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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL said I embarrassed her in front of her family. WIBU?

542 replies

Bigredjumper · 14/11/2023 21:15

Ar the weekend, my partner and I hosted a family get together for his mother, aunt, cousin and her husband and children. I offered to cook for the get together.

A few weeks before, his cousin messaged saying that she is trying to cut UPFs from her children's diet and asked me to let her know if this would be an issue so she could bring good food with her. I thanked her for letting me know and we agreed I'd run everything past her to make sure she was comfortable with her children eating it. I enjoy cooking so I had absolutely no issue with this; I want to reduce the amount of UPFs I eat anyway.

I decided to make fajitas three ways (chicken, steak and halloumi). The only things I could think of which might not be okay were:

Dried herbs/spices
Cathedral city cheese
Sour cream
Tomato paste (from a local deli, not the tomato puree in a tube)
Oliver oil (from the same deli)

Partner's cousin assured me these were fine for her and her family. I made the tortillas myself, and the meat came from a local butchers. I also made sweet potato fries and a big mumsnetty salad.

I thought the get together went well and everyone seemed to enjoy the food.

My partner's mother text me today saying she cannot believe I thought it was okay to serve her family such junk food. She said I'd embarrassed her and my partner in front of her sister and I should think long and hard before agreeing to host anyone again.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. My partner and his cousin have assured me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I served and to ignore her. But I can't stop thinking I did something wrong and should have served something healthier. Especially considering there were children.

So WIBU? Apologies this is so long!

OP posts:
brokenhearted2 · 15/11/2023 10:25

AutumnCrow · 15/11/2023 09:55

having some weird older person issues

Like what? Mid-50s isn't 'older' - is it??!

Hey I said I was the same age and I know some fusty people my age who seem to have prematurely turned into grumpy old people. I can imagine some of them being weirded out by using hands at a dinner. Like I said it's a them problem

MikeRafone · 15/11/2023 10:37

Its a shame that MIL doesn't have high standards for herself, her comment about hosting and who you could host was extremely rude. Perhaps a book on manner fro Christmas might help...

Blueblell · 15/11/2023 10:43

She used a knife and fork - I think there is your answer. She probably doesn’t eat “non traditional food” Sounds lovely to me and you you obviously put a lot of effort in to make a meal that would be fun and enjoyed by a mixed age group.

She is very rude!

derxa · 15/11/2023 10:44

I'm 64 and have been eating spicy food since I was 18. Eating spicy food isn't a sign of sophistication. Fajitas are not a sophisticated food. A very strange choice.
As for children dictating the menu, words fail me. What was wrong with providing food you knew everyone would enjoy.

RampantIvy · 15/11/2023 10:49

I don't think fajitas was a strange choice. It ticked all the boxes. I wonder how many of us are fancying fajitas after reading this thread?

I get that some people are unadventurous with food, but I would have thought that anyone in my age group (mid 60s) or younger would know what they are even if they have never tried them before.

eggandonion · 15/11/2023 10:54

Id have thought there was enough choice for everyone there? Massive salad included.

derxa · 15/11/2023 10:56

I get that some people are unadventurous with food What's wrong with being unadventurous with food? There is thread after thread on here about foods that people refuse to eat. I can eat almost anything but that doesn't make me special

Catandsquirrel · 15/11/2023 10:58

Wow. After all that care and effort. Did she realise you'd made everything from scratch? At least DP is clear about his loyalties.

Kisskiss · 15/11/2023 10:58

She’s very rude. The usual response to being hosted and having a meal cooked for you is to say thank you and perhaps bring the hostess a gift.. not criticism 🤣

eggandonion · 15/11/2023 10:58

@RampantIvy I fancy fajitas and and an invite to op for lunch.
Followed by ice cream and tinned fruit which is an inlaw treat in our family.

Wwwnothingdotcom · 15/11/2023 11:02

I get that some people are unadventurous with food

I don't think tbis is about adventure but more about formal/non formal.
Fajitas are great fun food for gatherings, but some occasions are more formal food for many

Tonight1 · 15/11/2023 11:05

@RampantIvy another one here who now wants fajitas.

Sigh. I've already done my food shopping/planning for this week.

But next week...

@PinkSparklyPussyCat not sure really, if it was too spicy MIL could have said at the start and not thrown a hissy fit afterwards?

Toooldtocareanymore · 15/11/2023 11:07

Sorry i've made an error and pressed the wrong button meant to say you were not unreasonable- so the 2% vote is false based on my being an idiot.

