MIL said I embarrassed her in front of her family. WIBU?

[Bigredjumper]

Ar the weekend, my partner and I hosted a family get together for his mother, aunt, cousin and her husband and children. I offered to cook for the get together.

A few weeks before, his cousin messaged saying that she is trying to cut UPFs from her children's diet and asked me to let her know if this would be an issue so she could bring good food with her. I thanked her for letting me know and we agreed I'd run everything past her to make sure she was comfortable with her children eating it. I enjoy cooking so I had absolutely no issue with this; I want to reduce the amount of UPFs I eat anyway.

I decided to make fajitas three ways (chicken, steak and halloumi). The only things I could think of which might not be okay were:

Dried herbs/spices
Cathedral city cheese
Sour cream
Tomato paste (from a local deli, not the tomato puree in a tube)
Oliver oil (from the same deli)

Partner's cousin assured me these were fine for her and her family. I made the tortillas myself, and the meat came from a local butchers. I also made sweet potato fries and a big mumsnetty salad.

I thought the get together went well and everyone seemed to enjoy the food.

My partner's mother text me today saying she cannot believe I thought it was okay to serve her family such junk food. She said I'd embarrassed her and my partner in front of her sister and I should think long and hard before agreeing to host anyone again.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. My partner and his cousin have assured me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I served and to ignore her. But I can't stop thinking I did something wrong and should have served something healthier. Especially considering there were children.

So WIBU? Apologies this is so long!

@Draculina

right, so you offer three types of fajita, make home made guac, home made sweet potato fries and make your own tortillas from scratch for just like a regular run of the mill Tuesday night dinner?? Sure you do…

@Bemyclementine

Same here, my mother considers food that you pick up as junk food, also hates spice (dad happily eats spices) I've served my mother fajitas (well sort of - plain chicken, garlic Mayo, salad) with sweet potato fries and she wasn't impressed though everyone else loved there's. The difference is mum isn't rude, and we had English or Italian food on other nights (on holiday)

@LuckySantangelo35

I don't make my own tortillas but I do make 2 kinds fillings plus guacamole, salsa and sweet potato fries or spicy rice routinely, guess what I'm fancying for dinner now ....

I would respond

‘Karen, are you quite well? I served a lovely, healthy meal and you seem to be having a very bizarre reaction. Is there something upsetting you? I can send DH round to chat through whatever the issue is.‘.

then don’t engage again.

She is rude in the way she communicated with you.

Her POV is probably that she considers this "finger food" and not a sit down meal.

Explain to her that you catered to requests of other members of her family (is it grandchildren? - I can't quite tell). You didn't realise it would be a problem

I agree the meal served was more suited to an informal mid week tea but I live in a culture where having guests means making something more ‘formal’.

That said, the only thing I’d ever say about any meal given to me is thank you, that was lovely.

I would and I’m sure some other would also. It’s an easy meal if you know what you’re doing and the more often you do it the quicker you are at it.

Yup. She shouldn't have said anything.

Also formal doesn't mean having to dress up in black tie (i think some people misunderstood that on here to Drac, who sounds like from similar eating to me). Just the food is more formal. Like birthday gatherings in winter were starter like liverdumpling soup, main, dessert (god how i miss my grandma's strudel) with coffee. But you can totes just be there in a tshirt and jeans and it's fun.
Summer was usually bbq if weather was good😁

but I live in a culture where having guests means making something more ‘formal’.

Even if it is family?

Your meal was fine.
Your MIL was extremely rude.
Your husband's cousin was quite rude.
Your Husband sounds great - that's the most important thing.

Really quite sad though to discover that family are this uptight/rude/judgey/nasty though💐.

@Bellyblueboy

that’s a right arsey, insincere response

It's refreshing to see your husband's reaction. Your MIL is bonkers 😂

Yes. Not that family would ever be looked upon as a guest.

I think the best way to describe it is - if someone, anyone, is going to be at your table you make an effort and show them they’re worthwhile.

It could be a meal based round some of your adult children’s favourites. Or a menu made up of traditional foods for people who are perhaps visiting you when they’re on holiday from a very different country. Or it may just be your pals coming for a meal so you spoil them a bit.

The point being that they’re worth the effort.

I’m also finding it difficult to explain.

@RampantIvy i reckon this has been posted by the Fajita Marketing Board because I want them now!

Old El Paso! 😆

@BitOutOfPractice

Not them @LTBarbara. far too ultra-processed! 😬

I am Team OP and her delicious fajitas and think her MiL thinks she’s Fanny Cradock btw but I know what you mean about formality being difficult to pinpoint. If my MiL cooks for family and it’s a biggish group, it’ll be formal in the sense that:
She’ll do more special (wrong word, I think) stuff than I make every day, that collectively take hours eg fiddly stuff like samosas, a massive lamb biryani, homemade breads etc (She’s an incredible cook and even stuff she whips up quickly is.)
The dishes, in her finest wedding crockery, will be passed around and the mood is quite solemn and dignified 😆
There will be absolutely no bottles of beer or soft drinks being drank out of
There will be polite, quiet conversation

If she eats with us, she’ll eat stuff like fajitas and it’ll be chaos but she will be very complimentary and appreciative, despite the wildly different style of hosting.

Fucking mental.

What a lovely meal! In a restaurant you’d pay £20-40 a head for that!

never cook for MIL ever again. Partner has said criticise everything she ver does now. (I wouldn’t).

how does Dp feel about this nonsense?

@eggandonion you genuinely sound like a lovely MIL

What's upf's

She was hoping for cottage pie and peas

what a weirdo she is

there is NO WAY id mske my own tortilla wraps. What ab effort

Ultra processed foods