To think Neighbour Recording noises from my Flat/getting a microphone is unhinged

[FreetoBeeme]

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry this reads long but there's too much backstory to leave out.

There was a flood in my bathroom this evening after a basin in the sink overflowed. I was distracted because I was trying to coax my child who was in the living room into having a shower and thought it would be quick. However it turned into a small temper tantrum and I temporarily forgot about the basin. Excess water ended up dripping into the downstairs neighbours flat- the man knocked and let me know, I asked is it bad? And his wife echoed from the bottom of the stairs 'It's very bad' in an aggressive voice. I had never met her before but have heard her voice in this similar tone plenty in the stairwell speaking to her husband. This is the THIRD time her husband has knocked on my door now. This time was obviously completely understandable and necessary.

However when I first moved in, he knocked on my door at 4am in the morning because my child was having a night terror and was crying and banging his foot against the bedframe. I was scared and taken aback that someone would knock on my door at those hours and realised instantly that I wasn't dealing with a reasonable person- At this point I hadn't even seen or met anyone in the building. He said 'Have you just moved in?' 'who have you got in there?'- really pushing boundaries with those types of questions as if he's the police. I told him I wasn't opening the door at that time and it could be discussed in the morning. I suffer from increasing anxiety/panic attacks and this really felt like a violation but I was also genuinely disappointed as I'd hoped to get to a good start with my new neighbours. So my partner offered to speak to him on my behalf as tbh I was a bit shaken up. He admitted to my partner that his wife had put him up to knocking on my door at that time as she hadn't gotten on with the previous person who lived here and she believed that THEY had been deliberately banging to bother them. This sounded ridiculous to us both. My partner had also seen her before and maintained that something wasn't quite right with her and we both agreed based on me also hearing her voice. They're a somewhat socially vulnerable seeming couple, the man is quite weedy and slightly dishevelled looking she is completely the opposite, confrontational, loud and aggressive and seems to have clear issues.

The second time he knocked on my door I was doing a short aerobics routine- no jumping as I'm aware someone lives downstairs- and he came knocking again, I explained what I was doing and that I'd be doing this each morning, I politely told him that I appreciate my personal space and it's an upstairs flat so there will be noise from time to time- basically signs of someone living above him. I asked him his name as he started walking away and he didn't even bother to answer.

So tonight, the one time where I feel he was perfectly justified in knocking, I got my shoes and socks on and went downstairs just to apologise for the leaking water and see what, if any damage was done and how they would be moving forward if there's lasting damage etc. just basic decorum. We discussed the leak, which had stopped as soon as I mopped up the water and there was no damage despite her mentioning 'you can already see the rust'- obviously I paid attention in school so I know rust wouldn't and couldn't magically appeared straight after the fact- I thought thought that odd but ignored it.

So I'm speaking to him and his wife at the door. The conversation starts off cordial enough until his wife starts making complaints about other noises in my flat- mechanical sounding noises, rather aggressively like she wanted a confrontation. She mentioned that she had rights regarding noises. I told her that I know my rights as well and that as it's an upstairs flat there will be certain household noises. I had a noisy fridge a while ago and that got fixed. I explained that it could be either that or the vacuum cleaner- after going round the houses over this for a while and me reiterating that it must have been the fridge but that that was fixed, she turned to me and said 'I think you're gaslighting me'. She swore that she could still hear the noises. She mentioned that she had been recording them! I asked to hear the recordings but her husband couldn't find them in his phone. She and her husband said they would knock AGAIN once they heard the noise again so we could identify what it was. She also said that she believes the noise suddenly switches off when they enter the building- insinuating that I'm somehow playing games. She then said that she was going to buy a microphone to record the noise. Things started to feel surreal and blatantly antagonistic then and I knew I needed to end the interaction. I told her that that sounds like surveillance to me. As I was genuinely perplexed about what this noise could be, I ended the conversation by saying to her husband come up if you hear the noise as I don't know what it is. Before anyone suggests this was inappropriate, it is him who she has been sending up doing the bidding the whole time and she was clearly spoiling for a fight by then, plus he'd said he would. The whole thing is ridiculous but I wanted to get to the bottom of her 'noise' claim and then basically tell them to back off.

