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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL said I embarrassed her in front of her family. WIBU?

542 replies

Bigredjumper · 14/11/2023 21:15

Ar the weekend, my partner and I hosted a family get together for his mother, aunt, cousin and her husband and children. I offered to cook for the get together.

A few weeks before, his cousin messaged saying that she is trying to cut UPFs from her children's diet and asked me to let her know if this would be an issue so she could bring good food with her. I thanked her for letting me know and we agreed I'd run everything past her to make sure she was comfortable with her children eating it. I enjoy cooking so I had absolutely no issue with this; I want to reduce the amount of UPFs I eat anyway.

I decided to make fajitas three ways (chicken, steak and halloumi). The only things I could think of which might not be okay were:

Dried herbs/spices
Cathedral city cheese
Sour cream
Tomato paste (from a local deli, not the tomato puree in a tube)
Oliver oil (from the same deli)

Partner's cousin assured me these were fine for her and her family. I made the tortillas myself, and the meat came from a local butchers. I also made sweet potato fries and a big mumsnetty salad.

I thought the get together went well and everyone seemed to enjoy the food.

My partner's mother text me today saying she cannot believe I thought it was okay to serve her family such junk food. She said I'd embarrassed her and my partner in front of her sister and I should think long and hard before agreeing to host anyone again.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. My partner and his cousin have assured me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I served and to ignore her. But I can't stop thinking I did something wrong and should have served something healthier. Especially considering there were children.

So WIBU? Apologies this is so long!

OP posts:
LTBarbara · 15/11/2023 06:21

EconomyClassRockstar · 15/11/2023 00:39

And now reading this thread, it's no wonder you're all in a cost of living crisis!

Maybe it’s still too early and I’m being silly but I don’t follow so please explain.

Olika · 15/11/2023 06:21

Your MIL is so rude. I think she has never eaten Fajitas before and eating them with hands is the problem for her. She is a different generation so she doesn't get it. So glad you have DH that stands up for you.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 15/11/2023 06:25

YANBU. How has MIL reacted to be told she isn’t welcome anymore?

RampantIvy · 15/11/2023 06:31

it will be because it was an 'eat with your hands' meal that people of her generation likely see as junk food or something you'd have casually or for lunch.

God, the ageism on this thread is disgusting. This woman is mid 50s not in her 90s Hmm.

I won't see 60 again so I am "of her generation" and often make fajitas, Indian food, Thai food, Italian food etc etc.

Hayliebells · 15/11/2023 06:35

She's absolutely batshit. Good for your DH for sticking up for you so robustly though, do you think he suspects that it was based on racists views and that's why? Unless I got a very sincere apology, I don't think I'd be having anything to do with her again.

Teateaandmoretea · 15/11/2023 06:44

What an awful woman. Even if she hated the food it’s no excuse to not be gracious. It’s just one meal ffs.

I have an image of hyacinth bucket in my mind.

Teateaandmoretea · 15/11/2023 06:45

Also ‘batshit’ is minimising here. She is rude and nasty.

LindorDoubleChoc · 15/11/2023 06:46

Lol at this entire thread with particular guffaws at pp who thinks a 54 year old is too old to know what a fajita is! 🤣🤣🤣

IMarchToADifferentDrummer · 15/11/2023 06:51

She's just mad others were pampered to but not her.
ignore her ramblings, and let her do the hosting and cooking next time, then you can complain to her!!

AuntieMarys · 15/11/2023 06:54

I hope you haven't invited her for Xmas...I'd be uninviting her

willWillSmithsmith · 15/11/2023 06:58

RampantIvy · 15/11/2023 06:31

it will be because it was an 'eat with your hands' meal that people of her generation likely see as junk food or something you'd have casually or for lunch.

God, the ageism on this thread is disgusting. This woman is mid 50s not in her 90s Hmm.

I won't see 60 again so I am "of her generation" and often make fajitas, Indian food, Thai food, Italian food etc etc.

Me too. People in their 50s and 60s should not be blinkered and old fashioned, and younger people shouldn’t be assuming we are ‘elderly, we definitely are not, we grew up in the ‘swinging’ 60s and free and easy 70s for heaven’s sake. I make fajitas and could not imagine in a million years sending a text like that to my son’s partner.

RampantIvy · 15/11/2023 06:59

LindorDoubleChoc · 15/11/2023 06:46

Lol at this entire thread with particular guffaws at pp who thinks a 54 year old is too old to know what a fajita is! 🤣🤣🤣

I agree. Most of my friends are either retired or won't see 50 again. They are all well travelled, intelligent and wordly-wise.

