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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how to handle this teacher situation?

152 replies

OutOfMyDepth86 · 13/11/2023 15:14

Before I start this is not a teacher bashing thread, on the whole I think they do an amazing job.

My ds14 in year 10 is having a really hard time with one of his teachers, to the point on days he has this teacher he is not wanting to go to school. He has got upset several times and states the teacher singles him out repeatedly. I have emailed school three times and had no response, rang and spoke to the year 10 student coordinator twice, was promised a phone call, email response and got nothing, my ds him has been and ask to move class of a few occasions. He doesn’t get in trouble or have detentions for any other subject.

The issues are as follows:-
We are out of catchment area by 15 miles, first homework was take 35-50 photos of where you live in away it represents community and the place. He did this, I know he did this as I bloody walked around for 90 minutes in the rain helping him and as always I get him to bcc me into homework emails. She told him he hadn’t done the homework properly and just taken random photos of pretty fields and trees as he lives in x place, he informed he didn’t and this is the area he lived. He received 30 minute detention for not doing the homework correctly.

Had to redo the homework same criteria, which he did redo and got told off again. He told her the criteria was where you live not X place and that’s what he did. Got a 30 minute detention for rudeness but she accepted the homework.

She singled him out and wouldn’t allow him to leave the classroom with a camera to complete the coursework made him sit at his desk for all 3 lessons that week. Then gave him a 30 minute detention for not completing the coursework, this has happened three times since September.

According to ds and backed up by a few classmates she screamed in his face in the classroom in front of the class over not completing the coursework, that she didn’t allow him to take part in.

She shouted at him and gave him a 30 minute detention for not looking at her when she was talking to him. He was looking at her to the best of his ability, he has a squint which has been surgically corrected twice and now he has grown is waiting a third operation, his eye involuntarily wonders/crosses, he can’t control this. School are aware as hospital have written to them about seating arrangements best for board work.

There has been several other incidents but these are the worse of them, I can’t allow him to be bullied by this teacher. She is the adult in a position of authority and I don’t think she should be allowed to abuse that power. What do I do as the school are ignoring all my attempts of communication of this issue.

OP posts:
Magenta82 · 15/11/2023 08:46

Well done OP, hopefully something will be done to protect and reassure your DS now.

Candymay · 15/11/2023 09:18

I would be straight up to the school. I would find out which room the teacher was in and I’d confront the teacher in front of the class- any class- and I can assure you I would have the teacher shooketh. But I’m aggressive at times. Cannot abide bullies. I wouldn’t leave it another 5 minutes. It would not be happening again.

Candymay · 15/11/2023 09:21

OutOfMyDepth86 · 14/11/2023 19:46

@Maireas what do you mean? The school has a strange SLT structure, or at least strange to me. There are multiple assistant heads, 3 deputy heads, 1 head teacher, 1 principal and 1 executive principal. I requested to see one member of staff who then called others into the meeting.

And I’ve just seen this update. Even better. I would seek out each and every one of these people and they would never ever forget the day I had to come up to the school.

Mischance · 15/11/2023 09:22

Well done for the progress you have made in defence of your son. You should not, of course, be having to do this.

I agree that the presence of so many in the meeting makes one think that this is not the first complaint against this teacher.

Valeriekat · 15/11/2023 09:31

I suspect that your son is not being entirely truthful.

Mischance · 15/11/2023 09:46

Valeriekat · 15/11/2023 09:31

I suspect that your son is not being entirely truthful.

What reason do you have to say this?

I was in a similar situation with my DD - a teacher kept shouting at my DD that she was stupid and on one occasion slapped her. In a meeting with teacher and head, the teacher of course denied it all - said she would never call a child stupid. I suggested that we go and talk to her older sister (who had been with this teacher the previous year) and ask her if the teacher never did this. The teacher looked very uncomfortable and backed down. The head was all set to disbelieve my DD.

fuckityfuckityfuckfuck · 15/11/2023 10:05

Candymay · 15/11/2023 09:18

I would be straight up to the school. I would find out which room the teacher was in and I’d confront the teacher in front of the class- any class- and I can assure you I would have the teacher shooketh. But I’m aggressive at times. Cannot abide bullies. I wouldn’t leave it another 5 minutes. It would not be happening again.

You would not get past reception and the police would be called.

Afteropening · 15/11/2023 10:59

Candymay · 15/11/2023 09:18

I would be straight up to the school. I would find out which room the teacher was in and I’d confront the teacher in front of the class- any class- and I can assure you I would have the teacher shooketh. But I’m aggressive at times. Cannot abide bullies. I wouldn’t leave it another 5 minutes. It would not be happening again.