As soon as I got upstairs I went about my routine telling my child that they were going to have a shower- that's when I realised what the sound she was talking about was- I have a giant boiler next to the shower and switches for the hot water and the water pressure pump. When the water pressure pump is also in use, when having a shower it does make a low pitched, basal groaning type of sound- however that is simply the plumbing of the place and it's not like I'm lavishing in the shower for hours on end in a cost of living crisis. Either way, it's literally the sound of the cogs turning in the place and doesn't last for more than under ten minutes at a time, most times.

Based on this woman's attitude and energy towards me, which seemed pented up, it would seem she has been moaning about everyday usage sounds at my flat- not jumping, not shouting, not loud music, arguing or anti-social behaviour- yet she has a problem with the sound of a motor/pump coming from the shower during sociable hours? Surely it didn't just start making this specific noise when I moved in?

Both seem like utterly unpleasant, entitled irrational people. From their behaviours they seem to both have issues going on. The man seems beleaguered but equally unpleasant. I'm trying to not let this affect me but I literally haven't done my aerobics since and trust me, I really need the exercise. Now I know it's the shower, what am I going to do? Stop washing my hair? I also feel like I'm tiptoeing around the flat, yet still knowing that it doesn't matter and that they'd find ANYTHING to complain about. AIBU to think this couple are completely unhinged? What is to be done about this type of behaviour?

This was exactly what I was thinking and what my partner pointed out to him at the time. He said his first point of call, if he was knocking, should've been to see if everything was okay. He just cared about 'who have you got in there?' Because according to him later on, his wife believed it was the previous person who lived here, whom she didn't get on with, deliberately making noise to antagonise her.

Just existing normally lol no aerobics or what have you

Maybe read this back to yourself op because you are the problem

I think the solution, here, is for you to remove yourself from society.

I would have to ask the landlord but as you can imagine as a new tenant and knowing that no fault evictions are being handed out like leaflets right now, I just don't feel comfortable. The previous tenant who was here forever, never complained about ANYTHING so I inherited a bunch of issues that she never reported, which sucks. I also had no clue that the downstairs neighbours' wife had it in for her until recently.

Yeah, some of the answers are weird. A lot of angry wangy people who think they're pissing in my Cheerios somehow😆

I think you do sound like a noisy and inconsiderate neighbour, and the fact that you are being so aggressive with pp who disagree with you just reinforces my view that you are quite an entitled person.

They have only knocked on your door three times - something mn recommends if you have an issue with your neighbour. Once when you flooded their flat with water, and once when they heard prolonged banging and screaming in the middle of the night.

By the way - I suspect the 'rust' she referred to was the brown staining that develops on a ceiling after a water leak. Once the water has all drained through, assuming there is no bowing in the ceiling, it will need sealing and painting. Not to mention whatever was underneath it being water damaged. So yes it was an accident but a pretty big issue for them to sort and not of their making.

Sure.

@TrishIsMySpiritAnimal nailed it. It's not as if one can just stop a baby from screaming. It's not that easy.

@FreetoBeeme On the exercise front, there are ‘Flat friendly’ workouts available. A quick YT search will bring them up.
I also live in a flat, first floor in a 3 story. I hear my neighbours washing machine above and my downstairs neighbours tv- it’s just normal living. I’d ignore your neighbours, and I’d also post information on retirement flats through their door and hope they’d take the hint!

Agreed, you literally can hear everything, the soundproofing isn't great.

Haha! His wife is too rowdy for me to do that. Btw, my workout was supposedly 'flat friendly' but I've stopped them altogether for now.

Yeah cos moving out when there is a massive cost of living and housing crisis is perfectly straightforward and easy.

Suella, is that you? 😃😂

Why post on AIBU if you are only interested in replies who think you're a great neighbour and they're horrible neighbours? The whole point is you get the opposing viewpoint too - to help you to understand that you might not be entirely blame-free, that your neighbours might have a point on at least some of these issues.

Im also thinking that its not entirely the neighbours that are the problem. Sorry op.