These youngsters making comments about people aged 50+ mustn't know many people in their age group, or they are very immature twenty somethings. I make no apology for that ageism in reverse comment.

I first ate fajitas in 1986 BTW (probably before most of the posters making ageist comments were born).

LAMPS1 · 15/11/2023 07:03

Maybe she had told her sister you were a wonderful hostess and she wanted to show you and your tableware off.
But instead of the whole fancy canteen of cutlery on a starched white tablecloth and silver service which must be dear to her heart, she was greeted by self service, do it yourself and no cutlery and probably lots of kitchen roll for sticky fingers.
She really must have let herself down with her lack of food knowledge in front of the younger generation and also with her poor manners in complaining.

I think you should just laugh between the two of you at her old fashioned approach and nonsense, until she comes to the realisation that a heartfelt apology is needed.

StarTrek6 · 15/11/2023 07:04

I think it might be the eating with hands.
A nice healthy burger would probably get the same response.
Hosting a dinner does not suggest eating with hands. Though if there were many ages etc I would consider fahitas but if you have a posh aunty attending I wouldn't serve them.

Teateaandmoretea · 15/11/2023 07:05

willWillSmithsmith · 15/11/2023 06:58

Me too. People in their 50s and 60s should not be blinkered and old fashioned, and younger people shouldn’t be assuming we are ‘elderly, we definitely are not, we grew up in the ‘swinging’ 60s and free and easy 70s for heaven’s sake. I make fajitas and could not imagine in a million years sending a text like that to my son’s partner.

Show quote history

I don’t think anyone actually thinks this. Probably some of them are older than 54 themselves. They just haven’t read the whole thread and assumed from the OP that MIL must be over 80.

I once gave my Dad Fajitas and he was a bit baffled by them tbh. But he’s a lot older and would never complain about any food served/ will literally eat anything.

Teateaandmoretea · 15/11/2023 07:06

StarTrek6 · 15/11/2023 07:04

I think it might be the eating with hands.
A nice healthy burger would probably get the same response.
Hosting a dinner does not suggest eating with hands. Though if there were many ages etc I would consider fahitas but if you have a posh aunty attending I wouldn't serve them.

You don’t have to eat them with your hands.

PrinceHaz · 15/11/2023 07:17

If this woman is only on her 50s, there’s nothing she’s behind the times in, she just sounds entirely mad. Glad your partner is on the same page as you. I’d never speak to her again.

tokesqueen · 15/11/2023 07:18

I don't have to think long and hard MIL. You've made your position going forward quite clear.
Let's start with Christmas. You're not invited.

Lobelia123 · 15/11/2023 07:38

Oh dear. Your MIL has exposed herself as a real Hyacinth Bucket - trying so hard to be superior and upper class and missing the mark. She evidently has no clue that you made everything from scratch so the quality and freshness were beyond anything from a shop or fast food outlet. Im actually quite embarrassed for her. Top marks to DH for being 100% in defense!

Mikimoto · 15/11/2023 07:48

I'm in shock: I was drooling over that delicious menu as I read the original post, AND you were so kind to check with the cousin!!!
What did MIL want? A plate of Smash and Bisto?
I hope you don't even catch sight of her over Xmas, and if you do:
a) if you're cooking, make organic stuffed partridge for everyone, and give her supernoodles
b) if she's cooking, spit out the first mouthful over the centre of the dinner table, then rush to the loo, retching as you go
:o)

MarinaDuval · 15/11/2023 07:49

Reading this, I'm wondering about the average age and maturity of MN posters. You all sound like 10yr olds thinking that 25 is soooo old. I'm 54, I eat a varied diet, there is nothing alarming about a fajita, even my 75yr old Mum would eat one (with her fingers). It isn't a generational thing, the OP's MiL is just rude, not old.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 15/11/2023 07:49

I asked her to clarify what was wrong with what I served, but she just said if I didn't know, there was no hope

In a work context this would be called non-actionable feedback - i.e, if you can't tell me what I'm doing wrong, how can I put it right? and can be ignored because it's not feedback, it's criticism and nit picking for the sake of it.

rookiemere · 15/11/2023 07:51

I'm laughing at 50 somethings not knowing what fajitas are.

They were all the rage in the 90s. I even had a special lazy susan with little containers for all the sides that I used at dinner parties.

MyAnacondaMight · 15/11/2023 07:52

I bet it’s nothing to do with the processed foods, just that it’s Mexican and “not civilised”. AKA racism.

Teateaandmoretea · 15/11/2023 07:54

MyAnacondaMight · 15/11/2023 07:52

I bet it’s nothing to do with the processed foods, just that it’s Mexican and “not civilised”. AKA racism.

Indeed.