Sounds like a scene from Shameless

Afteropening · 15/11/2023 10:59

Candymay · 15/11/2023 09:21

And I’ve just seen this update. Even better. I would seek out each and every one of these people and they would never ever forget the day I had to come up to the school.

Show quote history

you sound manic @Candymay

steppemum · 15/11/2023 12:48

Fab update - well done you.

What does your ds want to do?
Continue the class? With the understanding that any further incidents will be taken straight to xx person.
Switch to same subject in another class (I think you said that was possible) - this would be a good idea I think
Get an apology form the teacher?
give up the subject??

I wouldn't get too hung up on an apology, you may or may not get one. I would concentrate on making your ds happy.
I would go back with a plan - we want to do this. But also the email of someone that you can email if your son is still unhappy and not wanting to attend school after 2-3 weeks.
Don;t let it go longer. With it resolved he should settle down quickly, if not then you need to act before it gets to full-on school refusal. So you need pastoral care person's email details.

You could also ask of there is anyone he could go to if he feels distressed during the day. My dd is allowed to go to Student Services when distressed and allowed some time to chill and talk before returning to class. That can be a great buffer to keep him at school, but give him support.

LookItsMeAgain · 15/11/2023 13:08

CalistoNoSolo · 14/11/2023 17:31

That's really good news, and I'm so glad your son has been vindicated. Personally I would be out for blood. She shouldn't be teaching at all, and I wonder how many children she's fucked over like this in her career. An apology isn't sufficient imo, at the least she should be on unpaid leave while the school fully investigate.

I am only seeing your update now @OutOfMyDepth86 and I too would be taking the stance that @CalistoNoSolo would be taking.

I'm pleased that she apologised but in fairness had she not behaved in the way she did, there wouldn't be anything to apologise for because she would be checking his work, seeing that it was done and done to the acceptable standards. She isn't . She is losing her temper and taking it out on your son. She is bullying your son because she is. She has the tools of power at her disposal whereas your son has nothing to take her on with (except his fantastic parents who will not let this go).

I would be looking for the teacher to be put out on gardening leave until a full investigation could take place. A replacement teacher should be found by the school. It is very unfair on the whole class for one teacher to be singling out one of her students like this because in the end, the whole class will suffer. What is to say it won't be one of them next?

WhatWhereWho · 15/11/2023 13:47

OutOfMyDepth86 · 13/11/2023 15:14

Before I start this is not a teacher bashing thread, on the whole I think they do an amazing job.

My ds14 in year 10 is having a really hard time with one of his teachers, to the point on days he has this teacher he is not wanting to go to school. He has got upset several times and states the teacher singles him out repeatedly. I have emailed school three times and had no response, rang and spoke to the year 10 student coordinator twice, was promised a phone call, email response and got nothing, my ds him has been and ask to move class of a few occasions. He doesn’t get in trouble or have detentions for any other subject.

The issues are as follows:-
We are out of catchment area by 15 miles, first homework was take 35-50 photos of where you live in away it represents community and the place. He did this, I know he did this as I bloody walked around for 90 minutes in the rain helping him and as always I get him to bcc me into homework emails. She told him he hadn’t done the homework properly and just taken random photos of pretty fields and trees as he lives in x place, he informed he didn’t and this is the area he lived. He received 30 minute detention for not doing the homework correctly.

Had to redo the homework same criteria, which he did redo and got told off again. He told her the criteria was where you live not X place and that’s what he did. Got a 30 minute detention for rudeness but she accepted the homework.

She singled him out and wouldn’t allow him to leave the classroom with a camera to complete the coursework made him sit at his desk for all 3 lessons that week. Then gave him a 30 minute detention for not completing the coursework, this has happened three times since September.

According to ds and backed up by a few classmates she screamed in his face in the classroom in front of the class over not completing the coursework, that she didn’t allow him to take part in.

She shouted at him and gave him a 30 minute detention for not looking at her when she was talking to him. He was looking at her to the best of his ability, he has a squint which has been surgically corrected twice and now he has grown is waiting a third operation, his eye involuntarily wonders/crosses, he can’t control this. School are aware as hospital have written to them about seating arrangements best for board work.

There has been several other incidents but these are the worse of them, I can’t allow him to be bullied by this teacher. She is the adult in a position of authority and I don’t think she should be allowed to abuse that power. What do I do as the school are ignoring all my attempts of communication of this issue.

Sorry - just saw the update. I would ask them to firstly put what they have said verbally to you about the teacher's conduct in writing. But also ask them to explain what they will do, specifically, to address the situation. Ask for written acknowledgement of it. The teacher should not be getting away with this without further consequences. Similarly the school. They have to create a safe environment for students. They are failing to do that, both teacher and school administration.

