MIL said I embarrassed her in front of her family. WIBU?

[Bigredjumper]

Ar the weekend, my partner and I hosted a family get together for his mother, aunt, cousin and her husband and children. I offered to cook for the get together.

A few weeks before, his cousin messaged saying that she is trying to cut UPFs from her children's diet and asked me to let her know if this would be an issue so she could bring good food with her. I thanked her for letting me know and we agreed I'd run everything past her to make sure she was comfortable with her children eating it. I enjoy cooking so I had absolutely no issue with this; I want to reduce the amount of UPFs I eat anyway.

I decided to make fajitas three ways (chicken, steak and halloumi). The only things I could think of which might not be okay were:

Dried herbs/spices
Cathedral city cheese
Sour cream
Tomato paste (from a local deli, not the tomato puree in a tube)
Oliver oil (from the same deli)

Partner's cousin assured me these were fine for her and her family. I made the tortillas myself, and the meat came from a local butchers. I also made sweet potato fries and a big mumsnetty salad.

I thought the get together went well and everyone seemed to enjoy the food.

My partner's mother text me today saying she cannot believe I thought it was okay to serve her family such junk food. She said I'd embarrassed her and my partner in front of her sister and I should think long and hard before agreeing to host anyone again.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. My partner and his cousin have assured me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I served and to ignore her. But I can't stop thinking I did something wrong and should have served something healthier. Especially considering there were children.

So WIBU? Apologies this is so long!

So glad that your DH has your back on this one. From the usual threads on MN I don't think many men would have stood up to their DMs in this way.

I also don't think that being in her mid-fifties has anything to do with it. I'm in my mid-fifties and would have loved what you cooked. She just sounds very narrow minded and extremely rude!

Bloody hell, she's mid-50s?? I'm 54 and would regard that as an appropriate and appetising meal

I'm late 60s. If someone goes to the trouble of planning, shopping and cooking a meal - let alone take the trouble the OP does - I'm going to eat it and be grateful.

It sounds like a generational thing. It’s not the way my parents eat - though I would happily much it down! She probably envisaged full cutlery settings and a roast! Personally I think you did well to accommodate dietary requests. I’m afraid I always find them a little overbearing where it isn’t an actual allergy involved: it’s hospitality in a home, not a restaurant they are paying for, and there is something to be said for accepting graciously even if it’s not what you would have chosen. I would just explain calmly to your MIL that you had to run it by the cousin as she had indicated that she had certain parameters and that you both agreed this meal fitted them. Then leave it at that: life is too short.

It sounds like a generational thing.

She is mid fifties, so absolutely not a generational thing. Do you seriously believe that women in their mid fifties only eat meat and two veg style meals?

Please desist with your ageist views.

1. your MIL sounds bonkers
2. your DH sounds lovely
3. your meal sounds delicious and we’re now going to have fajitas this weekend (with shop bought tortillas)

Huh? I love fajitas!

Sounds like she's just not used to that kind of food and lashed out. Everyone needs fat in their diet, especially children.

Hopefully she'll apologise now but I'd be wary of cooking for her again...

It sounds like a generational thing. It’s not the way my parents eat - though I would happily much it down!

I think you need to meet more people and think carefully about your extremely ageist views.

Yeah. Agree with pps. It wasn't what was in the food, but the food. Not sophisticated enough for her. Lots of people think of this as street food

The MIL is similar in age to the women in the list below.

Halle Berry
Jennifer Lopez
Salma Hayek
Jennifer Aniston
Janet Jackson
Sandra Bullock
Julia Roberts

Do the ageist posters think that these women are old and have never eaten fajitas?

Sorry I missed the mid 50’s bit. Still can’t see where it says that actually but agree that is unlikely to be the issue in that case. That said, my parents are nearing 80’s and genuinely do eat meat and two veg - as do most of their friends. It’s not ageist to be sensitive to the fact that we all grow up with different culinary influences which shape our expectations. Why be so jumpy?

I agree. She likely viewed the dish as too simple to serve at that kind of gathering. She was extremely rude to comment though.

Astonishing behaviour! I'm amazed she's only mid 50s, I imagined she was from a different generation and very 'stuck in her ways'. She's the same age as me and this isn't something anyone my age I know would be critical about.

I would guess it's the eating with your hands that has offended her but still amazingly rude to say anything. I'm imagining Hyacinth Bucket! Really glad your partyhas your back and I'm available anytime for homemade fajitas, just let me know a date!! 😂

Your MIL is just rude and is trying to belittle you.

I'm 53 and have loved fajitas ever since I first tried them in my late teens at a tex mex restaurant in London. I thought they were so exciting when they were delivered on a sizzling skillet.

I often cook them , always from scratch ( although I use shop bought tortillas ) as the DC love them.

When I'm hosting a large family group I usually serve things like home made slow cooked pulled pork with brioche buns , potato wedges and salad or chicken kebabs with home made flat breads, dips and salad. Sometimes I just order in pizzas. This always goes down well with my parents and in-laws who are between 75 and 85 and my nieces and their partners who are mid 20's and everyone else in between.

I like family gatherings to be relaxed whereas for a dinner party with friends I make things much for formal and fancy.

I also wondered if you used a press for the tortilla. I find it hard to get them thin enough with a rolling pin but shop ones have that awful aftertaste like bicarb.

It’s not simple at all to come up with three versions of fajitas from scratch . So she’d not have seen it as simple, but maybe lacking sophistication as the poster said.

i agree with the others though, this was either lack of sophistication and folks eating with their hands, so she saw it as junk, or that “foreign muck”

either way the op laid on a fab dinner party and this woman was outrageously rude and offensive.

Sounds like a generational thing.

My DM would consider food to be eaten by hand 'junk food'.

She wants knife & fork meat & potatoes meals. Nothing 'foreign'.

They were brought up at a time where it was rude to eat with your hands. Only done by people too poor for cutlery.

Because you were one of many people who either didn't read the OP's replies ( just use the see all button ffs) or who assumed 54 was old and would never have experienced "foreign" food, its laughable and somewhat ageist. We went to restaurants 30yrs ago serving Mexican food, I'd recreate the meals at home, it's not something that the current generation have discovered.

And another...

@Gardeningtime Fajitas are super simple - midweek meal kind of food.

Sorry I missed the mid 50’s bit

In that case you are forgiven @Calliopespa. That said, if my mother was still alive it is something she would have eaten (she was born in 1918), and most 80+ year olds I know would also have eaten fajitas

The MIL is mid fifties.

Bet the children loved it though

I’m mid fifties, we had baked Camembert and were tearing off bits of baguettes to dip so we were using fingers. I reckon the lack of cutlery is her issue.

My guess is she is hung up about it being common. With the reason being she is from a humble background and feels she has bettered herself. So any slip up means she is giving away her roots. I used to work with someone like this. She was actually a nice woman but was really hard to read, I’m really good at just getting a feel of what people are like as individuals, gut reactions. She was really difficult. She let slip where she grew up once, it is the worst bit of the city we lived in, really rough.

Nup, didn’t think 50’s was old: just didn’t see it mentioned as I said. Admit I just read the first post and simply tried to suggest a reason that occurred to me as to why her hard work might not have been well received - which has clearly bothered her or she wouldn’t be posting. I’m sure it was delicious because as you yourself point out, it’s food our generation have discovered and “the current generation haven’t .” ( though actually my children have!). Why hit at people trying to be understanding??

I am the only person wondering what the fuck a UPF is?