MIL said I embarrassed her in front of her family. WIBU?

[Bigredjumper]

Ar the weekend, my partner and I hosted a family get together for his mother, aunt, cousin and her husband and children. I offered to cook for the get together.

A few weeks before, his cousin messaged saying that she is trying to cut UPFs from her children's diet and asked me to let her know if this would be an issue so she could bring good food with her. I thanked her for letting me know and we agreed I'd run everything past her to make sure she was comfortable with her children eating it. I enjoy cooking so I had absolutely no issue with this; I want to reduce the amount of UPFs I eat anyway.

I decided to make fajitas three ways (chicken, steak and halloumi). The only things I could think of which might not be okay were:

Dried herbs/spices
Cathedral city cheese
Sour cream
Tomato paste (from a local deli, not the tomato puree in a tube)
Oliver oil (from the same deli)

Partner's cousin assured me these were fine for her and her family. I made the tortillas myself, and the meat came from a local butchers. I also made sweet potato fries and a big mumsnetty salad.

I thought the get together went well and everyone seemed to enjoy the food.

My partner's mother text me today saying she cannot believe I thought it was okay to serve her family such junk food. She said I'd embarrassed her and my partner in front of her sister and I should think long and hard before agreeing to host anyone again.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. My partner and his cousin have assured me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I served and to ignore her. But I can't stop thinking I did something wrong and should have served something healthier. Especially considering there were children.

So WIBU? Apologies this is so long!

What absolute rubbish. Your cooking sounds amazing and incredibly nutritious - and delicious. If she IS worried about calories in things like guacamole and dairy, that's nonsense too. Calories aren't bad, especially for growing kids. Good fats, lots of calcium and so on are all important for everyone but especially kids, they shouldn't be on low calorie/low fat diets unless they have specific health issues (the conflating of "healthy" with "low calorie" always annoys me). Ungrateful, rude and ultimately she seems more interested in insulting you than in being helpful - even if you HAD done something she might reasonably have found fault with, she should point it out gently so next time could be different (but I really don't see any world in which that's the case here). Her refusal to even explain her issues to you proves all she wants to do is criticise and hurt. Horrible.

What you served up is something that caters for the multi-generational gathering you were hosting. You had a red meat option, a white meat option and a vegetarian option and everyone could build a meal that suited their preferences. My DDs have been brought up on homecooked meals (they had allergies when they were younger so I didn't have a choice - thankfully I enjoy cooking) but even now at 23 and 19 they wouldn't thank me for a meat and two veg meal.
My DM would have hated what you served up (she hates anything other than bland food - her carrot and coriander soup is made of carrot and orange juice with some fresh coriander as a garnish, so we now make excuses when she offers to make it for Christmas dinner) and I dread feeding her but she would never view fajitas as junk food.

Was she expecting something more traditional, like Beef Wellington or something?

Indeed.

Some are only too delighted to cook a Beef Wellington for their MIL:
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-australia-67305278

I'm also mid 50s and think you served a perfectly normal meal. Your MIL is just bloody rude.

Well OP at least this has let you off the hook from hosting ILs for next 10 years or so!

Not keen on tortillas, personally I’d have done jacket potatoes and salad.
you made a lot of effort and thought to cook tho, I admire that

The food sounded perfect. Sounds like you went to a great deal
of effort to cook a meal that was healthy and she sounds vile and ungrateful. Best not invite her again!!

I'd text the old bat and tell her to stop being rude and bring her own food. And if she speaks to me like that again, don't bother coming around.

Audacity of some people.

I once served my mil chilli con carne with salad in tortillas and she refused to make the tortillas and ate it with a knife and fork.

I suspect she didn't like "that foreign muck".

May your mil is the same?

that meal sounds wonderful! I would eat that any day and I am also trying to avoid upfs. I think with someone like that, there is no point in responding. I would just leave it.

Less of the "old", eh? Ageism isn't a good look.

I think the UPF side is a red herring and not related to her issue, which I agree is more likely to be about the casual nature of the dinner rather than a knife and forky trad meal. My parents and in-laws don't mind eating fajitas if we made them but they'd never make them or consider them fancy food for a dinner event. Whereas obviously we're all for them and less formal, but to them it's more like chicken wrap and chips, not something snazzy that you'd be proud to put on for guests.

No idea what a diet 'avoiding UPFs' would look like, but it seems you have gone out of your way to accommodate a request from one of your guests, so the only way to comment - if you are a person who feels they need to comment for some reason - is to mention how kind it was of you to go out of your way to do so.

I mean, your meal sounds lovely to me, but quite frankly if you'd stuck some nuggets and frozen chips on a baking tray and put them in the oven, it wouldn't be my place, as a guest, to criticise you for it.

She has taken rudeness to a new level. Glad your dh has totally got your back.
Though not sure how she is going to apologize if you have blocked her - that seems to be fuelling the drama/

She’s obviously one of those weirdos who thinks that any food which is ‘handheld’ is junk food

ie: Not very bright

Hope I'm not the only one who had to Google UPF.....

I will put money on it being the "eating with your hands" part of it that offended.

Eating with your hands equals junk food in her head, as probably the only other things like that she has eaten is burgers or pizza (although i would bet she eats pizza with a knife and fork too!).

The fact that your meal is far healthier than the average traditional British Dinner will have passed her by, it didnt involve proper cutlery....so therefore it was crappy junk.

She may have eaten British versions of Indian or Italian food but I bet thats about as far as she been in terms of sampling world cuisine.

I think it’s a case of ‘This is not what I have been accustomed to’. In other words she expected three courses with a roast.

Well tough titty, eh MIL? You’re now an outlaw.

As I said above in reply to a PP, it will be because it was an 'eat with your hands' meal that people of her generation likely see as junk food or something you'd have casually or for lunch. She also likely presumed that it was from a do-it-yourself packet.
I don't think it's racism I think it's snobbery from someone who isn't very bright nor very perceptive

Then you're very sheltered! I can assure you, dickheads exist everywhere. Trust me

Bloody hell, she's mid-50s?? I'm 54 and would regard that as an appropriate and appetising meal. But whatever she thought of it, it's phenomenally rude to say any of that. It was pretty rude to sit and eat with knife and fork tbh, has she not been told the story of Queen Victoria and the finger bowls? I got that drummed into me regularly as a child.

I think the kindest thing would be to ignore the message. The healthiest would be to ring her up and roar with laughter on the phone at her 'joke'.

Does your MiL thinks anything not eaten with a knife and fork is 'junk food'? How embarrassing for her. Good that you don't contact her any more because she's unlikely to admit her error

And she isnt "old" at all! I am only a few years younger than her and would love this meal. My favourite food for dinners is Mexican or Morrocan as there are so many different options that can be put together to cover a variety of dietary requirements, a lot of friends are vegan, some veggies, some eat meat and some are veggie avoiders! Oh and one Coeliac. She would definitely consider my meals as junk if that is her standard.

I did the same as you 😂

Good Lord, how rude.
I'd reply "there is only one person here who has reason to be embarrassed about any of this, and it's you, you are bonkers".

"Her generation"?!!

She is in her 50's not her eighties! We grew up in the 70's and 80's when the world of food really expanded, I grew up eating all sorts of different cuisines and have done even more since becoming an adult.

The issue is not her age, I assure you. Its her attitude and snobbery.