To think society hates children?

[Orangeandgold]

During a crisis people tend to defend children and babies, but on a day to day basis when everything is “normal” I usually find and feel so much hatred towards children.

My DD picked this up quite young too. It is small subtle everyday conversations and actions.

I would have to remind an adult not to barge past a 5 year old when there is enough space on the pavement; or people that feel that they can comment or roll their eyes at you and be malicious because you have a buggy; or general comments in conversations about “all kids are brats/ those children/why would anyone have them.”; animals are so much more loving than children …

… and the comments go on!

If you don’t want children you don’t have to have them, but we were all kids once. AIBU to feel that society in general hates children and to get upset about it every now and then? Or am I just in a pessimistic bubble? Maybe it’s also the city, people have less tolerance? I just feel nobody really looks out for each other the way we would growing up - I would have neighbours on the look out as a child but now it’s different.

YABU. Quiet, polite, well behaved children are delightful. Rude, ill-mannered children who are allowed to rule the roost by useless parents who never say 'no' are not.

I think it's this. I haven't experienced this op. Tbh I don't like disruptive people in general so it's not just kids.

Well obviously society doesn't hate children, or no-one would have any and there are over 3.5 million children in the UK.

Society doesn't and shouldn't accept badly behaved children. I expect mine to moderate their behaviour depending on the situation they are in, if they're too young to do that, then they don't go into that environment until they're older.

SeulementUneFois · Today 08:58

Shoxfordian · Today 08:54

I don't agree; society doesn't like disruptive noisy children so maybe that's your issue
This OP.

Look at French society - children included but that's because they're brought up to be well behaved.

This old chestnut!!
On holiday in Crete this summer I experienced the worst children's behaviour in a restaurant that I have ever seen. 4 French (speaking) kids, literally running around between the tables, knocking into my own (British) DC's chairs, shrieking and actually climbing onto the sea wall which was next to our table and pushing and shoving each other, so that I had to intervene mid dinner because their parents were ignoring it and I was worried the little one who was about 4 was going to end up falling about 6 foot to the stony beach below. So no I don't believe that French kids are necessarily better behaved than British ones.

I think parenting in this country is very lax and not very good tbh. Too many excuses for kids bad behaviour and wishy washy consequences.

I don't agree at all. Since having a child I notice how valued they are by society - it is as if people think everything I did before pales into insignificance compared to the achievement of bringing another little human into the world .

This hasn’t been my experience.

If anything, I think we're too child centric. Children are allowed to go places and do things that quite frankly, aren't appropriate and have a negative knock on effect for others. eg the family (Ii think it was grandparents, adult siblings, and then younger children) with 4-5 children aged 3-8 between them running around the pub at 8pm on a Wednesday when I was just trying to have a catch up drink with a friend.

Ditto, I can't comment on your 5 year old, but nothing irritates me more than parents who seem to think their child can just wander around the pavement/store and the rest of us must all get out of their way.

I always make way for prams - I know how awkward and difficult they can be to move - but there's always that one parent with a pram who seems to think they're Moses parting the sea and that the rest of us should drop to our knees to genuflect as the saviour comes past.

I always felt that reactions to my dd - from complete strangers as well as from people we knew - were incredibly positive. I don't really recognise this at all tbh.

It's either something to do with your dc's behaviour eliciting negative reactions or with the way that you're framing what you see in a very negative manner.

I like children, but I can’t stand rude children. I think some parents have the attitude that because they love their little darlings, everyone should - regardless of how badly their kids are behaved. If your kid is being disruptive to others, then yes, you’ll be met with contempt

So on a pavement where there's room you've had countless adults deliberately walk into your child?? I can't say that's something I see in real life.

On here I see comments about how much people dislike general children, how everywhere would be better if children were barred, how no one in your life actually likes or cares about your child specifically etc. but in real life my childless friends all like at least the children in their circle. They're all good aunts or proxy aunts.

They're all generally loving and caring humans who wouldn't wish harm on anyone. You know, just like me and my parents friends

"anticipatory resentment" actually sums up exactly the attitude I see from people about kids. As evidenced by all the PPs going on about badly behaved kids and feckless parents. People just assume this wil be the case when they see kids near them and get cross before the child even opens its mouth.

I haven’t found this at all with my 3 who are 7 and under. People are always so friendly and smile at us. If they do things kids do, like dawdle in someone’s way or scooter too close, tantrum in the street 🙄, I apologies to whoever’s way they are in and always get a smile, don’t worry ‘I remember those days’ from older people etc. maybe it’s where I live, small town in the south, rather than a big city.

