud music up here or have guests. It's actually ridiculous. I think like some people have said, I need to stop engaging and keep a distance at some point. If he knocks, ascertain that it's him so I can note it down but that's it. The attention/interaction might be feeding them.

The sound made by ordinary,
everyday activities of daily., ie family life and living are reasonable. Neighbours need to insulate against them or tolerate them. Other things beyond that such as aerobics are unreasonable.

That's lovely to know. Do let me know when the earth stops spinning on its' axis because of your profound revelation.

Your response to this perfectly reasonable and rather kindly worded post is telling.

Thanks, the noise assessment thing is a good idea. I have no doubt that they will come up with nothing other than normal signs of property occupancy. 😊

Seriously! Try not to flood her flat again but at the end of the day ur just living a relatively quiet life ignore them and get on with it ' shouldnt have to tip toe around ur iwn home worrying about the sound ur toothbrush makes or boiler! They should try living 'nextdoor' to my neighbours with five kids tele full blast shoutin screamin running up n down stairs arguing the lot but its just normal living to some extent ! Fuck them not like ur deliberately making noise then they can say something !

I love this no nonsense post, only a few people here have caught onto what types of people they are. I've tried to describe them, but have been told I'm being 'judgemental' as if others here haven't been that and worse to me on this thread! I'm starting to think a lot of those comments are coming from potty types just like my neighbours. They're an insufferable miserable pair of people. I'm happy to consider certain points but people acting like I'm the problem when these people have needlessly knocked on my door for BS things (apart from the leak) and have been aggressive from the get go are giving off just as weird vibes as these arsey neighbours😏

You don't sound like a good neighbour, I feel sorry for this couple.

I meant "They are way better for cleaning your teeth properly than manual ones".

Oh OP, I had one of these, it was a bloody nightmare. Mine, it was the bloke who was aggressive, you never saw or heard the woman, she’d only be out of the flat once in a blue moon, and always with him. He was one of those men who was nice and reasonable on the outside, but there was something very nasty simmering just below the surface, a proper ‘neighbours said he was quiet and polite until he murdered his wife’ type.

he was just like yours, kicking off about water coming through the ceiling and doing lots of terrible damage but I couldn’t see anything when I went down to look. He was convinced I was running a tumble dryer at all hours all day and night, as if anybody could afford to do that. Even after we discussed it and I agreed that it would always be off at a certain time, even though it was never on anywhere near that time, he still carried on accusing me. I had the council at my door twice. He even put an aggressive yellow poster up at the bottom of the stairs. He was a proper nutter. I can only conclude that he targeted me because I’m a disabled single mum and a lesbian, because he never did it to anyone else, and there were people living all around us who made far far more noise than we ever did. The next door neighbours, who lived in the adjoining house, so had both floors, had the telly blasting out Morning noon and night. I could hear what they were watching in my flat so I’m sure he could too.

anyway the council told him he had to record the noise on an app before they could do anything. Surprise surprise this evidence was never forthcoming, even so the complaints continued, annd each time the council closed the case. The last time they advised me that I should contact the police because he was harassing me. The police didn’t want to know, obviously.

unless they can provide evidence to the council that you’re making unreasonable noise, the council won’t do anything, and trust me when I say councils get fed up to the back teeth of repeated vexatious complainants. Sadly what these freaks can do however is make your life a misery and make you paranoid in your own home. I hope other posters can come up with some ideas of how to get these people off your back because I sure couldn’t. In the end I moved, and was very glad to do so. Good luck OP, you have my sympathies.

Miserable people intentionally trying to project their misery onto others- sad sack behaviour.

Erm, OP, you posted on AIBU, to ask people's opinions. They gave you your opinions. Now, you are attacking the people who don't agree with you and calling them 'miserable' and 'sad sacks'. Seriously? I don't think they're the misreble ones... if this is how you are in real life, I'm not surprised at all that your neighbours have issues with you! You sound extremely angry.

Also, have you even looked at your voting? You do realise that the majority of people think you ARE being unreasonable, right..?

You don't sound like a good neighbour, I feel sorry for this couple.

100% agree!

???????? No one is saying YOU're abusive, I'm saying if I heard those noises I might have thought abuse and I would've been wrong. Oh my gosh, are you sure you didn't misinterpret your neighbours due to being oversensitive? Maybe it's just a case of 2 parties with extreme personalities clashing...

Let them crack on with the recording, they're being pathetic.
Even if environmental health are called out for (so called noise pollution) not a damn thing would happen.
Ever noise is during daily activities of normal day to day living; it's not like you're blasting music from 11pm till 4am

Do your aerobics and play some music while you're at it, why should you suffer & walk on eggshells to appease them whinging twats. They sound like they'd have problems no matter who lived above.