To think that you can have an ‘easier’ baby if you do the right things?

[isthisunfairth]

I know that some babies quite literally scream and scream. Some have reflux etc and there are reasons why they are harder to look after.

But AIBU to think some people just don’t do what works? I have a close friend who won’t allow her baby to cry at all in their cot. I get it, but obviously that means the baby won’t self settle. That’s her choice. By the time the baby was two, they had a sleep consultant as the marriage was almost broken and hey presto, leaving to cry for a minute then going back in - literally - over three nights solved things. This could have been done from day one, not two years later.

Food… my child won’t eat X. If that’s all that’s on offer first thing in the morning when most hungry, then they will eat it. You have to persevere, surely?

My baby won’t be put down… they might not like it but they can be put down? AIBU to think this approach just feeds into the baby feeling a bit out of control as the parent is literally doing what they want even if it’s not best overall?

I am by NO means a perfect parent and I am genuinely interested in what people think to this. But I have noticed that people have different approaches to their babies obviously, and sometimes I do think problems are made by the parents. AIBU?!

You're going to get kicked to death OP, but I largely agree (absent medical issues as you say).

No. I have one child and he was a dream. My best friend had her first at the same time and he too was a dream. Then she had her daughter. Despite doing everything exactly the same, she was not a dream.

I would never have left my babies to cry. I co-slept, carried them everywhere and met all of their needs. It was hard, but looking after babies is hard. And I’m fairly lazy! Babies haven’t got any control or agency, they rely on you for everything.

They're much older now and I’m glad I helped them to feel secure, I think it worked well for them.

Hahahaha! Nice one, OP 😂

I know many adults with food issues after being forced to eat food they didn't like as children...

But I do partly agree with you. Some behaviours are learnt not intrinsic.

Judgemental much? I assume your children have always been perfect angels?

My first was an easy baby. Slept well. Ate well. Behaved well. My second didn’t sleep until she was 3. You better believe I left her to cry. She kept the entire house awake for hours on end.
She eats because she if she doesn’t she gets nothing but makes a fuss about it and she’s much harder work than my first ever was. It’s a personality thing. Nothing to do with parenting. They have both been parented the same

My neighbour had 3 children. All slept through the night from early on, ate everything, etc,. Then she had number 4😱 Despite doing everything the same, number 4 was a nightmare. (They’re now an adult, no SEN). She said she used to raise her eyebrows at people who had babies who didn’t eat/sleep……until baby number 4 came along.

Some people do themselves no favours it is true.

However, YABU, babies cannot be forced to be easier.

I agree too! But, most people won't be told.

Lol

I did cry it out as a baby/toddler and now have a 5 year old who is scared to be left alone in bed. If I could turn back the clock I wouldn’t have done it

How do you explain it when one child in a family is a dream and the other is a nightmare?

Totally agree OP but people on here go a bit nuts about your sort of post. They'll say you're bragging. But I have 2 'perfect' babies/children, good sleepers, good eaters, were happy to be held or put down, not clingy. But not everyone is that lucky or willing to try a different approach.

I have a close friend who won’t allow her baby to cry at all in their cot. I get it, but obviously that means the baby won’t self settle.

Load of bollocks. Babies aren’t developmentally capable of self settling.

Cry it out is nothing like sleep training. Just to add that. No one would recommend true 'cry it out' method.

I have twins, who I obviously treat the exact same, and they couldn't be more different. One is super easy and placid and one I super high maintenance

Your perfect parent award is in the post.

Actually no. I personally think two of the "problems" you have mentioned are perfectly normal stages of development which each parent will handle accordingly. Your example of one parent is hardly a decent enough sample to form an opinion. But when your a judgemental person who loves to look at how great they are and how rubbish other parents are I suppose one example is enough.

I hold my baby. Don't view it as an issue. Called attachment parenting. Did it with the first. They are an amazing 6 year old who is extremely confident and secure in her world. It isn't a "problem" to me.

But they are.....unless they're really really little? 6months plus definitely capable of self settling.

Ha ha h ha ha

I largely agree.

My DS is very different to DD in temperament. I think it's my fault because I was more stressed, less patient and had more plates spinning when he was younger. I was unable to do the things I KNEW would work better because of the wider situation at the time.

I assume you are a first time mum? When I had my daughter I smugly thought how great a parent I was, given that she slept through the night from 8 weeks, ate everything and was a smiley delight of a child. Enter 2nd child 2 years later, who refused to sleep, was a fussy eater and whined constantly until the age of 6! Don't be smug OP, it's the luck of the draw not your incredible parenting skills.

I was told (ordered) by the HV to put the baby in their own room at 6 months and try to get some sleep as I was so sleep deprived I was hallucinating. That involved the child crying in their cot but at that stage I had no choice. It was hell on earth. So I think you’ve got to do what you’ve hit to do and there’s no perfect solution.