I agree, childism is ingrained into our society.
Some comments here demonstrate that perfectly - our expectations of children who are learning, developing and maturing are extremely high, and developmentally unrealistic.

I think there’s a disconnect between the ‘children are hugely important’, ‘parenthood is the whole point of my life’, and the othering of childfree women point of view and the fact that British society isn’t in general terribly tolerant of children in shared or public spaces

I agree with this. I don’t think we as a society ‘hate’ children, but I do think we have an odd view of childhood in this country. We fetishise parenthood and sentimentalise children while at the same time othering them in a way that I often find quite unhealthy.

The adult and child spheres in the U.K. are very separate in a way that they aren’t in other countries (things like separate children’s menus, very separate ideas around suitable children’s/adults’ activities, traditionally early bedtimes so parents can have ‘adult time’, parents not really talking to or engaging with children as people), and children as a group are often quite simply dismissed or forgotten about (see our response to the pandemic).

I remember reading ‘French Children Don’t Throw Food’ when DD was a baby, and while I found much of the book a bit trite, my big take away from it was that French parents (and those from many other cultures) make a point of chatting to their kids in a way that so many British parents don’t - there is (IMO) a tendency to see children as a homogeneous mass rather than individuals with valid thoughts and opinions.

I would have to remind an adult not to barge past a 5 year old

There you go. That's the issue right there. It is rude and incosiderate to not move your child aside to let someone pass.

When I was younger, children were kept under control and people made sure that kids didn't get in the way of others. It was considered polite to do so. Not any more it seems. "Mind out of the way" seems to be a sentence that has fallen into disuse, more's the pity.

Absolutely this

Snorting out loud @NotLactoseFree, you've just reminded me of the couple I encountered with a (big, chunky and backward facing pram) when I had the dog out off-lead and she sort of walked in front of the pram shooing the dog away. Like one of the dudes with a red flag walking in front of the first motor cars. The dog was having a shite in the bushes and totally non-plussed. And even if he wasn't, he would have had to have been Houdini to somehow get to the front of the pram and jump in. Bonkers.

I think it's the polar opposite: The older you get, the less society cares about you.

That's a very blanket statement.
TBH, while I have a child who I obviously care about and (mostly) enjoy being around (currently a teen, so you know what I mean re- 'mostly'), I am really not that keen on spending my time surrounded by other people's children. I am not rude or nasty, smile at them/say hi back/wave back etc if they interact with me (out and about, at the pool, in a shop etc) but I don't actively try to interact with them either. I have helped on school trips and sports club trips, and tried my best to be kind and encouraging, but also firm regarding what they were allowed/not allowed to do and how they represented their school/club (backing up teacher/coach in some scenarios), and the different parenting styles often became evident by the way some children responded to correction, being told no, being encouraged and praised etc. I don't appreciate being near the 'precious' parents, who think everything revolves around their child (because it doesn't) or that their child can do no wrong (because all children make mistakes), but I always try to smile at (even help if possible) a parent (normally a mum) who I see struggling or who needs a friendly face in a sea of less friendly ones. Children are an important part of society and should be treated as such, but they are not the centre of the universe.

They are definitely not tolerant of autistic children

I remember reading ‘French Children Don’t Throw Food’ when DD was a baby, and while I found much of the book a bit trite, my big take away from it was that French parents (and those from many other cultures) make a point of chatting to their kids in a way that so many British parents don’t - there is (IMO) a tendency to see children as a homogeneous mass rather than individuals with valid thoughts and opinions.

What are you talking about? YOu're saying that British parents don't chat to their children? What exactly is it that you think British parents do? Provide food, clothing, bed times etc but never chat?! Batshit.

Performative hatred of people in general has become very fashionable. Interestingly, though these people seem to crave lots of human interaction online.

I think this is true up to a point, however during Covid many would say that young people missed out in order to protect older/vulnerable people (not saying if I feel this is right or wrong, just another perspective).

Society tends to look down on anyone vulnerable, unless they are also cute.

I would have to remind an adult not to barge past a 5 year old when there is enough space on the pavement; or people that feel that they can comment or roll their eyes at you and be malicious because you have a buggy

Maybe stop blocking ways. The only time I roll eyes at kids or buggies is if the parents has absolute no awareness of their surroundings as is blissfully in a way of everyone. From my experience that's the only time people would roll eyes at buggy or "barge" by 5 year old...
What do you mean by "being malicious"?