Your mil sounds awful, even if she thought this, to actual say what she did to you is plain rude. Your meal sounds lovely- i'd have never made my own tortillas, but i can only think your mil is stuck in a time warp- my grandmother, much as we loved her felt a meal especially one for men, or guests, had to include meat and potatoes. She made me serve a side of potatoes once to a carbonara. She thought any finger food was pretty ignorant and you were slumming it if you used hands, so we had to eat burgers with cutlery at bbqs to keep her happy.

AllTangledUpInTitlesAndTiaras · 15/11/2023 11:08

@Toooldtocareanymore you can change your vote by clicking on the other option. Smile

Cyclebabble · 15/11/2023 11:10

I have used the recipe from the BBC and found it really good and great for party food at a large gathering. Interestingly I was planning to do the same with an elderly auntie and she said something along the lines of ooh I will not eat that. Which was a but annoying but I simply changed. Your MIL's reaction seems extreme. If I had gone somewhere and not really liked the food (especially a close relative) I would have smiled politely and got a bag of chips/burger on the way home. I suspect something underlies this- and it is her problem- so I think I would let the dust settle and then ask why.

Catandsquirrel · 15/11/2023 11:11

I think they're ideal for a family gathering with all ages and were made to a high standard. I definitely fancy tex mex with halloumi tonight! It's not about pandering to kids but thoughtful to make something with a fun and colourful element that they will enjoy too

Toooldtocareanymore · 15/11/2023 11:12

thanks i didn't know that ,

Draculina · 15/11/2023 11:16

I wouldn't say fajitas are an appropriate meal to serve to guests, but it's certainly not junk food, and it's what you chose to serve - guests should eat and accept your choice graciously without criticism. It's just rude and unacceptable to berate a host. You don't have to like what they serve you, but you smile, try the food, and say thank you for the invitation. End of.

diddl · 15/11/2023 11:19

Whole family sound rude to me!

Does MIL feel inferior to her sister?

Why would she be embarrassed about what you serve Op?

It doesn't reflect on her!

I don't like tortillas but would have been happy to eat the toppings!

Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 15/11/2023 11:23

Draculina · 15/11/2023 11:16

I wouldn't say fajitas are an appropriate meal to serve to guests, but it's certainly not junk food, and it's what you chose to serve - guests should eat and accept your choice graciously without criticism. It's just rude and unacceptable to berate a host. You don't have to like what they serve you, but you smile, try the food, and say thank you for the invitation. End of.

Why aren't they appropriate?

bombastix · 15/11/2023 11:24

Jesus. If people have these standards then the onus is on them to do it. I don't think you can ever chivvy the host.

I like formal dining. I do it myself. But I accept whatever someone else does because it's their decision and their effort. The MIL cannot turn up and moan about catering standards. She can do it herself.

RampantIvy · 15/11/2023 11:24

Draculina · 15/11/2023 11:16

I wouldn't say fajitas are an appropriate meal to serve to guests, but it's certainly not junk food, and it's what you chose to serve - guests should eat and accept your choice graciously without criticism. It's just rude and unacceptable to berate a host. You don't have to like what they serve you, but you smile, try the food, and say thank you for the invitation. End of.

We never have really formal dinner parties, and anyone who joined us to eat would be more than happy with fajitas.

Draculina · 15/11/2023 11:32

Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 15/11/2023 11:23

Why aren't they appropriate?

Show quote history

IMO, fajitas is an everyday food, something you make for dinner on a Tuesday night. I wouldn't think of serving an everyday dinner meal for a gathering with guests. I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but in my culture, we usually make more effort with the meals we serve to guests. But as I said, if I was at a dinner party where fajitas were served I wouldn't DREAM of doing anything but eat it and thank the host for the delicious food.

AutumnCrow · 15/11/2023 11:33

Given the description of the food available in the OP, it was perfectly possible for MiL to have made herself up a plate of chicken salad and sweet potato fries, or steak & salad, or cheese salad, or had her DiL make it up for her.

Draculina · 15/11/2023 11:34

RampantIvy · 15/11/2023 11:24

We never have really formal dinner parties, and anyone who joined us to eat would be more than happy with fajitas.

Show quote history

We don't either, but as I mentioned in my post before this one: in my culture, it's normal to make more an effort with guests than to serve them the same things you eat on a week night. That's why I said I don't think fajitas is an appropriate meal to serve, but that's just my opinion.