Pottedpalm · 15/11/2023 14:19

@WhatWhereWho
Did you need to quote the OP’s quite lengthy post, which we had, I presume, all read?

Afteropening · 15/11/2023 14:58

Pottedpalm · 15/11/2023 14:19

@WhatWhereWho
Did you need to quote the OP’s quite lengthy post, which we had, I presume, all read?

i hadn’t and i appreciated it!

Pottedpalm · 15/11/2023 15:44

Really @Afteropening ? You didn’t read the original post??

Afteropening · 15/11/2023 15:48

Afteropening · 15/11/2023 14:58

i hadn’t and i appreciated it!

Show quote history

of course i had but what’s worse than someone quoting an OP on a length post…. are those that jump on simply to chastise and police.

Pottedpalm · 15/11/2023 16:46

@Afteropening I didn’t ‘jump on to chastise’; I already commented on this thread. I was enquiring why there is a need to quote long posts ( especially opening ones) when everyone will have read them and it leads to a lot of unnecessary scrolling, especially if reading on a phone. That’s all. As you were.

muggart · 15/11/2023 16:50

FrippEnos · 14/11/2023 19:07

If your DS is staying in the class, what you will need to make sure of is that he still receives a good standard of teaching with solid feedback, as the response from the teacher may be to just let him coast through.

Edited

This is an excellent point.

The teacher needs to apologise to your son in front of the head / SLT / whoever is overseeing this process. You ought to be there too since your son's mental health has been put at risk by her.

Afteropening · 15/11/2023 16:58

Pottedpalm · 15/11/2023 16:46

@Afteropening I didn’t ‘jump on to chastise’; I already commented on this thread. I was enquiring why there is a need to quote long posts ( especially opening ones) when everyone will have read them and it leads to a lot of unnecessary scrolling, especially if reading on a phone. That’s all. As you were.

there’s ‘no need” but 🤷‍♀️ it isn’t a rule, it isn’t in the guidelines, so picking up a newbie on it seems… unnecessary

TheFormidableMrsC · 15/11/2023 17:13

Valeriekat · 15/11/2023 09:31

I suspect that your son is not being entirely truthful.

Did you not read the update from OP?? It is clear that her son is being entirely truthful.

Bochox · 15/11/2023 17:22

Good for you OP.

I was bullied by my history teacher when I was 15. I was a nervous wreck. A shy, unhappy and insecure child anyway. She targeted me in class so I got nervous of even moving my head the wrong way. My parents would never have supported me so I suffered in silence.

It still upsets me now. I am 55.

Well down for intervening.

Magenta82 · 15/11/2023 17:49

OutOfMyDepth86 · 14/11/2023 17:09

In regards to the homework it did meet the brief 100%, he did not only take photos of fields. He had photos of 150 year old cottages, a famous local bridge and river, bridle paths, the scarecrows from the autumn festival, ponds, the village community centre, shops and primary school etc etc. The work was excepted the second time when he stood his ground and insisted that is where we live because it is.

I went in this morning and saw the deputy head, head of pastoral care, head of year 10 and head of behaviour. I was clear that I had tried to discuss this multiple time with the year 10 coordinator that turns out is not a qualified teacher she is just the first port of contact. I stated the information that I had been give. And said I understood the teachers story might be completely different but that doesn’t mean my son is lying and I wanted a full investigation, I explained the situation was causing upset and anxiety and my so is not an anxious child which they agreed.

I heard back this afternoon when I was called into school, the teacher admitted shouting at him multiple times. She said she didn’t let him out to do the practical lessons as he hadn’t completed the written work my son was adamant he had so I asked her to show my proof in his book the work had not been done. She went to get the books to prove him wrong and it turned out my son was correct he had completed all the work set and had actually done some extra research in to shutter speeds, she stuttered and stumbled but did apologise. I have arranged to go back in tomorrow and meet with the deputy head to discuss what I would like to happen moving forward after discussing it with dh and my son at home. Any suggestions what I should be saying?

Did you have the meeting with the Deputy Head OP?
How did it go?

WhatWhereWho · 15/11/2023 19:03

Pottedpalm · 15/11/2023 14:19

@WhatWhereWho
Did you need to quote the OP’s quite lengthy post, which we had, I presume, all read?

That's could be a fair point. Did not think would take up that much space. Not been posting here that long so getting used to it.

DeadbeatYoda · 16/11/2023 08:37

If you get no joy from the SLT, cc the head in on a letter to the chair of governors. I work in secondary education and I have 3 teens who have had varying levels of great and awful experiences at secondary.
This teacher needs to be stopped. Your poor son.

Afteropening · 16/11/2023 10:41

what happened when you returned yesterday?