That is flat life.
My friend lived in a privately owned flat and had neighbour downstairs who was probably 30s came to complain when I was visiting. Accusing her of having people over stamping about and dancing. It is a small flat and they and we do not wear shoes and they don't have parties at all. My friend also has an elderly mother living there.
We told her to back off as she literally chased us up the stairs shouting all this. And started off with "do you speak English" we both wear Hijab so blatant islamaphobia and Racisim. Even though I was visiting I put her in her place.

My friend and her parents deapite that felt bad and put in carpets and the complaints never stopped! So no more could be done. They told her flat life theh live quietly and are not party people. When people visit they literally walk inside the door and sit on the couch.

Meanwhile the people upstairs would have loud obnoxious sex all hours of the day and they never onced complained.

Flat life sucks and unless it is intentional noise that is anti social i.e parties and Music then they are in the wrong completely and need to move out as that is flat life.

People can give their perspective without telling me that 'there's a special place in hell' and critiquing me for existing in a flat with a child or that I'm this anti-social neighbour- all of which are elitist BS, when I have literally not broken one anti-social law. It's pretty obvious that some people use these threads to vent on complete strangers. Good for them. I'm looking for balanced answers, not people telling me I'm an awful person and they hope they never live near me😆They need to get a grip.

They have only knocked on your door three times - something mn recommends if you have an issue with your neighbour.

Does MN recommend knocking at 4am, demanding to know who's in the house, despite it being none of their damned business?

I coming to realise this about 'flat life'. I literally keep to myself, have had not one house warming or social, don't play loud music. I'm just going about my day to day business. It's really interesting how despite me going downstairs to apologise to the couple and coming to a solution, people in this thread are making me out to be this majorly anti-social person for doing a ten minute aerobics routine (which I've now stopped) and having as shower? Very interesting. These people will find something to complain about, the downstairs woman neighbour is very cantankerous.

This. People are literally ignoring the facts I have given about the invasive attitude of this man. On what planet is a civilian asking a neighbour, who is in your home? At any time of day let alone 4am?🤔

Our lovely very elderly downstairs neighbor in our last house lived below our child.

She came up and explained how much noise she could hear. (Absolutely everything, the flats were very badly sound proofed, one time DS fell off the bed and she texted me to ask if he was ok).

After that we were careful and she was tolerant. She gave DS little gifts occasionally.

My point is you can live below a child and still get along.

OP I think you are getting unreasonably hard time. It's very weird to knock on your neighbors door who you know have never met at 4am unless you actually think someone is being murdered, and even then you should call the police.

You have to live your life. Unless your doing aerobics at antisocial hours they have no leg to stand on. That is horrid you had to stop doing exercise.

I live in a townhouse which I hate as it am used to liveing in a detached. And our neighbour has 2 kids teenagers, so when I heard them jumping around the house and down the stairs I was shocked. From 8pm until 11pm they are jumping off the walls to the point my LO who is 2 complains. Yes a 2yo. These kids are 10 amd 16!!! They also play guitar after 9pm which is antisocial.

We have never complained.

Just as we would be shocked if someone came to complain about our 2yr old running around the house. Part of living. Or a baby crying at night?

Basically choosing to live in this type of housing means we will have to tolerate this kinda thing. If we complained each time they bang the garage at 6am, child jumps down a flight of stairs etc etc we would be pretty miserable people and no one would tolerate us.

I personally wouldn't make any changes. I would just put in my notebook each time they came to complain, what was said etc. And keep neutral if they call anyone police or council whoever then you can show them how you are being harassed for normal activity.

Giving their age and possible mental instability I wouldn't take it too personally. At that age, sorry for generalizing, but this must be all they have. And if anything i wouldn't be angry but pity them.
If they want to put mics in their home so be it. You have nothing to hide as such.
But if they keep disturbing you especially at antisocial hours then you have a right to complain.
Personally I would not want to escalate this knowing it would make matters worse for sure. I would just keep neutral and distant as much as ppssible.

If you choose to live in a ground floor flat, you choose to live with a bit of noise. I would make every effort to keep the noise to a minimum, but you still need to live your life. If your neighbours are reasonable you can talk about what times they would prefer quiet. But if they are being aggressive just ignore them.

Lols!

The male folk here with me are extremely tall, so at times heavy footed. Can sometimes hear them when in the communal hall- often need to remind them to be mindful.