MIL said I embarrassed her in front of her family. WIBU?

[Bigredjumper]

Ar the weekend, my partner and I hosted a family get together for his mother, aunt, cousin and her husband and children. I offered to cook for the get together.

A few weeks before, his cousin messaged saying that she is trying to cut UPFs from her children's diet and asked me to let her know if this would be an issue so she could bring good food with her. I thanked her for letting me know and we agreed I'd run everything past her to make sure she was comfortable with her children eating it. I enjoy cooking so I had absolutely no issue with this; I want to reduce the amount of UPFs I eat anyway.

I decided to make fajitas three ways (chicken, steak and halloumi). The only things I could think of which might not be okay were:

Dried herbs/spices
Cathedral city cheese
Sour cream
Tomato paste (from a local deli, not the tomato puree in a tube)
Oliver oil (from the same deli)

Partner's cousin assured me these were fine for her and her family. I made the tortillas myself, and the meat came from a local butchers. I also made sweet potato fries and a big mumsnetty salad.

I thought the get together went well and everyone seemed to enjoy the food.

My partner's mother text me today saying she cannot believe I thought it was okay to serve her family such junk food. She said I'd embarrassed her and my partner in front of her sister and I should think long and hard before agreeing to host anyone again.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. My partner and his cousin have assured me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I served and to ignore her. But I can't stop thinking I did something wrong and should have served something healthier. Especially considering there were children.

So WIBU? Apologies this is so long!

My mum is in her fifties and she’s currently going through her phase of cooking obscure Korean dishes but a relative who’s the same age would find Wagamama even far too ‘exotic’.

Yes, not down to age. Some people just have old-fashioned tastes in food or notions of what a dinner party should look like and what should be eaten, regardless of their age.

@Crossinsomekindaline Also don't know 😂. Google isn't telling me anything.

It’s an ultra processed food ( eg Jar of pasta sauce or cured meat). They aren’t particularly healthy, and lots of people are now trying to reduce them which is sensible; but given many people have lived on them for decades, slipping a few in out of politeness at a meal someone else has cooked isn’t about to kill anyone on the spot.

This idea actually sounds fantastic, I'm going to use it for the weekend when we have guests!

Your MIL sounds batshit - similar to mine, I sometimes wonder if we all have the same MIL 😂

What's a UPF?
I'd love that meal and I'm older than your MIL. It's not an age thing it's her total lack of manners and disrespect. I'd be asking her for an apology!

My husband is mid sixties. As am I. A friend did a Mexican evening when we were watching Live Aid in her flat...it was Tex Mex because she is Texan.
My Mil is late eighties and would eat anything put in front of her. Late Fil had specific meals at home on specific days...Sunday roast, fish on Friday, chops on Wednesday etc. But he worked in school admin and ate school dinners...curry, chilli, quiche.
If my dil and son invited family round I'd be thrilled. I am always happy to eat food I haven't had to make myself.

A few weeks before, his cousin messaged saying that she is trying to cut UPFs from her children's diet and asked me to let her know if this would be an issue so she could bring good food with her. I thanked her for letting me know and we agreed I'd run everything past her to make sure she was comfortable with her children eating it. I enjoy cooking so I had absolutely no issue with this; I want to reduce the amount of UPFs I eat anyway. How bizarre

Perhaps your MIL equates "street food" with "junk food"? Your meal sounds fabulous, Ignore the old cow and don't invite her again.

The jumpiest element of this entire situation is the MIL sending that incredibly rude message to the OP.

If someone has gone to the trouble of hosting and cooking the only appropriate message to send is one thanking them. Any quibbles should be kept to yourself. I don't think basic manners are a generational issue.

UPF = unidentified propelling fork

(No it's ultra processed foods)

Ultra processed foods

Gannet, couldn’t agree more. So why not just tune down the jumpiness altogether since that’s the kind of response that kicked the whole thing off.

I am absolutely shocked that your MIL is only 52. Her attitude and behaviour makes no sense whatsoever. Surely there must be something else going on.

But it isn't just age. It is also about eating a range of cuisines. I am in my 60s and have never eaten fajitas but if I was much younger then I probably would have done.

The people you have listed probably eat out many times more than the MIL and so are likely to have gone to a Mexican restaurant especially as they are in the US.

Standard cured meat is actually not UPF.

But presumably a roast would have been fine? That bizarrely is far more ‘simple’.

Yes, if you have family that does but I don't. I rarely eat out and if I did, I would not choose a Mexican restaurant because I have never been to one and wouldn't know if I would like it.

And now reading this thread, it's no wonder you're all in a cost of living crisis!

Well quite, @LTBarbara. Maybe:

People eating food?
Having phones?
Owning cutlery?
Erm, wearing clothes?

I mean, the utter profligacy of it all

Yes, I think that she is set in her ways and very judgemental. She doesn't like anything different and would have expected a roast or similar.

But yes I agree, she is also very rude and I feel for the OP.

Fajitas are Tex-Mex. All these people are from where fajitas are ordinary street food. Hence they obviously eat it. They possibly never had yorkshire pudding roast wrap though😁

Also can't compare super stars with ordinary women.

Wtf?! I can’t believe how rude and completely lacking in social graces she is! What a horrible woman. I can’t believe how many people are even suggesting it may be because she isn’t used to it, or that her age is even remotely a factor. My mother is 60, has lived in the rural (vv rural) south west her whole life and eats very standard British grub but would never dream of even thinking of being so rude!
As a side note, I am thrilled that, as a rarity on here it seems, we have a DH who has his wife’s back 100%. Good for him!!

It is ill mannered of her.
My elderly mother has never had fajitas, and would also be horrified 🤣🤣
But we always would accommodate either a menu she liked or make a special dish for her.
I think it’s the mess element for your MIL to be honest, that and she’s not very nice 😊

MIL is mid 50's. When she was young she listened to Wham! Duran Duran, Pet Shop Boys, not Vera Lynn.
The MIL is just a rude woman, they are in all generations.

I suspect mil doesn't think "foreign" food is proper food. Whilst my mother wouldn't dream of being so rude, she definitely counts most (French food excepted) foreign food as junk food

Agree but the MIL is her own worst enemy here. If you deliberately style yourself as a dyed in the wool gammon who believes eating anything forrin brings shame on the family you kind of deserve anything you get.

My mum (now deceased) was born in the 30s and loved Indian/Chinese/Thai/Mexican food. She would have horrified that Little England tastes are still alive and well in people a generation or two below her.